Went shopping with Sam today to help her decide on her dress. Wanted to buy earrings/necklace but decided to save money and forgo the necklace/wear my old earrings. SO, I bought MAC Nail Lacquer instead for $19. I LOVE the colour! Hmm well so prom is tomorrow and I can't wait for it to be over. Maaan it's gonna be a bigbig rush tomorrow. Present shopping in the early noon, then hair at 230, and makeup after that. Gosh I hope I won't be late. Okay I admit I AM kinda looking forward to it. Hah. Don't worry there'll be loads of photos heh. :)

Van is happy, for the time being. I finally bought my prom outfit! Ha the HC girls got a preview when they spotted me in the shop at Far East trying on shoes. SO EMBARRASSING. Felt like an idiot. Then yanfang doubled back to look again somemore. HA. In case any of you are reading this, my mom thinks you all are damn amusing. Hahaha. Tomorrow's accessory shopping. Need to get earrings and stuff. Total expenditure so far: a whopping $316. Shit. So much for not spending so much for prom huh.. damn. It was between the skirt/top combi for $188 or the olive green tube dress for $129. Then I decided that I won't wear the dress again, so got the skirt/top. (See, I'm being practical). Oh and i found out that shops in Far East do NOT carry size 2 shoes!!! I went to every single shop and tried like 53875787589 pairs and noooo. Sigh. Eventually bought boots for $89 because there was no other choice. Damn. To think I went to Far East only to look for cheaper shoes. Bah.

Anyways, it was back to Macritchie today. I didn't know that 167 from town takes only 15min to get to Mac, so I reached training one freaking hour early. Had a talk with Shien about the goings on in the team. Honestly, I'm quite appalled at what I've been hearing from Michelle and Justin, about how the seniors get snubbed during training. What to do. SIGH. Thank goodness today was calm, or else I might lose my head. Me and Peishan. So girls, please rein us in. Don't let the two people with the worst tempers in the team explode or things might get ugly. A T2 is SO HEAVY. Before I started rowing I already had lactic buildup. Then AFTER training had to carry the boat back. OH MY GOD. In the words of Xintian, I'm very very old and rusty already ):

Nevertheless, today's events made me temporarily forget about things. They don't call it retail THERAPY for nothing. (Eh, $316 okaaay, it better be effective therapy.) Justin: I'm ok, healing, and "bucking up" and just being resolute. Aren't you proud of me?

Watched Harry Potter. Finally. I have no gripes about the amount of plot-twisting that Mike Newell did. Despite removing Dobby and Winky, downplaying Sirius, leaving out the whole chunk about the Crouch family, making Neville shiver at the Cruciatus Curse, but not saying why.. it was brilliant. I hated how Dumbledore was portrayed though. He was so fierce.. bellowing at Harry about entering his name in the goblet.. and there was no serene aura around him. He was just so.. wrong. Nevertheless, it was quite wonderfully crafted, but I'd have like to have seen them stick closer to the book on the little details. Like Hermione should be wearing a periwinkle blue dress instead of pink, Durmstrang students should be wearing blood red not brown! Oh, and Beauxbatons is NOT an all-girls school!!! Sheesh. But I loved the merpeople song, and the Durmstrang ship emerging from the lake, and Fred and George!

Sigh, apart from that, things haven't been very well. Time. Yes we all need time. Thanks Vin, sorry for being so.. pathetic today. Sigh. Back to training tomorrow for Ubin race, and I still haven't got anything to wear for prom this thursday. ARGH.

I'm just very very drained. The past week has been the WORST week of my life. The heaviest week of my A Levels. Sigh. Thank god everything is ending tomorrow, so I can begin my DVD marathon. I've officially hopped, skipped and jumped on the bandwagon and gotten addicted to Korean dramas. Heh.

Oh yesterday was baaad. Had really bad gastritis and was bedridden. Sigh. So as you can guess I didn't complete anything for D&P. This is terrible. I just did whatever I could today I suppose, and I'm gonna stay up as late as possible to complete everything I can. TOMORROW IS COMINGGGGGGG. (:(:

I'm honestly quite sick of art, so I'm making a little wishlist for FOURTEENTH DECEMBER. Yes, the day I turn legal.

1. Liverpool FC Jersey (Champions League version - the red&gold one) if possible, print Finnan3 at the back. Hey at least I didn't demand for like, Sinama-Pongolle k, then have to pay more. Try Peninsula Plaza for cheap and authentic ones. :))))
   
2. Shorts. I always need these.
3. Earrings. Fulfil my fetish
4. Books (I'll come up with a list of titles soon!)
   
5. A new writing desk
6. Oil paints!
7. Bag. Sling or Tote, for Uni!
8. Or you can treat me to lunch!
9. Flowers will do just fine. I like Lilies, Roses, Irises, Tulips
10. Shopping vouchers!
11. Supplements. Accelerade and Endurox. ------- HA, just kidding. I will KILL you personally if you get me supplements. OWENNN....

Ok that's it for now. 11 is my favourite number! Back to art. Haha.

Steal my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time,
My time has come
Let me in
Unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know which way I've come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I've waited all these years
For you I'd wait till kingdom come
Until my day, my day's done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
And I wouldn't change a single thing
And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know what I've become

For you I'd wait till kingdom come
Until my days, until my days are gone
Say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

Coldplay -- Kingdom Come (Hidden Track in X&Y)

Tomorrow's going to be weird. You know, what with everything.

Ha yes, crypticism. anyway i got my composition sorta sorted out for tomorrow's D&P trial!!! Yayeee gonna see how it goes tomorrow. I'm v determined for it to go well. But I'm not very sure about using grey paper as yet.. we shall see tomorrow.

I wrote 5 essays today. 2 for History S and 3 for Art History. So, go me.

The past few days have been HELL. Utter, unadulterated Dante's Inferno. Sigh.

Guys are SCUM of the earth.

They're all the same breed - think they have girls twisted around their fingers. They're all manipulative, self-serving, egotistical.. etc. Don't say I'm generalising, don't berate me for making a sweeping, unqualified statement. I don't give a fuck. They're all screwed up, it's a universal fact. Every single guy(scum) I know have only their own interests in mind when looking you up. My god.

You know what, two can play at that game, and you'll find that the women will get their come-uppance, without having to resort to YOUR level. Don't get me wrong, I'm no feminist advocate. I'm just sick of misconceptions, sick of people who take things for granted. This is why the military seems such a promising career for me. It gives me a sick, twisted satisfaction that if I do join the army, one day I'll be terrorising poor little boys. Yes.

This may sound horribly angsty but I don't care. I don't blog for YOU or YOU. I blog for ME. It's time to be a little more selfish.

See, Fergie? Sell Keane and you get 0-0 with Villareal. Your team are directionless without Keane. Now to qualify for the next stage you HAVE to beat Benfica. The rope you're precariously hanging on to is about to fray, but instead of worrying a little, you say you've beaten them many times before. Complacency man. Come ON. Wake up and smell the coffee. If you had your team's best interests at heart you wouldn't deal them such a shocking blow. You claim you sacked him because he's "too old". Wow, at age 34 he's TERRIBLY ancient ain't he? Come on, the whole world and their dogs know that you sacked him because of his comments, because he threatened your own vested interests. I will watch you crumble, and I will snigger, along with the rest of the Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, Wigan, Charlton, Newcastle etc fans in the world. I bet you somewhere in London, a man named Jose Mourinho must be snorting over his Christmas eggnog because, OOPS, Fergie's done it again.

Aaaanyway. I was a bad girl today. Despite having History S and Art History on Friday I went out after Lit Three with Dav, Bea, Yif and Mel. Had lunch at Big O and then shopped a while. I saw this gorgeous black skirt with a rosette at Zara, then I went into the fitting room, FILLED with hope that YES! I've found something to wear for prom!!! Only to find that the bloody thing doesn't fit me. Hmph. I'm never shopping in Zara again. They don't EVER have any XS bottoms. It's so annoying. Plus tell me, where in Singapore sells nice formal footwear for a size 2/size 35?? Apart from Charles and Keith, most shops stop at size 3. It's infuriating having small feet, but then again sometimes it works to your advantage. KIDS SIZE BIRKENSTOCKS AT HALF PRICE ANYONE? Mwahahahaha.

What do you do when you know that the situation you're in is so WRONG but you can't seem to do anything about it? You know that the RIGHT thing is out there but yet its so elusive and.. ignis fatuus. It's not like you're not aware. You are, but yet you can't extricate yourself. It's like the invisible cords binding you down firmly, watching you squirm, powerless and defenceless. Why? Must be strangely exciting to watch the stoic squirm. It's like.. you really want to straighten things out and hope that everything will cease to fluctuate, hope the clock will stop ticking, the earth will stop spinning.. hope that one day everything will just STOPSTOPSTOP and not move anymore. Inertia, crispy or original? Then you will snuggle up in a corner, away from everyone and only then, when things seem so static, will you be blissfully safe.

I know it's out there. I know. I believe what's right for me will eventually fall into place. Eventually. But what Fate decides, may not be what I think best for myself. Cruelty, cruciate.

Thanks for lunch today. Although I was so excited I didnt have much appetite (:

History today was ok, but everyone said it was bad, so I'm getting a bit paranoid now. FOUR MORE. Hooooray. This is getting a bit frivolous so I'm heading back to my books now. Out.

So, Keane got sacked. He didn't quit. Honestly, Ferguson, what the heck?! You sack your captain for undermining your authority? For jolting your geriatric players ALIVE? If you ask me, what Keane did -- lashing out at his teammates in public -- was the RIGHT thing to do. After that fusillade of insults, what did they do? Beat Chelsea. All that Keane did was have the courage to stand up to the faults in the team that the screwed up, egocentric manager fails to see. Fergie, you think everyone is like YOU? Cowering at the side, thinking that you're damn authoritative just because you once threw a boot at Beckham, yet blind to all the flaws in the team. Keane dared to fire up the players like that, but you? You defend their errors. You claim that Rooney's awful disciplinary record is due to his HUNGER AND DESIRE. Honestly I haven't heard that much balderdash from a manager other than Jose Mourinho, and yet you're constantly trying to play one-up against him when you two are practically alike. Now, look what you've gotten yourself into? You've gotten ManU into a bigger rut than it already is in. Happy hunting for Keane's replacement. Who you gonna swindle into the ManU dungeon now?? Michael Ballack? Oh please, don't squander his talent. All you care about is YOURSELF and your bloody AUTHORITY. You want the power, you don't give a shit about whether your players are messed up. You just want to stay.in.power. You deserve to get kicked out of the club too, and I hear that's bloody likely. Good riddance, I must say.

On a lighter note, Pool beat Pompey 3-0. Zenden, Cisse, Moro. Ok so Crouch missed a penalty, but I believe he CAN do something soon. Besides, Zenden was there to take the rebound so it's ok. Morientes is right. He's found his form, his match sharpness, although I'm a bit iffy on his claim that Liverpool will win the premiership. Less talking, El Moro, and more stunning pitchwork, thank you. Look at Keane, for example. Look at Ricardo Carvalho. Arjen Robben. Sometimes, shutting up would be wise, though not always the morally correct thing to do. C'est La Vie.

I stepped into town today after quite a while. Had dinner at Breeks. Owing to the fact that all the Phy-Chem-Math-Econs people finished today, I couldn't walk 10 steps without seeing people I know. Bumped into Tiff, saw Tania&Jac, some ex-ij girls, and SHIYIN! That girl just grabbed me out of the blue and I swear I got a huge shock. Oh and Jess too. Mann it was really nice seeing everyone again. YAY. Then took more photos on the train. Thank you (:

FIVE MORE PAPERS. By monday it'll be four more! Ohmygoodness I can SMELL the freedom it's practically tangible. After the 28th, I'm gonna hop around. YAYAYYAYAYAY. Ok maybe not, since it's back to training and probably gonna find a job.. somewhere. Buy books. Read books. SHOP FOR PROM DRESS. Write Christmas cards. Make my birthday wishlist. Paint a huuuuge painting. Eat a lot. I'm so so so excited!!!!!!

After working with oils and acrylics for my coursework, and also doing sketches using graphite and charcoal, I finally picked up my coloured pencils again about two days ago, and I'm hooked again. I remember days in Sec4, when they said coloured pencils was my forte, but I was never quite convinced. I'm still not convinced though. I still don't know what my forte is. Nevertheless, I'm really enjoying myself. After writing four essays today I think this is the best way to unwind. I'll try to get pictures up soon. Really now I wish I could do my whole D&P in coloured pencils but I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish it in 3hours. I love to play with colours, and just drawing a hand and a metal railing alone I used 11 colours - a bit too time consuming? I don't know. I guess that's a question I'm gonna ask the teachers this Saturday.

It's quite sad, knowing that after this, I'll be done with art. Especially if I get the scholarship, then I'll be in there and not have time to do art. Sigh. I hope that somehow by some miraculous empyrean intervention I'll still have time to paint, sketch, take photos etc. I don't know how I'll be able to cope without art.

Cambridge is trying to be funny. Really. Thank god I didn't even touch Crisis of Communism. It's like Nuclear Arms Race rules man. It's the most enjoyable topic on earth. Love to see how they go "Mommmiiee I wanna have the biggest bomb!!" or "Give me more MIRVs NOWWWW!" It's damn amusing.

Oh anyway I CANT WAIT FOR TOMORROW!! (: Not because of the Prac Crit paper but because of other other stuff yippee. 6 more papersssssss. A Levels are ending! Sound the gongs and blow the trumpets!!!

Got a call from Mindef today. Interview's fixed at 4.05, 9th December. And they told me I forgot to enclose a photograph. Oops. Hah.

I'm kinda exhausted. Mentally zonked. There's sooo many things to remember for History!! Sigh. And I haven't started Paper3 for lit yet! And art history. Shit. Next week is HELL WEEK.
Monday: History SEA
Wed: Lit Paper3
Friday: Art History AND History S (5 essays omg)
Saturday: D&P mockup
Nextnext monday: D&P
Then it's allllll over whoopeeee! Kinokuniya, Borders here I come!

Okay, so it's confirmed. We're going to Korea and Beijing. YAY. Culture, snow, good food, what more could you ask for? Korean BBQ, Peking Duck, Tiananmen Square.. mannn I can't wait! Maybe if you're nice to me from now till the day I leave (19th) then I'll bring you back a slice of duck. Or more. (:

Oh I did something really dumb today. I asked Weejin if people can see us through a GLASS window. He was really appalled and looked at me like I had just said the Pope is Muslim and said "Is this a trick question?" Gosh. Looks like there's a hidden bimbo in all of us.

TOMORROW'S ANOTHER FREE DAY! But people like Justin and Leepeng end their freaking A Levels tomorrow. So do the people around the country who take Physics Math Econs. It's not faaaaair. Oh anyway I was daydreaming on the bus today and I realised that I don't know any metrosexual guys. I mean, metro might be so passe but I like guys with a sense of style. I've yet to find a guy who can tell Jimmy Choos from Manolo Blahniks. Or John Galliano from Issey Miyake. If you're a guy and you don't know what I'm talking about, then SEE I TOLD YOU SO. Hmph.

Everything Dio spotted didn't come out! I'm really glad I spent a lot of time on Herbert or I wouldn't have been able to do the essay. Plus the context was so.. obscure. I mean.. Vanity??? Of all the bloody poems they just HAD to spring this rude shock on us. The Silas passage was pretty weird too. I was totally making up my own points, ad-hoc. I just hope Paper8 will be ok to save my ass.

I spent part of my afternoon watching The Sound of Music. I remember totally being awed by Captain Von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) and his stately figure when I was younger. (I still LOVE him now though) Gosh. It was like a total fairytale. I think that movie tops my list of all time favourite films, without any doubt. I love military men. Think they're damn hot in their uniforms. HA. Plus Plummer's voice just captivates me. Especially his rendition of Eidelweiss teamed with Julie Andrews. My god. I could watch this movie for the rest of my life and SWOON at the Captain whee.

For now, switching from reel to real, back to the Nuclear Arms Race :(

I think I've never felt more unconfident about a paper.. even worse than math. I don't even know what I'm doing for Dio's paper. Speaking of Dio, better not let me see him again. Up till now he hasn't returned my bloody gp essay, and my two Herbert essays. THE PAPER IS FREAKING TOMORROW!!!! Plus he's not replying my msgs and answering my calls. OMG. I think he's gone into hiding cos apparently Sam has been bombarding him too. His lettertray has been empty since Thursday, or sooner, I don't know. I had this impulse to slide the tray out from its hinges and THROW IT AWAY. I mean, he doesn't need it does he?? Shit if the two poems I did for him come out tomorrow, I'm gonna just.. well I don't know what I can do but I'm damn frustrated. I should have done more history essays instead of doing THREE for him which he never returned!!!!!!

Ok van, chill, calm down. YOU'RE STILL IN THIS. Breathe van, breathe.

You know how to make everyone on the train look at you like a total freak? Arm yourself with a camera and start taking photos. That's what I did today, but I was taking photos cos of ART, not for some other perverse voyeuristic reason. There were a few women looking at me as if I was holding a gun, not a camera, and some old men were staring too. But there was this girl, who stared malevolently at me like I had just threatened to send the bubonic plague down to her entire family. Despite it all, I feigned ignorance and continued happily snapping away with my new Nikon Coolpix S1. It was at Jurong East anyway, cos I wanted a train station with a middle platform. At first it was okay cos I wasn't alone but after he left, my bodyguard was gone and I had to look intimidating. I am van, hear me roar.

Anyway, I finally settled all my testimonials, awards and stuff and dumped them into a manila envolope and sent the thing over to MINDEF. It's really no looking back now. I'm actually not very confident of being shortlisted.. but there's really no harm trying. Next week's a relatively easy week for me. Only International History and Dio's paper to study for, and also, prac crit but how do you study for THAT? It's my last week that's tough. Oh well. It'll be over soon. Hang in there everyone :)

Today's the eleventh.

GP was okay I suppose. Only that the passage made me really pissed off. How DARE Arthur Woolgar suggest that women are supposed to "tame" men? With women, there won't be war? WHAT UTTER RUBBISH. Not only that, he has the audacity to claim that sports can take the place of conventional warfare? Why is there a need to politicise sports?! And population control?? Did his ethics fly out the window or something? GRR.

Anyway, something happened today during the exam which further incensed me. I shall not elaborate here, as I quote unquote Mr Tay "it will spoil the school's reputation" (sense the eyeroll). But Bea, you did the right thing ya. If I were you I would have done the same. At least your MORALS are still firmly grounded. It was craven, despicable, deplorable, and I could come up with many other adjectives but none of which would be apt enough to describe this situation. I'm appalled, but not surprised. Geez. Where does Conscience play a part these days anyway? Looks like it's been relegated to the sidelines. Terrible.

Paper two was horrible. Oh my god. I was really really.. stunned. I guess that's their way of doing it - set an easy paper1 and kill us on the paper2. Arseholes. Half the time I didn't know what I was doing and my answers looked wrong. Ok, I don't know that for sure but I really suck at stats. I thought I was improving but oh well. No regrets though. I tried my best.

Anyway, went for the funeral after the paper with the team and Mr Yong and Ms Lim. I've never been to a funeral before.. not that I hope for one, but well, I guess I was kinda.. for once I'm lost for words to describe that tense, palpable feeling that was in the atmosphere. The crematorium was worse actually. It looked all nice and like a condo but you get this SICK dread cos you know it's not a freaking condo, it's a place of grief. Even though it was like.. spick and span, kinda classy, it had this COLD aura that totally chilled me to the bone (or maybe it was the air conditioning). I suppose when you look at the place, the escalators and the service halls and stuff, you'll never think of it as a crematorium, but yet, despite it being utterly pristine, something was wrong about that place. Something that made my hair stand on an end. Something that I can't for the life of me place my finger on.

And then.. the heavens poured. Sympathetic background, I said to xintian. Well.. Huiying, I really really hope you stay strong k? The team.. everyone will be here for you. Sigh, I'm in a ruminative mood. Hopefully that's a good thing for GP tomorrow. It was.. I guess scary in a way - today's experience. I lost it at the Viewing Hall.. I just started tearing and next to me, Mich and Shumin were sorta sniffling too. I don't know about the rest though, but it was sad. Or maybe, I'm sentimental like that...

Oh man. Today I was so TEMPTED to just throw aside my stats and laze around the house and watch DVDs. Minority Report, Fight Club, Signs, The Sound of Music, Mary Poppins.. my all time favourites. Just mooch around and be a lumpy couch potato.

But I didn't. I studied Latin America and Cuba instead, and then read Math. But I managed to squeeze in a chapter of The Glass Palace though. It goes down as the LONGEST time I've taken to complete a book. Oh well, come on van, ante up. It'll be over soon. SOOOON. Hail the 28th, I've never loved that number so much. Now my fingers are all numb and I can't feel them. Maybe it'll last till the 28th so I don't have to take A Levels. Ok I'm babbling.

I love the advert for Sookee Jewellery. The one with the little boy and girl lying on the field. Ultimate cute, I swear. If only things were always so blissfully innocent and we could all be numb and cavalier about everything. To be numb is to not have any feeling, but isn't feeling numb a feeling? The same way like we title a work "Untitled". Isn't "Untitled" a title? How ironic. I love ironies, paradoxes.. they're fun. Now, this is why I'm gonna do "Contemplation" for my D&P on the cursed 28th. I think too much.

Math was.. ok I guess. But I don't know if I was careless anywhere. So far so good except for the last 2 questions. Well. Stupid 3d Trigo. I can NEVER do it regardless of the shape of the damn solid.

So tomorrow's free. Typical me - slacking off today. Funny how 3 hours of numbers can totally drain you.

One down, 10 more to go.

So.. this is it. Tomorrow's crunch time. Amazingly, I'm still pretty calm. That's good I suppose, but again it's bad cos I feel no urgency. Gah. I know I've tried hard for Math and whatever the result, no regrets.

Thanks everyone for the well-wishes. Oh I got mail today. It came in a nondescript white envelope with my name and address handwritten. Perplexed, I tore it open only to find a sweet hallmark card from a CPT Aaron Mak, Pilot Recruitment Officer, Republic of Singapore Air Force. "It is only by overcoming the greatest challenges that we soar to the greatest heights. All the best for the A Level examinations." How apt, coming from the Air Force. Well, that really put into perspective everything that I yearn for. My aspiration - laid down right in front of me, in the form of a Hallmark card.

Anyway, I kinda took a break today. Only read some Silas Marner and read some math lecture notes. Now gonna memorise formulae. Oh, D&P titles are out.

1. Merging & Emerging
2. Deconstruction
3. Symbiotic
4. Panorama
5. Contemplation
6. Vortex

Wah, quite tough. I wonder if they allow me to do the same thing as my coursework. Then symbiotic would be cool. But I can't bear to draw skin and mushrooms again. URRRG. Probably Panorama or Deconstruction or Contemplation for me. Today Weejin changed my phone language to Tamil and I spent 20mins trying to figure out how to change it back. OMG. Ok that's it yay mug hard everyone good luck whee (:

"When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly" -- Patrick Overton

Sometimes you just have to wait in line, he said, eyes earnestly focused on her, shoes scuffing the carpet.

What if I'm sick of waiting? Her brow was furrowed, like it'd been for a long time. Gone were the laugh lines, the dimpled cheeks, shrouded by hues grimy and dank. What if I just want to... let go?

He smiled. Nothing seemed to have changed. Still stubbornly obstinate, persistent. Pausing, he didn't know how to react. Don't, was the only word he could offer. Outside the rain split the land apart, a trespasser. He turned to her. Try, he urged.

The doubts, multitudinous, engulfed her slender frame. Brushing away a lock of hair from her eyes, she sighed, acknowledging lost hope. She drew circles, squiggles on her bedspread, lost in her own reverie.

She could try, till her eyes bled, but what he didn't know was that she wanted so much to acquiesce. To give up. Will you help me?

His gaze was apologetic, and she knew then he didn't want to be here. Obligation, for fear of wallowing in guilt, made him reach out. Hesitation, for love of another, made him draw back. Everything seemed to have changed. He no longer saw her soul. He sensed danger in her every word. Danger of nostalgia, danger of reminiscence.

She knew. A shadow crept across the sun as rainclouds formed a marquee across the senescence of day, and she knew she had lost.

And then came the regret. Brown eyed wonder mingled with wrenching despair, they stared at each other, each hopelessly inarticulate. She was deluded to think he cared.
They were content, then, but no longer so. They. It didn't sound right now. It was just He. She. You. I.

But you used to care...

He shook his head, but this time he was almost patronizing, pitying. But she makes my day now... his voice trailed off. Holding up his basket of love, he gently pulled it away from her yearning hands. You had your turn, he admonished. Now all this, he gestured, goes to her.

None for you. He quietly smiled to himself. None for you.

TWO-nil, but sometimes these scorelines can deceive. It was a terribly uninspiring performance for Pool vs Villa. In fact, the only three good things I can say are - their defence is rock solid, Reina was sharp, and Alonso's goal (and its buildup) was fantastic. Honestly, if not for the back four, Hyypia Carra Riise FINNAN :), they would have died. Especially when Baros was heading towards goal, and would have certainly scored if Carra had not stuck out his leg at the precise moment to make an immaculate tackle at the penalty box to knock the ball out of Baros' path. All through the game, their defence was impenetrable, especially in the centre with Carra and Hyypia (their substitute captain and former captain). I found myself actually hoping for more Villa attacks so that the defence could show off their toughness. So there was a Gerrard penalty, so Bolo Zenden made an amazing run down the left to slice the ball to Alonso who executed great technique to hit home, but.. that's IT. Cisse and Moro looked terrible, and it was telling in the 38th minute when Cisse crossed from the right only to see Moro standing there admiring him. What the.. plus Sissoko and Alonso (surprisingly) were hopelessly inept, losing the ball, making rash tackles.. it was disgusting. Garcia with his ineffective fancy footwork, Kewell and Crouch the pathetic subs.. UGH. They were lucky this time but it's against VILLA who are at bottom 5. Seriously, if Benitez does anything to the back four, I'm gonna cry. Look at that fantastic offside trap they laid. Any one of them could have slipped up and played Baros onside but they simultaneously, as if telepathically, moved up to form a beautiful WALL. Such understanding.. brilliant. It's just a fierce pride from a fan like me when you watch your defence being so resolute. Finnan, yay!

AANYWAYS, I was at the Kopitiam near SAM (Singapore Art Museum for the uninitiated - SJIans would be familiar with this building.) for art history consultation with Mr Chia. I was quite apprehensive cos I haven't studied the subject for ages (no, not even prelims) but found myself being able to recall stuff I've learnt in the lessons and stuff. But that's not the point. That Kopitiam brought back lots of memories.. and especially when I was walking past SAM and looked in to see the Glass Hall. It's so.. fresh, even though it's a good four years already. The memories are still indelible, and I love that feeling when nostalgia creeps up on you and tries to stifle you with a wave of pseudo-seasickness. I love it when you reminisce and then you smile to yourself wistfully about the old times. When the memories just threaten to activate your tear glands, and you swiftly and firmly shake the saline away. It's how the familiar sights sounds smells engulf you and you feel almost stifled and asphyxiated but wow, what a feeling.

I love contradiction you know.. that sad welling up of emotions threatening to spill, but yet again there's this underlying joy and satisfaction that although it WAS, it HAS BEEN and that's enough for you. As I walked past the construction going on outside SAM, I linger and look at how the milieu has transformed over the past 4 years. From the Kopitiam, you see SMU now, where nothing used to stand before. And as I stare out of the glass walls, I can't help but see you walk by again, a stranger then, a soulmate before, and a stranger yet again now. It's back to square one again isn't it? Haven't things gone full circle? But yet again there's this persistent voice in me that says be content with the fact that it did happen although fate has wrenched it away from you now. Things happen for a reason, and it happened so that we could both acquiesce and discover new vistas previously limited. For 2 out of the 4 years, it was perfect and we count ourselves lucky for that 2 years.

Even the signpost saying "Bencoolen Street" has changed since then. The environment itself holds a hidden message, indicating to us that as time drifts by, we drift along, we adapt, and then, we move the hell on.

Hmm finally saw the doctor today. Got my medication and it's just some infection shit. Oh oh oh my mom told me something really really funny today. She wanted to call my dad sometime ago and some how ended up calling my doctor. So she went "HARLOWWW!! WHERE ARE YOUUUU?!" in a very annoying pissifying tone. Now, anyone who gets a phone call like that with some deranged woman on the other line would go "WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?!" or something along that line, but no. NO. My doctor calmly replies - as if he gets phonecalls from strange women enquiring about his whereabouts everyday - "I'm having breakfast...."

SO CUTE RIGHT?!

He said I looked like I lost weight.. "Ni shou le.."

Have I? Well, I'm better now. Muchmuch. Going to school tomorrow again.. to mug and for Mark Lo's consultation and Math. I'm happier at this very point cos you know it's good to be honest and come clean with me, I appreciate that.

I'm affected, yes. Affected as in - something made an impact, not affected as in pretentious. But you know.. Justin's right. I gotta focus right now.

I am SO SCREWED. Sicksicksick and it's only a few days before As! Was studying in the library with Dav after Ms Suhaili's consultation today and I think I went through two packets of tissue. Sneezed and blew my nose like crazy and I decided to go home instead of spreading my virus to the whole of the Year 2 cohort in the library. Can you imagine if everyone falls sick because of me. Good grief. I can't breathe. Gasp.

It's pretty bad and I had a terrible case of insomnia yesterday so I watched Liverpool vs Anderlecht. 330-530, then slept till 630 and went to school. FUCK. What the hell is wrong with me. But er the match was great. Morientes, Garcia and Cisse - absolutely gorgeous. Especially Garcia's goal. I thought it wasn't gonna even hit the target but, plop. haha. THREE NIL. wowowowow. The only complaint I have is of Crouch - soooo ineffective. Benitez paid millions for him to go on the pitch, stick out a leg for Riise's through ball and go "oops, I missed it!" SHEESH.

Oh ya and Chelsea lost to Betis so yay it's good. Jay Chou's new album is fantastic tooooo :) Ok time to get some sleep haha. Hopefully will be better tomorrow.

OHHHH. Thanks Justin :)

Four conversation windows.

ONE
An argument about friendship.
TWO
A discussion about checking out girls.
THREE
Sending music and talking about prom QUEE-ING. You can guess who this is
FOUR
The one that matters the most. But is hurting me the greatest.

How many layers of Jekyll-Hyde am I supposed to put on? It's like I'm taking on multiple personalities in one night.

Van loves Lings and Huimin. Six hours of math! YAYEE. Looking forward to Thursday no?

GRRR I'm sicksicksick. Got a terrible flu and the nose keeps flowing. Plus we ran out of serviettes at BoatQuay macs today and I was lazy to go downstairs to ask for another stack. SIIIGH. I've been rather lethargic and drugged by flu tablets so sleeping quite a lot. It's tough, but I suppose.. it'll be over soon.

But there's nothing to look forward to after As. I mean, ok there's Round Ubin and getting back on water again.. but that's it. Not forgetting a family holiday to somewhere we're still deciding. I want Milan or Istanbul or Prague but we'll have to look at Dad's plans too. Oh and there's prom, but honestly.. I'm not really looking forward to it. Only have 2 days after my papers end to shop for the thing. So like Xinyi says, maybe we shall wrap curtains. HA. Yah I'm not looking forward to it.. just hope that the FOOD will be good. Just not really in the mood for celebration.