OH MY GAWD. I'm APPALLED. How can the Azerberjain coach call Owen a "midget" and a "dwarf"??!! He doesn't even know who Owen is, haven't even heard of Owen, and yet he calls himself worthy to even FIELD A TEAM against him?! Look, if you know your game, you'll know Owen. You'll know how he blistered into the scene in 1998 with a stunning goal against Argentina when he was just 18. You'll know that he's just one goal away from equalling Alan Shearer's 30-goal haul for England. You'll know how this young man has won accolades from millions in the world. And most of all, you'll know that although he's mostly a sub at Real, his impact as a sub has been tremendous. You bastard. Your team doesn't have the bloody quality and yet you dare launch into a tirade over someone who very obviously has what your players don't! Wait till your players have reached that level before you start criticising the others - especially if you've MISQUOTED them. Get your facts right, bastard.

*calms down* I'm just in so much shock after reading that article in the new paper today. I just sat there, my mouth open.. thinking HOW THE HECK can he actually say such stuff about Owen?? I'm still in shock. Just.. whoa.

I'm glad it's all over. Really hoping that the future will be bright and the path ahead would be sufficiently smooth..

LOL, this is WAYYYY better than Gandalf baby..

Driftwood. Waif. A solitary figure sitting on the sidewalk dotted with chalk drawings by the artisan with his blue bowler hat on the floor. (which is bare, save the few pennies and nickels which he put there himself) The clap of thunder, the bang of rain on the pavement. People scattering, umbrellas raised skywards, but she stays. She stays, letting the cold raindrops seep into her clothes, watching it roll off her skin, bounce of her shoes.

This bittersweet beauty, this sadness. Oozing passion, fiery and intense. This sacrifice, this little bit that still remains although one denies its presence. Do not bleed for me, for I'm not worthy. The ghost, a spectral figure that haunts, lingering in the shadows. (Please bleed for me, for I'm not as self-sufficient as I seem.) Search deep in the recesses of your heart and you'll unearth things you never knew were there. Wake up and smell the coffee. The key doesn't fit the keyhole (and don't you think kinky). It's bittersweet. It's this sensation that something is caught in your throat. The words. The words you want so much to express.. reduced to a pile of sludge.

YAY commontests are overrr. Art was a little disappointing. The result after 3 hours was totally ruined because of me being in a rush and grabbing watercolour paper instead of normal paper. The final product turned out horribly grainy - that's what you get when you use Faber Castells on watercolour paper. Your rose petals end up being anything but smooth.

VIN!!!!! OMGGG. I swear, one day I'm gonna kill you. How could youuuuuu. Now I dunno where to hide my face already lahh. Grr :(

Eh, balthazar. Who art thou? You intrigue me!

Ok so the template desides to screw itself up. Woohoo. That means it's time for a new one. After Common Tests.

The short 20-min run in the forest at Macritchie today really freaked me out. Flashback to January 16 2005, SWIFT run. That exact same route where I twisted my ankle at around 2km and ran through the pain for another 8km. My fear of downslopes really got to me, and I had to grab Chiteng's arm everytime we came to a slope. Then I'd take titchy steps forward, and when I hit the flats again I'd sprint to catch up with the rest. Thankfully I emerged unscathed, though I really think I need to get over my fear. Whenever we reached a slope, my heart just constricted and I'd be totally reduced to a whimpering mess.

Apart from that, today's race was okay. I think we did better than usual and it's all up to us for tomorrow's finals :)

I think if I were alone somewhere, say on a beach. At the Esplanade. I could just burst into tears. I don't think I've felt so crap for a very very long time, and it's all because of you again. Everything. Fucking. Feels. Like. It's. Gonna. Collapse. Any moment now, I kinda expect the sky to cave in on me, or maybe a giant asteroid will hit Singapore and land in front of the com where I'm sitting now. Bye Van.

I hate being under someone's control, catering to someone's whims and fancies all the time. Subjugated to your every demand, but I can't help it. I'm like a bloody puppet, with you pulling the strings. (I love the Chinese word for puppet: kui2 lei3) Good grief I'm just not making any sense.

Make art, not war. Compose your songs of love. The Van Gogh complex. Noble Simplicity and Calm Grandeur. Pull a Seurat and dot your t's and cross the i's. Dada means hobby-horse. Draw something out of nonsense. nonsensenonsensenonsense. Surrealism. Freud and the dream. Romanticise. Death of Socrates! Battle of Mara! Liberty Leading the People! Composition IV. Music of the soul. Just paint.

I saw the question for the Arms Race today and I was like OHFUCK. Bloody hell. Nuclear Non Proliferation Treaty. I was staring at it this morning and Chew said it wasn't tested and I shut my book. SHIT!! I dunno why so many people ran away with the impression that Multilateral Efforts weren't tested lah. Thank goodness I vaguely remembered stuff, but not enough.

Lit was. Ahem. Lets just say I'm gonna end up having my Prac Crit script for lunch two weeks later because Whitby's gonna shove it down my throat. My prior knowledge of Blake's "The Tiger" came to naught because of the OTHER poem we're supposed to compare it to. Oh freak. Pinter was sorta okay, but then again Champagne's marking is SO unpredictable.

Two more papers! Good Friday tomorrow. (Good Saturday, good everyday too I wish) MR-500 on Sat/Sun, then come monday I'll be free! :)

They won they won!! Liverpool 2 Everton 1. What a fantastic derby! Haha I'm really over the moon now. Maybe it'll take a while for the fact that El Moro, Warnock and Garcia all picked up injuries, and Baros is suspended for three matches to REALLY sink in. Ugh.

Congrats on the double championship titles and the double seconds in the open category, everyone :) Like yong said, I'm really really glad that the juniors had a part to play in all this. Most of the doubles pairings are senior-junior, and they really surpassed all expectations, especially the K2 girls, with PS/Constance and Huiying/Bridget. Medallists. Wow. Not to forget my very own T2 partner Meishan. I can really forsee great things to come for our junior team. We not only have a strong first team, but a strong reserve squad too. Well done!

Now's the crunch time. Surprisingly, I've covered quite a lot. I might not fail, but I won't do well - that's for certain. One subject that I think I'm seriously gonna experience a decline in is Art. Sigh. I hate to neglect it though, especially since I hold the AEP Scholarship and stuff. Today, I officially declare art day :):)

HAHAHA SO FUNNY!

Erm got my first gold medal ever today, but it's not something to shout about since the only real competition was from Shien and Vivien's boat. I was thinking, if we don't thrash the rest by a lot then I might as well quit the team. It was a one minute difference over 1000m but the one-two finish is sorta EXPECTED of us anyway.

I had instant noodles and meiji plain crackers for lunch. You have no idea how angry you made me.

Okay, on request of terri: THANK YOU JASON JUSTIN KEVIN TERRI FOR I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M THANKING YOU FOR BUT YEAH THANKYOUANYWAY.

Drastic lineup change today. When PS announced the Drastic Lineup Change I was kinda.. tingling with anticipation. Maybe.. just maybe I'd get my chance to go to K2 or T1, but gah. The lineups never ever affect me and Michelle. Looks like I'm stuck with boat no.7 for a long long time. Anyway, Huiyinnnngggg! I lubyouulots. Real glad to have you as my new fellow 500 partner. Chiteng too, welcome to the family!! We're gonna work real real hard and prove to everyone out there that we CAN. Leepeng, Rachel, I love you too. You guys are so lucky. I want a partner. :(

I love study sessions! If only I can stop sleeping. It didn't help that Weejin brought his cushion that day. Eek.

K1 Girls, I LOVE YOUUUU. You guys really really helped me cope. To be so close and yet so far. Rachel, Mich, Leepeng, I'm really really proud of you all. We've been through so much together, and I can only forsee better days ahead of us. Yes, I've raced an early final, and I'm proud of my race, just disappointed that I can't notch up the points tally for you guys. To Meishan, it was a fantastic race today, and to pull ahead from the first two strokes is an amazing feeling. Well done! Today was fun, apart from the fact that someone came and totally ruined my day. Ew.

WEEJIN!! Thanks for.. everything yeah :) Who gives a flying fuck about what other people say. You know what I know and vice versa, and that's all that matters. *grin.

He came down today for the race and asked Mindy a question that I kinda expected him to ask. What Mindy told him was true, but his reply was a very snooty "Yeah right". I mean, fuck you man. If you want to know what's going on in my life, why not ask me? Granted, I was down for water training when you came but what about after that? Do you have to resort to interrogating my friends about me and then come up with skepticism after that? I guess I'm not gonna bother too much. If you don't want to believe it, that's fine. Mindy's right, I'm not obliged to prove anything to you.

Went to the UK Universities Fair after that and after I left, Chew called to tell me that he met James and this girl who happened to be Yif's friend from MGS. I was like oh man, not a double whammy. Two in a day. Fantastic. Just what I needed.

I hate rejecting people. I really really don't know how to say no to people sometimes.

I hate being so dependant. I hate doing things against my will, doing things that I know aren't right but yet I'm so subconsciously CHAINED and bound. You're just so unfathomable, you know? So bloody unpredictable. Why do things just suddenly change when you least expect it? Why is everything always falling apart? I'm still trying to figure you out. You're just like that Rubix Cube you've got. Twist twist twist but I can never get it the way it should be. Funny how I'm doing all the twisting but yet you do not accomodate nor do you respond.

Damn it I'm so pathetic. So clingy. Just cannot let go of things that I should be free from. It's damaging me, I know, but yet I just let myself be damaged like that, do a Freud and let my subconscious being take full control. I'm outside, watching myself get destroyed. I really wish I can get to know you better but YOU are the impediment. You just have to make yourself so impervious that I can't get through to you. I hate trying but reaping no results, but yet I can't give up. Why? Because I thrive on it. I live on trying to connect to you. Without that motivation, I'm hopelessly asphyxiated. So fucking pathetic.

To Chew, you have officially cleared your outstanding debt of SGD400 for your iPod mini. I won't hound you anymore!!!

I hate ALevels. I hate common tests. I hate MR500 which is wedged right before my last two papers. So while I'm racing, am I supposed to FORGET entirely that I have art and lit the Monday after?! Shit.

Well, what can I say? I'm an occupational hazard and full time klutz. Sprained the same ankle during ball games again today. Was rushing to defend when I knocked against Cindy and my whole ankle just twisted. WHY ME?! It's just always ME with injuries. Perhaps it's God's way of telling me that I'm not strong enough and I need adversities like this to be a better person? I'm thankful that it's just a minor injury, with minimal swelling, and walking isn't much of a chore, but still. Thanks Dawn, Peishan, Cindy, Tom for the concern, Yingqing for the ice and Weejin for the water :) It's twice this year, and - I hate to say this - counting.

Common tests are two weeks away. Oh dear. This is a crisis. Help meeeeeee. The fact that it's just one day after the SDBA finals doesn't help much. Sigh. I'm actually looking forward to study sessions in March. Finally, some hardcore mugging which is long overdue. STUDY HARD PEOPLE! Oh, and congrats to Chew, Thong and Weejin for your Chinese results. You go guys :)

K1 500 and T2 1000. AAAAAAAAAAAARGH. It's gonna be a challenge, yes, but I'm honestly a little apprehensive. T2. Eep. The thing I'm most concerned about is direction. Shits. Perhaps I should start hard left/right-ing in my K1 instead of using the rudder.

I honestly hate being so bloody trapped. It's like I find myself catering to your whims. It's agonising. I tell myself that I really shouldn't be subjecting myself to so much crap but yet it's this unconsciousness or subconsciousness that compels me to do things against my own wishes. I just want everything to stop, for there to be a calm.. a period of time where there are no storms to cause the sea unrest. Blaming myself won't get me anywhere, that I realise. Perhaps you should look at yourself in the mirror and see your faults reflected in you before chucking all the negativity on me. Is this justified? I don't know. I don't see anyone as indespensible, but yet it's this urge that forces me to keep going and going despite reaping little results. Little promised results, if I might add.

Sometimes I really wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Maybe words are just empty, maybe promises and vows were just made to be broken. Sugar-coat all your empty rhetoric, and make me believe it in all my naivety. Your actions contradict your words, and you're confusing me. I want to find the answers but somehow it's eluding me. Fate is evil. Driving you in circles, frustrating you, trying to break you down.

For now the decision is open again.