Nothing, just nothing would have prepared me for this.

To me, everything now seems perfect. Even if I don't know what it'll be like 5 years from now, I'm just eternally grateful that I have this moment to immerse myself in. I'm thankful that you don't ask me to stay 1m away from you. That you voluntarily call me and risk getting caught after lightsout. I'm just feeling damn blessed that you're so willing to give your all to making things work. I'm thankful that you actually show me that you CARE. For all the wrongs you've seemed to put right just like *that. You're amazing.

I know you'll only read this this weekend, and I know too that I'll be in Brunei by the time you see this, but I just had to just.. create this entry. For youuu.

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
and I miss you.

Incubus - I miss you

Take care while I'm gone okay. 1st June's gonna swing by before you know it :) *squish

So yeah.. it's gonna be 11 days apart, but 11 days is just a veryvery short time compared to when I go abroad. Sigh. It's gonna be tough, but I promise I'll do you proud in Brunei.

Today's lunch buffet with the aircrew was great. We ordered like sooo many dishes and the waitress' attitude was quite awful but we didn't care. Laughed till I almost toppled off my chair. Well it's like a pre-brunei celebration, in lieu of the fact that we're gonna be chucked into the jungle with ZERO FOOD. How I'm gonna survive, I don't know. Heh. Must remember to take my antimalaria pills later.

YAY. No more 2 bars! Senior Cadet speaking kthx.

Endofcourse dinner was fantastic. Had a good time, apart from the STUPID VSOP that almost concussed me. Lesson learnt - check bottle before gulping. haha. Still waiting for the verypreciousphotos from Jinping though :)

The past week has been absolutely fantastic. After all that drama, all that fuss.. it's denouement at last. A very happy ending which is also a very happy beginning lol. I realise that I'm not making sense but what the heck. I'm just bouncy and euphoric. Hehehehehe.

If you're reading this, I can't wait for tomorrow! *hugs :)

So they've somehow done it again. Two cup finals in the past year, two 3-3 scorelines after extra time, two penalty shootouts, and two titles won.

This time, it can be said without a doubt that it's all because of Mr Steven Gerrard yet again. That fantastic equaliser from 30m out gave West Ham zero chance. He had absolutely nothing going for him when he unleashed that stunning rocket of a shot, with West Ham players clustered in front of goal. Somehow, SOMEHOW the ball smashed into the back of the net, leaving the custodian rooted. From then on, it was yet another fairytale of penalty shootouts a la Istanbul 2005, where Reina saved 3 penalties out of the 4 that West Ham had the chance to take. Only King of Experience Teddy Sheringham managed to put one past him. After Ferdinand missed the 4th penalty, there was no need for anymore fancy footwork. That's Pool for you, winning the cups "the hard way" - I quoth Rafa Benitez.

When I was out last night, my dad kept updating me with the scores. When he texted me about the Carra own goal, my heart sank. That msg was rapidly followed by another one that said "two nil", and my hopes started to plummet. Perhaps what made me eager to get home and watch the 2nd half was by grace of the next message - "2-1, Cisse". Comeback Kings indeed. <3>

Sometimes you can't help but think, there's only so much you can handle.

I want out. I really just wanna forget everything and move the hell on, but I can't with you pestering me like that. This situation is too BIG for me. I'm only eighteen for heaven's sake, but I feel like Atlas with the weight of the world on my shoulders. It's like I might crumble anytime.. Sigh.

So I'm here waiting for bigbully to swing by and drive me to town, where I'll wait again for Sierra's Section Quick Attack to end. I just need solace today, some serious reflection time, away from crowds and people. I'd want someone to talk to, someone to pour my heart out to. After what happened in the afternoon, I'm just so zoned out as if I'm vertiginous or something. I need a good dinner, a nice indolent chat with someone, slowly evaluating and weighing the situation at hand.

Book out soooooon please. I need to talk to you urgently :(

I'm holding on to the $475 GStar jacket like omgggg. Hahahaha. Only ONE person can buy something that expensive and think of giving it to me just because I supposedly look nicer in it than he does. I'm not gonna keep it, obviously, but it's CRAZY! Throwing that much money away like that.. hoho.

I wanna go for section quick attack with Sierra tomorrow :( Part of me really misses the army life. I think I'm practically the only one in Airwing who thinks that Navex that day at Lower Mandai was super fun. I love bashing, I love topo and I love proning and doing contacted drills. ("CONTACTED!!!" fwahahaha) Now that Air Force Service Term is ending, I look back and relish the times we were outfield. P226 Live Firing, Compass Course, Navex, SEOC Familiarisation.. those were the more memorable events. 3 bars on Friday. Senior cadet. Everything seems so surreal, especially since the Mids and Army people are still 2 bars and have a looooong way to go before their service term ends.

Anyway, tomorrow's gonna be a long day.. can't go for the WOCC gathering cos there's a lot of personal stuff to settle.. really it's bogging me down and today I almost broke down. Thankfully there wasn't much time left and towards the end when we were in the cab back home I became a bit more hyper. Thank you :)

It's yet another long weekend, but I know that this would probably be one of the most troubled weekends I've had in a while. So many things have been happening, and I don't wanna reveal too much here cos I know that manymany people visit this blog. You know how the common phrase goes - it's just too little, too late. No matter what you do or say now, regardless of the cajoles and incessant begging, I won't relent. I opened too many windows of opportunity in the past, and now that I've decided to seal them permanently, there's no way you can get through me. I can be absolutely fickle at times, but I can also be firm if I want to, and this is one of the times. Give it up, it's no use.

Whoopeedoo. I'm on a roll here. Sundays are usually spent shopping in town and watching SOME PEOPLE spend $475 on GStar jackets, but today's different cos aforementioned person is doing fire and movement now. As a result, I'm mooching around at home, trying unsuccessfully to finetune my personal statement amidst bowls of Viennetta ice cream topped with generous amounts of Bailey's irish cream. Chocolate - sweet, heavenly, invaluable huh? *big grin

Yesterday was a crappy day. Was really feeling down in the dumps and went walking around Cityhall area by myself after doing some of the WITS project. Walked from Raffles City to Citylink like 5 times because I had absolutely no idea where I was going. (Reminded me of how our NavEx group got lost for 5hours before finding our 1st checkpoint) Walked into TCC intending to have lunch, found out they didn't accept NETS and ran out feeling bloody embarrassed. Thankfully I didn't start ordering anything yet or else it would've been worse. Drew $100 in Suntec, but blew $44 on chocolates from Candy Empire. Funny things people do when they're feeling bleargh huh?

Plonked myself down at Esplanade and read some of Mammon Inc. Then things got a little better when someone decided to do something silly and come all the way down to "accidentally run into" me despite running on an insanely tight schedule. Thank you (: Such gestures like that are really gratifying.

THEN, met up with the family for dinner at Bobby Rubbino's CHIJMES. I love CHIJMES. Apart from the fact that it was the old IJ, it's so beautiful at night. All the pubs and the al fresco dining with dancing tealights on the tabletops lend the place a rather warm, dreamy atmosphere. Plus the architecture is so.. antiquarian, so ornate. I think I'm going back again next week, to play hide and seek along the ancient corridors, soaking in the history and experiences that practically ooze out of the old white walls. Part of me wants to wear my old IJ uniform and do that. Haha. We'll see how it goes.

Sierra people having Section Live Firing now. Sounds like lotsa funnnnn. Take care guys (and girls)!

Was reading Huiying's blog and here's an excerpt:

You know next to the basketball court in NJ, the next place where the most tempers flared and most heated arguments are exchanged, is probably the canoe polo pool in Big Splash. Let's not talk about the guys because they are always so hot-headed wherever they are(HAHA!). The canoe polo pool witnessed a lot of drama from us. Endless shoutings(from me, van and peishan), senseless whining(from those who got scolded) and mindless grumbling(from all of us). There is just so much action from everybody that it is impossible to let your guard down in the pool for a second!

I kind of miss the canoe polo games with the seniors. I don't know why. Maybe cause I miss their presence(some of them) and I miss going home with Joanne and Yihui. Hey, I really do alright. And I terribly miss canoe polo games with the girls!!!!! I miss chiteng being the super reliable goalie, peishan the irreplaceable pace-setter and van the speed boat. Hahas, there is really so much fun(and training!) during canoe polo. The more I think about it, the more I miss the game.

It was a waste that we didn't get to play in any competition in year 2. :( Somehow we couldn't. And we were just thinking it could be real fun if our girls team could take part. Yet we went through year 2 without much action from canoe polo. Aw, I would love to be on peishan's team for once! I never, ever got the chance/priviledge :( Haha peishan! we should go and play canoe polo someday. Rent the boats or something.

As I miss canoe polo, I thought that maybe the rest of the girls team wouldn't miss it as much. Haha and I thought one of the reason why they wouldn't miss the game as much is because of me. Dear girls, I hereby solemnly apologise for making your canoe polo training time unenjoyable because of my bad temper. :( thanks for putting up with me. Especially Shumin! Haha, sorry for always shouting at you man, I know I am so prone to that. Really a big, big sorry. Ha but I want to let you know that I really appreciate you for putting up with me.. (:

Well.. reading this really made me nostalgic. Seriously, looking at the things we've been through together as a team.. it's tough to pry all 12 of us apart. Even though we've all got different lives now, all gonna pursue disparate dreams and ambitions, deep down we all know that we're bound by an unspoken connection, an invisible silken thread of memories, held together by the knowledge that we were (and still are) part of an unforgettable TEAM.