I've always thought that maybe I could cheat destiny. For once, I'm really at a loss to articulate my thoughts. Initially it was anger. Seething, uncontrollable anger. Everything that culminated over the past few months just burst like a dam. Violence that surprised myself. A shove here, a push there. Quite quite unlike anything before. The screaming, the loss of restraint. Vitriol-laced language. Bitterness in tone. Two not-quite-unified beings each stubborn as Mount Everest. Each refusing to give any headway, each refusing to back down.

But now that the anger has abated, been quelled by Mom's prawns-with-oats, a hot-and-cold shower, it's a wrenching sort of Despair, Anger's silent compatriot, phosphoresent shadow, inconspicuous understudy. Up steps Despair to relieve Anger of it's duties (for he has done his part). The shower, rivulets of water trickling down bare skin. Scourge. Scourge. SCOURGE. Cleanse. Renew. Merge freshwater with saltwater till you can't tell the difference. The fogged up mirror. Fragility.

Perhaps things will be okay. Vin says forget it. Stoic denial of the truth, perhaps? I don't k n o w. It's a cadaverous shroud. Sepulchral canopy. Vulgar. So damn crass. Don't talk to me tomorrow, anyone. I bite.

Will it be possible to love and hate at the same time? Two seemingly incongruous concepts thrust together, will there be a marriage, a perfect union/juxtaposition? (I hate everything about you, why do I love you) Succeed in taking umbrage, but fail in understanding why. To hate is to despise such that you'd want to exterminate. (You say he's a faggot, do you want to bash in his brain?) To love is to "endure whatever comes" (Corinthians) and to sacrifice a part of yourself. How can two totally opposing ideas be put together? But it happened.

Everytime the piercing, hurtful tone of your voice reverberates in the crevices of my mind, I crumble. I don't know if I can stand this any longer. I know I'm worth much much more than everything now, but yet I can't bring myself to be firm.

Emptiness can kill. And from what I gather, you're trying to kill me. I don't know if it's intentional. I hope not. But everything you're doing seems to contradict with what you promised. I still remember the words you said, the text you inked on paper. The silver you presented me with. I remember every little detail but I don't think you do.

Since it means nothing to you.

I can't breathe. My nose is stuffed up and there seems to be mucus but when I blow nothing comes out. Stupid olfactory system. Anyway. Major PMS-ing today. Everyone and everything annoyed me, from the irritating Lignum councillor this morning doing that pathetic lacklustre cheer (ok, it wasn't her fault but I was just cheesed off and annoyed at her act-cuteness) to Dav talking to me about a certain person, to someone who made a really fucking slap-deserving comment to me (albeit jokingly) - to which I snapped back very untactfully "why don't you look in the mirror?"

I'm glad I'm making some semblance of a progress with coursework. The pace has been sloooow, but I guess now that the season's over - I'm totally not interested about the k1 10000m or the k4 500m during NCC - I suppose it's time to pick things up and buck up. Mr Lee brought me and Char to Linden Drive to look for fungi. It was SO beautiful. The fungus reminded us of human skin.. the folds, the overlapping.. it was just breathtaking. Took photos with Char's cam. Yay.

It seems like we're hitting pothole after pothole in the road. And you know what.. I'm really exhausted. Really.

Didn't go to school today.. Feeling kinda under the weather. Went to see the doctor only to be told that my viral infection has not completely been cured. Sigh. Feel very lethargic now. It's like my limbs are totally rendered useless, my muscles are atrophied, and I just feel numb. Making so many typo errors now. How I'm gonna do my math tonight really is beyond me.

Saturday's NCC marks my last race of the year, and I'm glad it's an endurance race and not a flat out sprint. Ending the season with a 10km race really is befitting. LP and I are gonna do pacing. We're not looking to win, since we don't really wanna win for COMBINED SCHOOLS. urgh. It just irks me that my last race is gonna be for an alien organisation and not for NJC. The combined schools squad is just, in my opinion, trying to be FUNNY, for only picking the gold/silver medallists, the supposed creme de la creme to row for them. What's the point?! Are we supposed to pledge allegiance to a team which we have zero feeling for? Talk about grooming talent.. you're just breeding the wrong attitude by making medallists think they're all that by being in the combined schools squad. Gah. If given the opportunity, I'd rather say no to racing, but obviously, we're given the Hobson's Choice here.

I seriously gotta get back to work before the drowsiness caused by the medication kicks in.

Honestly, if I don't cut down on food now that the training season is over, I'm gonna BLOAT real bad. Big Mac & Filet O'Fish at once.. that's just HIGH on calories. Then today I had one regular pizza and 6 drumlets. Then one footlong Subway sandwich. I can't seem to stop eating! eeeeep.

I rowed K2 with Weejin yesterday! We took the TMS Stingray, and it was SO unstable. I think Weejin kicks super hard thats why the boat kept rocking. Then he kept trying to do sudden tilts and throw me off the boat. Grrr. Plus he kept COMPLAINING. "Eh, K2 500m gold medallist.. up power leh!!" Fatass. Haha. Then took the same boat with Mich and it was super stable, like the boat was balancing itself. Hoho. Tried C1. Weejin hadn't even let go of the stupid boat and I fell in already. Gosh. How on earth they do it I really have no idea.

Lots of work to catch up on. Was really lost during math today.. Peishan turned around and asked me "Eh, you know what's going on?" and I was like, "You think??!!?!?!?" Crap. Oh and I cut my hair woot :)

Yesterday LP showed me a msg from Yong. "I watched your race. You and van are superb. The girls are a class above the rest.." Apart from the fact that this is one of the RARE times he calls me van, to receive such high praise truly made me quite.. shocked. He isn't one who compliments people all the time, and I'm just proud that we lived up to expectations.

Some people should just stop creating trouble. I mean, go dig your ears if you can't even hear stuff properly. Either you just wanna create a storm in a teacup, or you're just plain deaf. Either way, it's pretty sad, and I FEEL for you. Awwww.

I was disappointed by the election speeches today. They all seemed so contrived and so.. ideal. The juniors have a lot to learn, but I'm sure they can. The people I voted for were practically the same as Cindy's. I do hope that the team can SEE for themselves who are the worthy candidates.. and not just vote by intuition or based on their flowery speeches.

We did it. Honestly, the team titles mean so much more to me than my individual gold. I guess people might say that our standards have dropped, but even as the standard drops, WHY DON'T THE REST CAPITALISE?! It goes to show that we've got it. The guys especially. Two boats disqualified, one forfeited for medical reasons, and one knocked out in the semis - we practically gave the rest of the field four huge gifts they must be feeling like it was Christmas come early. But somehow, despite all the bad luck, they managed to win, albeit by the narrowest of margins. I'd rather it be a struggle - for struggles make us better people - than to have a walkover like last year. I'd prefer them to put up a fight rather than to win the titles even before the last 5 races were won. As I said during the debrief, the guys were put to the test, and they proudly rose to the occasion.

As for us? We're not outstanding, really. The girls only have two gold medals. Eventually what made us triumph was the fact that every single boat qualified for the finals. What's the point of having one or two good rowers who you're so dependent on, and leave the rest to the dumps? Banking on a few boats alone won't get you the TEAM title. It was through the concerted effort of everyone that we managed to do it again. Year in, year out. Same goes for the guys - only two golds, but yet, they overcame it all.

The B Div girls too - wow. This is only the 2nd year, and they've got the title already. With 7 out of 10 rowers joining us for at the most 7 months, they've done it, and boldly too. Words cannot express how much I feel for this team. The juniors too, deserve credit. Getting our boats and paddles ready for us, telling us when to warm up/report.. they seriously put our mind at ease.

And to you, that little poke before the race, and that smile after that meant the world to me :) Debbie, Shumin.. you girls are amazing. Thank you for giving us a fantastic and memorable race. To Xinrong and Tzuyu too.. we raced that final one for you, cos we think you're worthy opponents, regardless of whatever boat you use. Everyone.. thank you for this experience. I wouldn't trade these 1.5 years for all the moolah in the world.

Our timing for the heats was leaked out by Debbie's junior, and I'm pretty astounded at the improvement.. Tomorrow, it's gonna feel better. When we cross the finish line with our heads held high.. it's gonna be the race of my lifetime. I LOVE YOU LEEPENG!

Thank you :) We might have hit the bumps in the road, but I suppose they make us stronger :):):):)

Guys - KEEP YOUR MORALE HIGH. It's not gonna be easy. In fact, it's gonna be the most trying two days of your lives, but just remember, pull harder, embrace the lactic acid. Be happy about the pain you're gonna feel. PULL for Kevin, for YingQin, for the team. When in doubt, dig deep within your heart and soul and somehow, you'll find that little iota of courage that inspires you to reach the finish line with no regrets. The juniors, and the girls will be with every single one of you. It's no longer a singles or a doubles race. It's the power of 60-odd people. It's the spirit that emnates from every single cell of our bodies. It's this FAITH in each other that will bring you all the way. Go for it.

As for me, I'll have to say that today was the best race I've ever rowed. It felt good. Leepeng.. really nothing can describe that overwhelming feeling today. We didn't get the best of starts, but it was the maintenence that really made me feel that surge of desire. The last charge too, felt good, surprisingly. There were instances when I felt like I was gonna just DIE, but somehow, I managed to banish all doubts and UP power. Last race on Friday.. we'll make it memorable yeah?

I rowed for you today, despite Mindy's warnings. I was sustained by the sheer hope that you'd be at the launching point waiting for me when I finish, so I just HAD to go to the finish as fast as possible. I thought you'd be there give me a smile, a thumbs up, just like I did for you. I guess I was hoping for too much though. The disappointment was like a slap to the face.. I should have known better. I ROWED FOR YOU DAMMIT. I did. Although I thought I'd already made up my mind yesterday. Why won't you see it? Why won't you believe that I went out there and fought for you!! I put in everything, using you as my motivation, but I was riding on false hope. Everything I believed in during that race was akin to building a fucking jelly castle on a pink cloud. DREAM ON. DREAM ON.

Come sit with me, hear my tales of longing. Promise me you'll give one last dance, and with it, my heart will fly. You know you had me at hello, but yes, hello contrived knight-in-shining-armour-atop-white-stallion.

Days limp by, gaunt, haggard. If walls could speak, they'll tell you my story. Delicate rustlings into your ear, whispering.. whispering. Hear, the ticking of the time-bomb. Soon, the sands will wrench adjacent beings apart, mocking the screams of protest. If only you'd held on tighter. Senescence - so lethal, in every sense of the word. Cinderella in the ballroom clutching her remaining glass slipper. Tales of longing.

Hollowed hearts, fading fables of gold-spun thread. Neither one was heaven sent, we died in each other. Run, run into the vistas of the mind you held for me. Plunge the dagger into the heart that once bled, spilled, like tears over the bedside. I dug a piece of my heart out everyday and presented it to you like a Christmas turkey on a silver platter. (You were supposed to glue them all together.)

But you didn't.

Just finished HBP after under five hours of speed reading. The next time I read it, I'm actually gonna read it word for word and NOT skim through it like I just did. Thought it was one of Rowling's best. Concise, to the point, and lots of lessons to learn. I'm a fan of the Harry/Ginny 'ship so props to Rowling for that. (Looks like a gave some form of a spoiler away, oops) As for the main character who died.. lets just say I was kinda prepared for that. The way he died and the person who killed him really got on my nerves though, since I know the pain of betrayal. It was practically an Et tu, Brute? kinda situation and I loathe that. (I actually thought Julius Caesar was a really really sad play)

I'm better. Though my lungs are TERRIBLY congested. Seems like it only happens at night. During training it's the sharp pain slicing through the lower abdomen. (Xintian - my OVARIES do not hurt!!) Pleasepleaseplease let me get well :(

..or must I get a terminal illness before you start caring?

Am in deep trouble. I've been sleeping SO MUCH these few days. Think for the past few days I've slept at least 24 hours. That's one whole day wasted being dead to the world. Of course, I can't sleep now, but will try. For speedy recovery and for optimal training performance :)

Okay, I confess, I'm REALLY EXCITED for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince!!! It's gonna be released todaaaayy! Cripes, looks like I won't be getting much work done over the weekend.. heh heh.

Well the music industry recently mourned the loss of RnB crooner Luther Vandross.. I was quite upset about it cos I'm a fan. But when I told my friends about it, they all went, HUH? Who's Luther Vandross???!! Sheesh.

Me: My throat hurts. I think I sound like a frog.

Weejin: Come on, QUACK then, QUACK!

Not feeling well AT ALL. Terrible stomachache that won't go away. Travelled to Macritchie today, but then they wouldn't let me train. He had to walk me to the bus stop and flag a cab for me while wearing a lifejacket and no shoes. Oops. Gonna see my surgeon tomorrow.. hopefully will be able to pinpoint the problem this time. My crazy mother wants me to GO TO SCHOOL. We'll see.

The last thing I wanna do is to not be able to row next week. I think even if it kills me, I'll race. To come so far and watch everything slip away really hurts. Sigh. Can't bear the thought of not racing. Okay, won't think about it.

I guess today's speech was ok, apart from Mr Menon asking me to cut it short cos they were short of time. So I had to do some impromptu adjustments, but I'm glad it was okay. Some unidentified teacher came up to me and told me it was "really inspirational". Everything was sincere, and what Joy says is right - what sets a good speech apart from a bad one is that the former is from the heart. That's what it was. From the heart and nothing else.

To everyone who's msged/called -- don't worry, I'll try my very very best to get well soon.

Tomorrow's the speech, and I'm a little jittery. Hope my voice turns out ok tomorrow. Sore throat just won't go away :(

Glad you called last night to apologise. I believe it really made a difference. Thank you.

Nothing in this world could have prepared me for all the pent up feelings which I finally let out today. Thank you to the exco for being there. I'm real sorry that I wasn't able to contribute much to the meeting cos I was so distracted. I guess it was really too much for me to handle at that moment of time. The despair, loss of hope, self-blame, anger.. everything just spilled. Yelling through the phone despite my very very terrible sore throat, trying my hardest to repel those saline droplets (but losing the battle), I must have been a terrible wreck.

Thanks to Chew and Junxu for sitting down with me at the bus stop, evaluating everything so far. Up till now, I don't know what I'm doing. Perhaps it's all wrong right from the start. Maybe I'm just deluding myself and the feelings that I thought existed actually don't at all. All these questions that don't really have a definite answer - a labyrinth where I wander and hit dead ends all the time. Sphinxes don't always have the solution to everything, but then again I've never met one.

It's that SICK feeling of disappointment that really bogs you down with a plethora of emotions. Above it all, I really doubt the fact that you know how upset you made me today. I guess I should listen to what you say (again), that you don't bother at all, and that I can do as I deem fit. That hurt, yes, but like chew said, the hurt might just be fleeting. Deep down inside though, I know I'm too cowardly to embrace the potential upsets. I'm sorry, I might seem really really pathetic to any 3rd party, but honestly, I can do this. Rachel, Mich, Mindy, thanks for your msgs. I appreciate the fact that the whole girls team is behind me, but don't worry too much about me. I suppose the storm will tide over soon enough. Even if it doesn't, I won't lose sight of that little sliver of a possibility.

Every little thing counts. Based on the fact that 'every little thing' from you comes as a rarity, I'll cherish them all.

OMG, I'm terribly bruised and battered from today's canoe polo. Suddenly, Yong decided to let Leepeng rest and made me the only senior at canoe polo today. My elbows, hips, and my NECK hurts. The junior guys are super rough. Caleb and Wenpan both looked like they wanted to murder me. Someone rammed into my waist with his boat and knocked the wind out of me. Got whacked by the paddle a million times. PLUS I'm super rusty, and I missed an open goal. Damn.

On top of that, I have a disgusting splitting headache which has lasted for the whole damn day. The panadol didn't help, neither did Yiffy's suggestion of drinking chrysanthemum tea. My brain feels like it weighs a ton and is about to drop out through my chin. Guess maybe I'm gonna do a bit of art and pop the aspirin and have a very early night.

Sometimes it feels like things are going pretty fine, but then again, maybe it isn't. I hate flux. You can be so immensely mercurial sometimes and that really confuses me. Things are so unpredictable now, and I hate to think how it would be like in the future cos it really freaks me out.

Someone was nice to me today, but it made me wonder if it were just a facade. Don't force conversation out of me. I hate that. It's kinda hard to believe that you're sincere when all you've been so far is but a technicoloured lie. "How are you going home?" Like as if you genuinely give a shit? I seriously doubt it. What's with the sudden about-turn? I don't accept the schizophrenia. Maybe I'm being queen bitch, but I'm sick and tired of being Little Miss Vulnerable. Don't expect me to be nice and warm like how it was in the past cos it's NOT the past. That was then, this is now. I totally stabbed myself in the foot with my congenial outlook, and I'm definitely not gonna let you catch me off guard again. Call me bitter, jaded, whatever, but there's absolutely no chance that anything can be salvaged, and I don't WANT to salvage anything. I can't be bothered.

You, you only, exist.

We pass away, till at last,

our passing is so immense

that you arise: beautiful moment,

in all your suddenness,

arising in love, or enchanted

in the contraction of work.

wear me away. From you to you

I go commanded. In between

the garland is hanging in chance; but if you

take it up and up and up: look:

all becomes festival!

Rainer Maria Rilke - [You, you only, exist]

I just slept for four freaking hours. It seems that now there's a sleep-eight-hours-a-day rule, I've been getting more sleep and it's been helping a lot in terms of training performance, but the oddest thing is that I seem to be feeling SLEEPY when I'm not training. Gosh. The more I sleep, the more tired I get. Excellent body dynamics, van.

One of my list of things to do after A Levels is to learn how to cook. I promised you to cook you something one day, and don't worry, no salads or veggies cos you're a carnivore, I know. I must be the most pathetic female around who can't even fry a proper egg. *ducks rotten tomatoes*

I honestly am dreading going to school and taking my papers back. Sigh. Oh well I guess I only have myself to blame for doing so badly. Thank you, you made everything okay yesterday. :) What would I do without you?

EDIT: Leepeng just told me that we're at canoe polo tomorrow, helping the juniors, and it's gonna be ONLY THE TWO OF US SENIORS. I volunteered, but I didn't know he'll only send the two of us down! Super weird lah.. haha. Gonna be fun though! Canoe polo rocks!!

Watched Fantastic Four today. Yes yes, I know I was supposed to go to the library, but I couldn't resist. It was pretty okay I guess, though somehow I felt that everything was so.. rapid. It was a WHAMBAMSLAM kinda movie. The effects were cool though, apart from Mr Fantastic's rubbery hands, which looked totally synthetic. It was a feelgood movie, enough to take my mind of the coming nats and the prospect of getting more terrible grades back. We had a whale of a time, and it tops War of the Worlds anytime!

I DID go to the library though, while waiting for the movie, and after the movie, so perhaps I feel a little less guilty. Jurong Library had nothing on what I was looking for anyway. It's a facade. The building is so big, the shelves are in SUCH abundance, but the no of books on each shelf is rather pathetic. Reminds me of the recent HDB fiasco, about them building too many carparks when there aren't that many cars. Same thing. Regret not going back to Woodlands where the books there helped me get my B for the History S essay.

While I was there, Cher sent me a rather cheeky msg. You silly girl. Haha. NONONO :):)

I FOUND MY PADDLE!! Seems that Temasek hijacked it and claimed it as their own. Gah. thank goodness I sorted through their stack or I would have to race with another paddle but my own. Plus it's adorned with a $10 grip which is falling apart, but of course that's besides the point. It's MYYYY paddle and I feel weird without it =/

New template's done, finally. Gotta play around with the coding for the sidebar though. Maybe try a bit of CSS if I have time. I need to get away from my fixation with blue.

I'm aching all over! Sheesh. Thanks to the set after set of time trials. At least we're now more confident of our race plan. There's less than two weeks left, and we're determined to make full use of the time to improve even more. Still many nitty gritty bits that need fine tuning, but still, I think we've come a long way. I STILL HATE HIGH CYCLE THOUGH. It's times like these that I don't mind doing 1000m instead! My partners always complain about my slow cycle, but I like it :(

Going over to Jurong East tomorrow to do some art/history/art history research, if I can cram everything into one day, which I fully doubt. Seriously need to WAKE UP and start intensive revision, got lots to catch up on.

Anyway, thanks phantom, my PC's debugged :)

I just spent a while putting up a new template and before I could save it, I accidentally closed the bloody window. How brilliant. Anyway, a new one's in the pipes. Watch this space.

My world revolves around you but yet your's revolves around yourself.

Honestly, I don't know how some people can have so much time on their hands. I mean, do you think by causing a fracas on my tagboard, I'm gonna start lamenting about your presence? As far as I'm concerned, drama is good. We need a little bit of drama to spice up our mundane and dour lives. In fact, I practically THRIVE on drama, especially since I'm a Lit student. As you know, a plot would never be complete without a conflict. Be it banter, repartee or vituperation, it's essential. So to all you flamers out there, thank you for making my day. It would have been oh-so-dull without you.

Training today was quite productive. Not that other trainings aren't, but you get the idea. Mr Nasiman made the K2 500m girls do like 8954895728758457 sets of takeoffs, forcing me to up my cycle. Now, those who've rowed with me know that I CANNOT do high cycle for nuts. It wasn't easy, changing everything according to his commands, but in the end I guess me and Leepeng worked it out. Our takeoffs have improved, and our boat doesn't only move like, 0.00000001 of a centimetre in our first stroke, like how it used to be.

Thanks, Justin, for putting up with my sudden outburst, though I don't know how I ended up sending that message to you. Gosh. How stupid. I've bled for you, have you?

This is my blog. I say what I like. If you're not happy with it, fuck off and die. I don't have the obligation to satisfy you. If you don't like what I say, see that X at the top right corner of your screen? Just click it and all will be solved. Don't leave anonymous tags at my tagboard because I have access to your IP address and all it takes is just to enter my control panel and hit "ban". So to all you flamers/cowards out there who have nothing better to do, think twice.

Eh, Lye Junxu, if you're reading this, you owe me a treat! But I don't just want $2 caifan okay.. haha.

I feel guilty for missing art cos of the 340pm rule. But oh well, at least its only for three weeks. WEEJIN! :))))))))) You smart freak. You better give me some of your brain cells. Hoho.

Oh, YAYAYAYAYAYAY London won! I was backing them to win right from the start. No, not cos of Becks but cos I've always had a thing for everything British. Love Brit accents. They're so sexy! And Brit bands too. Yayee.

I've been trying for DAYS to remove the stealth.Hijack! virus from my com but to no avail. I've been trying to crack spyware programs and search online forums for help but nothing seems to be working. It's causing porn to appear on my com. BAH.

I watched the opening ceremony of the 117th IOC meeting today. I must say that I'm appalled at the SOC President's English. Hello, you're under scrutiny of delegates from Paris, Moscow, Madrid, London and NYC. You DON'T mess up your "r"s and "l"s at big events like this. It's collaboration, not corraboration. You don't pause when you're not suppose to pause. When it comes to a comma, you pause for a while. When you have a fullstop, you pause longer. YOU DO NOT PAUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SENTENCE FOR NO REASON. I could see Raul in the audience getting bored. Okay, maybe that's cos he can't really speak English, but STILL. The speaker wasn't even making any attempt to make eye contact. What a shame.

People who stand at assembly with me will know how peeved I get when the people up there do not speak good english. Especially councillors. There's this new 38th girl who goes up to read all the announcements and screws up all her intonations, such that she sounds like a machine, but broken. I hate it especially when people don't pronounce the "th" sound properly, and it becomes either a 't' or a 'd'. (De tree leeter peegs) The vowel that ought to be LONG is the "e" not the "i". (Seat=seet, not sit) When you pronounce words with "ed" in them, the sound ought to come out as a "t", in order to stress the past tense.

Sorry if I sound totally obnoxious, but that's how Queen's English should be. Don't mutilate it. Singlish is fine, but only if you prove you can speak proper english at the same time. I particularly hate people who TYPE in bad english, spelling words all wrong, and intentionally too. iF Eu tYpE lyK diS, get the hell out of my sight. I don't claim that I have perfect pronunciation, diction, intonations etcetc but at least I know what to do when delivering a speech, and I know the basics. Singaporeans should just crawl in a hole and die.

AEP people, if you think you're dead for Art History tomorrow, let me tell you something to cheer you up.

It is 1046pm.

I'm on Pop Art.

Wow, you may say. van's progress is amazing!

Now, let me tell you a secret.

VAN STARTED AT ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONISM.

For those who don't know, Abstract Expressionism comes just one topic before pop art.

Gone gone gone. I can say bye to many many things now. Since I'm gonna fail anyway, maybe I'll chuck everything aside, don't take the paper, and go for training. Then everything will be okay.

The TEAM has arrived.

From today's dragonboat race, I can feel the spirit. Something that's been missing for the past one plus year. It's here. Finally. The guys team, winning their first open race.. I'm proud of them, especially since I drummed for them in the heats en route to the final. As we were warming down, we heard the commentators talking about the guys race, saying how Lane 4 was taking an early lead. I was praying and fervently hoping that they wouldn't let go of that precious lead, and they didn't. All the way to the end, no one overtook them. They were fantastic. Finally, after enduring all that bullshit, they've done it. They've made it all the way, and I don't see how ANYTHING can stand in our way now.

As for us? Like Cindy said, today was magical. Fighting tooth and nail to only lose out to the national team by a fraction of a second, having already bettered their timing in the heats and semis, we've come so far. Both Boat A and B. Although we're split up by name, we're one girls team in our hearts. To Boat B - Thanks for inspiring us to summon the spirit within us. Thanks for reviving our passion again. If I hadn't drummed for you yesterday, I wouldn't have got the chance to experience the vibrance of your enthusiasm, and I wouldn't have got the opportunity to pass it on to Boat A. Without you guys, our boat would have been serious and dull, no life, no fire. Thank you. We dedicate our race to you, and we're proud of all of you for overcoming the odds.

To Thong. You might not know it, but your drumming in the semis really really pushed us to keep going. We're really grateful to you for spurring us on. After the race, even Boat B was saying that they could hear you from their boat. I hope that it was a truly great experience for you as it was for us.

Our last dragonboat race together as a team, but it was also the most memorable.

Michelle, Huiying, Xintian, Shumin, Jasmin, Rachel, Chiteng, Cindy, Leepeng, Van, Mindy, Peishan, Audrey, Lina, Charmaine.

Weejin, Vin, Kevin, Wong, Justin, Mo, Chew, Andrew, Jason, YingQin, Chunhow, Junxu, Alan, Malcolm, Daryl, Szewei, Thong, Huiming.

Watched War of the Worlds today with Weejin. (wow, lots of Ws) It was.. okay I guess. The ending felt very.. sudden and unresolved. He was like "HUH? Don't tell me it's gonna end?!" I was quite freaked though. Aliens scare me. I almost died when I watched Signs a few years back. Dakota Fanning was really irritating me. I dunno but she totally PISSED me off. I guess that means her acting chops are pretty good for a child of 11.

Speaking of pissing me off, it took every single iota of my self-restraint not to pick up one of our spanking new dragonboat paddles and SLAM it onto the skull of the perpetrator. The thought of having a bloody and broken paddle scared me. Oh, thanks Justin for the DVD :) Huiying - I feel very very stupid lah. Lending you the CD jewel case without the CD. Haha. It's in my player. Seems like something LEEPENG would do huh? I guess it's rubbing off on me.

K1 today at Kallang brought back so many memories. Cindy's right. This is where I started.. and now I'm back. Rowing the same craft that I went through shit in. Took a Brac I paddle today, and almost died. Haha. But after the 6km or so, it felt good. Then did ten pull-ups, with lots of difficulty. Crap.

"So many nice movies coming out! And I wanna watch them all with you!"

Talking to Justin today really made me angry. As in, not that he pissed me off, but he told me stuff about some people which totally made my blood boil. Now that I know what kinda person he really is, I'm just glad I had the sense not to believe in him. To be so hypocritical, double-crossing and just.. low, really brings my opinion of him to the 18th level of hell. Thank goodness I made the right choice, and I trusted in what was MORAL and not go by intuition.