Sometimes we're faced with too many choices to deal with. When you've got a bevy of options available for you, how do you judge? Is it as easy as weighing the pros and cons? How can everything be classified as pure black or pure white?

For me, I think about others first. I think about how my actions, words, thoughts, feelings might impact the people around me. Life is one big sacrifice for the people you care about cos you don't wanna hurt them. Sometimes this whole benevolence thing drives me crazy. I think about people too much - and I sometimes tend to neglect my OWN inner emotions clawing to break out. Selflessness they call it - so I can go to heaven.

Sometimes it's not as easy as making a list of good&bad and then seeing which is longer. You've got to look far, envision the consequences of your actions and consider how each consequence will impact on whom. It's like a never-ending mindmap. A concatenated spiderweb. I wish life were like a waterfall. You know, just cascading down in freefall, and just going with the flow - with the assurance that there's only ONE way you can go, no turning back. Lie back and just float. But it's not that simple.

Yet we know that despite all the selflessness, sometimes it can be exhausting. Exhausting to pretend that everything is okay when it's not. Life here is not a bed of roses - I can assure you. I'm having fun, but yet I have to keep in mind that everyone here is as smart and more often smarter than I am. I have to juggle so many things. Obligation to do well and maintain a high percentile so I can show off that stellar report card to the scholarship centre back home. Obligation to my family, so they don't have to bear the consequences should I fuck up. It's stressful, and on top of that there's so many other things to worry about. My dad says that there's a rope around his neck and I'm the one holding on to the end. That's just stressful.

So, we have to make our choices and know our priorities. How do we balance these choices? Based on what we WANT? That would be too selfish. Based on how these choices will affect others? That would be too herculean a task. I don't know. For now I'll go with my gut and hope I'll get the right support.