I just finished updating my September calender at the sidebar, and it suddenly dawns on me that I only have slightly over three weeks before I leave. Which means I'll see him at best six more times each weekend. It's only 25 days away.

I have yet to do my visa cos they don't accept faxed acceptance letters. Accommodation is in the midst of settling. Orientation is not settled either. Packing, buying stuff.. FUCK it's all un-done. I can't believe I was still living in denial. Helpppp. Fine, I'm damn slow okay - I only just realised that I'm so unprepared.

Today I stopped by NJ after work to pass Mr Low my donation to the team. Ended up having a chat with Mr Yong in the 2ndfloor staffroom. His desk - omg his freaking desk. It is the EPITOME of messy, I swear. The only workspace he has is *just* sufficient for his laptop. CAN YOU IMAGINE?? Doing your work in a laptop-sized area of table? I asked him what if he doesn't need his laptop, he replied as if it was damn obvious "I just close the laptop and use it as a backing, lor!" Shit. You guys should see the desk man. It has knolls and mountains of paper paper and more paper, and he even claimed that he had just thrown a lot of stuff away. Oh and this is classic - "I don't know why you know! The paper just keeps accumulating and I don't know what to do!!!" O_O Mr Yong is the last person I'd expect to have a messy (and that is an understatement) desk. After that, he sent me a msg wishing me all the best in my studies.

Wah, how bloody unexpected..

Today marks the most miserable day I've had in a long long time. Work today was painfully mundane. Converting Microsoft Access databases to Openoffice format. Took me and Maj Lim really long to figure out how openoffice(base) works. It's damn torturous cos you can't seem to be able to copy and paste the databases, so I had to painstakingly type in every single cell one by one.

Then took 171 from Gombak and changed to 151 at NJ. It seems ages since I was last at that bus stop. Sigh. It's silly, but somehow NJ memories seem so fresh even though it was so long ago. Perhaps it was because the people there made more of an impact? My team, the artsfac clique, AEP people. NJ 2004-05 was perhaps the most eventful 2 years in my life, and I think in these 2 years I somehow grew up.. a lot. Was rather pensive today as I watched the rain get heavier and heavier, watched the curtains of water cascade down the driver's windshield - only to get brusquely swept away by one slick motion of the wiper. swoosh-woosh-oosh. The excruciatingly sharp squeal of the wipers skating across smooth glass invaded my entire being as I just stared and Thought meaningless Thoughts. Just like how some things, some people are so pervasive that they completely infiltrate and enshroud you.

Then as the bus ride went on, the celestial dams somehow burst open with such astounding magnitude that I stared out of the window and didn't know where my stop was. (ah, the unfamiliar route from NJ to home, which two years ago was my yellowbrickroad) Impulsively, I got off (at the correct stop) and began trudging through the rain - umbrellaless. Zipping up my new adidas jacket, I put one foot forward, and didn't look back.

The heavens welcomed me, like a deity gamely accepting his offerings.

Bitterly but confidently striding amidst the coldshowers, my feet squished and squelched in my increasingly slippery courtshoes, but I barely seemed to notice. The wind seemed to cruelly slice through layers of clothing and permeate every single pore of my skin. I was defeated.

Then without warning, saline and freshwater fused into one, and I was unable to tell the difference.

Rarrr this was when we went insane and blew over 60 bucks at TCC. They've got such great food. Hope he's doing ok in fieldcamp.

The next 3 days are gonna be torturous. Guofeng's on leave for his course, Jinping's stopped work already. So I'm the ONLY person at Gombak from Wed-Fri. Shit. Plus all the nice sirs are involved in Exercise Marlin so they can't have lunch with meeeeeeeee i'm gonna be Lonely.

The weekend was veryvery busy, which explains my lack of entries here. Saturday saw me spending a whopping 300+ on my long-coveted Adidas jacket, a bolero from Zara and a pair of Levis. BUT I had a $250 Isetan shopping voucher sooo effectively I only paid abou 60 bucks for that stash. Good deal huh? Then it was down to Chijmes to watch Liverpool trounce West Ham 2-1. Dirk Kuyt seems pretty at home at Anfield, though I do hope Carra and Riise return soon cos the defence seems kinda shaky.

Ahh then sunday was the team outing like yayyy (: We were at Settlers then decided to move to Breko! Hooray. I treated them to the mains which were happily shared all around - yeah, food tastes better when shared :) Total bill was less than 100. Too bad it wasn't a fullteam this time round so I can't type FULLTEAM cos xt couldn't make it sighsigh. Photos another time. I'm really really tired and Photobucket's really laggy tonight. Ah then Guofeng was in the area so he offered to drive me home, but we detoured to Kent Ridge and I'm glad we did cos it's so pretty at night.

Baby's at fieldcamp this week :( Hope he doesn't get tortured as platoon commander. I'm proud of you baby. Rise to the challenge of leading your peers and I'm sure you'll do great :) -squish-

been pretty messedup these few days. only you would know what i'm talking about. sigh.

it's already 0042. whywhywhy isn't he back from navex? sometimes i do feel terribly silly for waiting up for him cos the people at sungeigedong really torture the trainees like crazy. so much for 7hours of sleep huh? BULLSHIT. but i know that eventually when he makes it onto that parade square, when his parents affix the epaulette, when the command is bellowed for him to remove his peakcap and place it over his heart, when he finally hurls the cap into the air and runs around the parade square.. he'll be proud. somewhere in york, i'll be proud too. i wish i could attend his commissioning parade, really. i know he wants me to be there, but i can't.

i'm sorry baby. we're just victims of circumstances. even now, with less than a month before i fly off, the time we talk to each other every day just gets shorter and shorter. you're right, maybe i should be focusing on what we CAN do and not what we CAN'T. but still, it's easy to say all that fluff but it's david vs goliath to actually DO it. it's painful.

eventually, when we make it we'll show everyone why we're different from other couples.

Have you ever thought about identity? About who you really are deepdown inside - the side that you might rarely show the world. It's strange you know, how much you actually hide from the people who you're supposed to be closest to. Perhaps it's that fear of being judged, the knowing that once you spill your heart out people might never look at you the same way again. I guess - somehow - everyone has their own skeletons in their closets, but how grotesque and mangled it might be, we'll never get to know.

It's that feeling of having something lodged in your throat, that uncanny notion that perhaps something's going a bit wrong, but yet you can't seem to place your finger on it. Can the lack of communication and contact rupture sustenance? It'd take a while for me to arrive to any form of sensible conclusion. Only time will tell.

I did something incredibly crazy today, involving a long and deserted road, a car, and clothes. If I told you what I did I'd probably have to kill you. Those on my Livejournal friendslist should know what I'm talking about winkwink.

Aaaanyways, the weekend is coming up bouncebounce! Haha I'm incredibly happy that the week is ending. I'm like finishing my book sooon :( Really looking forward to the team outing this sunday -beams-

Why do hotels in UK cost $300? (And it's a 3star hotel mind you). With $300 you can stay in Shangri-La for one night la :( Ohohoh York faxed over my confirmation letter which means I can FINALLY do my visa and my bank account. I still don't have a place to stay though! Shit. Still waiting for the admissions pack.

Anyway I've been reading a lot lately. Hooray. I feel more enriched. Plus I'm helping guofeng do mental calculations involving numbers up to 2dp - it kinda helps the engines in my brain to start chugchugchugging again. My boss tried to persuade me not to fear math yesterday lol.

Oh there's a whole chunk of movies I really wanna watch. Eternal Sunshine - I soo wanna watch that again. Closer. Wicker Park. Mary Poppins. I can't wait to take leave againnnn. Heh :)

don't look at me now
she said with eyes that i can hardly take
'cuz im stuck with a smile that doesnt fit me anymore
she said
who wants a life that's filled with semesters
and useless knowledge and wasted credits
you can stay here tonight or maybe forever
and no one has to know
'cuz i wont let you go

and i cant wait to write you a letter for everyday that i cant bear
you can fill these moments with words like forever
but you gotta swear
don't forget to remember me

she said with a smile
that screams of tears and not another word
gunna spend my nights either sleepless or
dreaming about you
she said
who wants a life of lost adolescense
thats filled wtih regrets and anti-depressants
ive said it before and you know that i meant it
youre all i want to know
and i wont let that go

let's just hope that nothing happens
wait forever not for me
life-long problems and last kisses;
all you ever gave to me

Paper Rock Scissors - Jamisonparker

If this goes on, I probably would go MAD. I can't take the fucking incessant nagging anymore. So what if you don't want to send me to Gombak anymore. I don't give a flying fuck cos I can always cab there myself. I am MORE than financially capable to do so, thank you.

Sometimes parents are so unfathomable. Dammit. And you wonder why I don't wanna come back home for dinner. No matter how many times a week I come back for dinner, they still complain that I spend too much time going out. NEWSFLASH: I only have WEEKENDS to go out and I have every liberty to decide what I wanna do with my time.

Oh god. I'm sorry this is turning out so angsty. I just needed to let off a bit of steam. I've put up with this for SO LONG. Fuckfuckfuck.

Things happened today that really pissed me off. I know I should be grateful to them for caring - and I really DO appreciate all that they've done for me. Without them I'd really be NOTHING. But sometimes I really wonder if they realise that I've grown up. They don't seem to recognise that their precocious eldest daughter can take care of herself and needs her own space sometimes. HELL, I'm EIGHTEEN and LEGAL, GET OVER IT.

He wants to track my every single move, he messages me as early as 8am asking me where I am and where to pick me up. I know it's nice that he cares so much and makes time to pick me up wherever I want, but sometimes it drives me nuts. I don't understand why they're so insanely protective. They're bloody prudish, conservative, and just.. won't let me breathe. They're immensely practical and don't seem to know how to let loose. So uptight, touchy and.. they don't seem to have a bloody LIFE.

RAAARGH. Plus I watched Fannwong on BBC and I really wanted to knife her. She totally invented her own word - "blooder", and gave replies that were hideously airheaded and showed her fluffbrain. What a disgrace. Singapore's "most famous woman" - yeah right.

I'm really disappointed.

I trooped down to Brewerkz for the first EPL match of the season hoping to be waving my beer and jumping for joy at least twice when liverpool scores two goals, but to my absolute horror.... when I saw the starting lineup, I was flabbergasted. No Finnan, Alonso, Garcia, Crouch. Sigh. Perhaps Benitez did the right thing, resting them for the Champs League 2nd leg but STILL. It compounded matters further Riise and Carragher were subbed after awful tackles from Sheffield players. Now their defence was reduced to only 1 experienced Sami Hyypia. The rest were a bloody improvisation of Agger, Aurelio and Kromkamp. Really heartbreaking.

As for the Gerrard penalty, I was really incensed when I heard the guy behind me going "nahbeh dive somemore". It was NOT a dive. (a) Gerrard is NOT a diver (b) There was definite contact, no matter how slight. (c) Morgan was the LAST MAN and denied Gerrard a legitimate shooting opportunity. I felt like throwing my India Pale Ale on that guy who also added that Gerrard should have "broken his leg". FUCKER. So the penalty was correct, no doubt. Chris Morgan should thank his lucky stars for not being redcarded for being the last man.

Frowns. Maybe I should avoid watching matches at Brewerkz lol. I really am very passionate about my childhood team and I guarantee you I'll put up a good fight should anyone attempt to discredit them (BEN! YOU POOP.). Oh and India Pale Ale is vvvv bitter. 700ml was more than enough thankyou.

OH MY GOD. I'm practically ecstatic. Dirk Kuyt has finally completed his move to Pool. Gosh it was such a tough battle to win him over from Feyenoord. I'm damn excited for tomorrow's game against Sheffield!

Anyway, go view my FOTKI account. I'm looking forward to UK so that album's gonna be all fattened up with photos. OH and don't forget to view everything in slideshow format cos it looks better.

It's the weekend, finally. *phew

Really feeling damn screwed up inside. Ceremony was today. Smiled till cheeks were stiff amidst lots and lots of cameras and mediapeople swarming the place. Gah. I hate events like these.Photos tomorrow, I'm just way too tired. Physically and mentally.

I just wish you'd get off my case you know? Please please please leave me alone. I've had enough. I'm just terribly exhausted and drained now - can you tell? If you xray me you'd probably see my heart and my lungs going at each other with lightsabres or something. I'M SO TIRED, did I mention? This is so so soooooo screwed up I need smoked salmon :(

Isn't this a lovely lovely way to start the season? FA Community Shield sitting proudly in their trophy cabinet. The Riise goal - ohmygoodness breathtaking. He just blasted the entire Chelski midfield and defence apart on his own. That burst down the right flank when he's a leftback, that stunning longrange effort that just rocketed into the back of the net. Simply amazing. Sheva's equaliser killed me, but then Crouch struck! Wheeeee 2-1 to Liverpool!

Chelsea played like crap. Uhh EPL champs my ASS. Lampard must be thinking that some divine being up there is watching over him cos IMO he should have been redcarded for kicking Zenden from the back. I mean, when Sheva equalised they, with Roman's Roubles backing them, should have capitalised but instead they ran awry in the 2nd half. It didn't help that Rafa brought on the dynamic duo of Gerrard and Alonso TOGETHER - a major psychological blow. Damn, Rafa's brilliant. Playing mindgames with Mourinho by leaving his two best players on the bench and then throwing them on just when Chelsea thought they had a chance. Terrific.

When substitute captain Carra lifted the shield along with Gerrard, it was a damn proud moment for me sitting in my living room with my Macbook rested on my lap discussing the match with Angwei and Weijun. Rarrrgh. Looking forward to the start of the new season already.

OHNOOOO blockleave is ending! Come Wednesday I'll be back in the sickening supertight uniform struggling to walk fast and reporting to MINDEF HQ which is conveniently very far from homeee. I wonder what they'll make us do at Air Ops.

Today was rather lethargic. Woke up early to accompany him to the airport to send his classmate off to Cornell. Lunch at Popeye's! Gosh I love their mashedpotatoes and chicken and fries. It's 7689862982686738 times better than KFC's, I swear. Too bad the only outlet is in Terminal One. Bah humbug.

Meeting up with the girls tomorrow - those who're going abroad that is. Perhaps will convince them to take a trip down to NJ to properly thank all our teachers. Liverpool VS Chelsea later! *prays fervently*

Anyway, I'm gonna do the Friday Five even though it's Sunday but ohwell I'm bored

1. What is the last thing you ate without regret? ABALONE omg.

2. Who was the last person you talked to? My sister

3. When was your last vacation? Uhh Korea/Beijing in December 05

4. When was your last hug and who did you receive it from? Darlingyy, just now :)

5. What is the last thing most people learn about you? That I'm a veryvery shy person. (Stop sniggering! It's true!)

In a twist of events, Steve McClaren named John Terry as England skipper, while Gerrard has to contend with being his understudy. Well, Gerrard has always been viewed as having a slightly higher chance to take over the armband from Becks but somehow, Terry was picked instead. I admit I'm a teeny bit sore to see a Chelski player captaining England, and scoring a one-up against a Liverpool player, but nevertheless, Terry is a worthy candidate - he just happens to be in Chelsea. Can't help feeling sore about it though.

Ironically enough, Pool face Chelsea this weekend for the FA Community Shield. It'll be a chance for me to view the new Reds in action. Looking forward to Jermaine Pennant, Craig Bellamy, Mark Gonzalez etcetc. Must say that Rafa has made quite a few interesting buys this pre-season. Of course, doubt can be cast over his previous flopped signings, the biggest disappointment being Morientes and Nunez, but we'll just see how it goes. It's already looking pretty promising after their first Champs League qualifier against Maccabi Haifa where Bellamy and Pennant netted on their Liverpool debuts.

Anyway, I'm darn happy to be going to UK - York specifically - cos it's kinda near Liverpool. Imagine being surrounded and totally immersed in Soccermania. Wheeee! (:

I'm seriously craving burnt caramel icecream from Island Creamery :( After popping by that day for the first time in aaages, I finally rekindled my absolute love for that flavour.

Hope school's been good - for all the local uni people. Update me on your lectures and ask me questions like how to integrate e^x squared! (:

Glasshouse was fullybooked (YAY) so we ended up at some totally outoftheway place near Sembawang park. Buckeroos Grill n Pub. Food was pretty good - hugeee portions. Total bill for 9 people amounted to about 283 or was it 238. Gosh. But yeah, it's a nice quiet place surrounded by landed property, so it kinda stuck out like a sore thumb amongst all the houses (which were mostly vacant). I like restaurants like that - away from the crowd. It's pretty hard to discover little gems of restaurants tucked away in a nondescript corners of the country if you don't own a car.

Aaaanyway. My memory is somewhat failing me - a sign of serious mental stagnation. I couldn't remember if I had arranged to meet Zurong & Yunhui tomorrow or on Friday, even if my life depended on it. (Turns out it's supposed to be on Fri) Then I forgot to buy food for him to bring in to camp. RAAARGH. This is terrible. I'm glad school's starting soon so I can finally get those rusty gears in my head oiled and raring to go again.

Oh yeahhh happy national day! As an SAF scholar, I'm sorry to say I didn't catch the parade, but then again, so did 9 other SAF scholars - 8 at the dinner, and one Jinping in thailand. Hahaha I might catch the reruns though =P

I guess initially it was just pure anger, then it faded to bitterness, but now I'm kinda numb to everything. I really do want to help her - I'm sure we all do - but the only thing she can do right now is to get a grip of herself. She might need to see a psychiatrist for what - schizophrenia, neuroticism but WHO can convince her to go, especially since she thinks there's nothing wrong with her? In the meantime, she's causing us a lot of pain - if only she realises it.

Anyway, happy birthday guofeng. Nice to know I played a part in getting him drunk heeeheee.

Tomorrow's gonna be a busy day I think. He's OUT so whee :) Plus dinner at night with the SAF scholars @ glasshouse. They just HAD to choose fishnco. I hate fish. :(

Met Angwei AGAIN at Bishan gym. Why does everyone go there? Some SAFSA guys were there too - Justin included. It's odd gymming and running into people we know. Today was a super lazy day.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder what the world would look like without colours. Okay, really random but ohwell. I mean, being blacknwhite is pretty cool too. Then blood would be a really deep, thick shade of black. Then people won't have to worry about being colourblind anymore. I am colourblind, coffee black and egg white.

Anyway, I need tips on how to drag a person out of bed. It took me a whole 20 mins to convince him to stop lazing around and pack his stuff to book in. "three more minutes!!!" then "one moreeeee minuteeee plsplspls" heh. What a little boy (:

Today saw me donning my No3 on a SATURDAY when I'm supposed to be ON LEAVE. Attended RJ's scholarship fair in the place of a certain Nah Jinping who's happily holidaying now. Answered the questions from many parents especially, and shared some experiences of BMT as a female. One girl said I was very persuasive heeeheeee. I can do sales man. I think if I had gone to RJ I probably wouldn't have problem fitting in, honestly. The people there seem nice. Was bickering with Angwei throughout haha - and he still has no friends. lol

Anyway, we went to watch the maiden fireworks display this year. It was amaaaazing as usual - even better than last year's. I agree with baby - it's not the FIREWORKS that's pretty, it's the aftereffect, when everything seems to slowly fade into oblivion and all that's left is a few wisps of smoke. From where we were standing, it seemed as if the fireworks were gonna rain down on us. "Like fire flakes" - he said. There was this particular pyrotechnic that awed us - the one that burst and fragmented into a myriad of flickering lights. Absolutely gorgeous. They were BIG GUYS this time, a stark contrast against the blanketed darkness, temporarily illuminating the night.

Watched Click yesterday. It was a sadsadsad show.. wasn't THAT funny actually. Then today was Tokyo Drift. I wanna watch Hard Candy! Hehehhh it's a disturbing show. I'VE BEEN SPENDING A LOT. It doesn't help that both of us don't stinge on food. Moo. Tomorrow's workout day! :)

I've spent a lot of money todayyy. $210 on a pair of Armani shades. Oh and I stained my top while eating so I kinda erm bought a new one from MNG. $35. Plus my $30 haircut. MEEP. Strangely enough, I still feel like shopping. You know - once you start you can't stop.

Funny how this week seems to c r aa www ll by so slowly. It's been extremely mindboggling and I've not been in the best of moods I admit. Yesterday XiJie and Jinfeng tried their darndest to cheer me up with Happymeals and a rather nostalgic trip back to KAP where I kinda sniggered at the JC people mugging. Heh heh. Then after a while I realised that I'll be back to the muggerrealm soon enough. Second Upper and above mmmpppffbt.

Anyway, it stands as such

1. Flight - check
2. Signing of deed - check (well, check as of tomorrow at least)
3. Visa - uncheck
4. UK bank account - uncheck
5. Medical - uncheck
6. Accomodation - uncheck

Still waiting for York to send over a whole pile of important information. RAHH. It's starting to sink in.. I'm leaving soon.