when time and confusion collide

So much for an era of hard-biting wit and sarcasm.

To YOU: What do you expect me to do? Break up with him to go with you? I know you care about me, and you've done a lot for me, but some things are just not meant to be you know? I hope you realise that I'm faced with the Hobson's Choice here. I can't do anything about it. As much as I feel very very bad about it, there are some things that just cannot be remedied. I don't care what people think, that I "broke (your) heart into a million and one pieces" or if people wash dirty linen in public. I'm just following my heart, doing what I think is best for the both of us. Keyword(s): the BOTH of us. It won't do you any good to keep dwelling and clinging on to that last thread of hope that someday in the future we'll be together. Sure, no one knows what the future holds but I'm sorry, I live for today. Right now, I'm attached and it's gonna stay that way.

If it weren't so serious, involving people's feelings and stuff, the whole tagboard situation is pretty funny if you look at it from the lighter side. Black humour. Hei Se You Mo. Le Classique.

I must say they proved me wrong. With no strikers, but yet handing Arsenal their 2nd defeat in 50-odd games. Mind you, it's ARSENAL we're talking about here, not any other team. It was a classic Finnan long ball and a typical pass of Gerrard accuracy before unleashing Alonso to open the scoring. I must say that they played very very well in the first half, clamping the Gunners down totally. They deteriorated a little in the second half, allowing the equalizer, but Mellor scored a late late goal to seal the win. It was just amazing. I must admit that I had little faith in them, but they performed way beyond my expectations. The midfield was just fantastic. I must say they shut people like Pires and Reyes totally out of the game. Brilliant stuff.

Seems like this is turning out to be a football log. Heh. Anyway the Jay Chou concert was absolutely phenomenal. He sang Hong Dou by Faye Wong, and almost moved me to tears. The live DJ too, was fantastic, and he actually talked alot more. I can't believe how talented he is. Piano, guitar, cello, flute, drums... I can't wait for the next concert. I swear, the next time he holds one here I'm gonna attend both concerts. Heh :)

EDIT: I'm so disgusted at her. Fucking despo. Go find something better to do other than criticising NJCanoeing. Just so fucking jealous. Bloody bitchface.

So, who's up for a visit to Anfield Accident and Emergency? Now with Garcia out, they have no - i repeat - NO experienced forwards. Harry Kewell can just go frolick with the kangaroos. His form is appalling, and there's no chance of him being a threat to defenders. Going down to Monaco means that Liverpool are in a must-win situation against Olympiakos. And, just to refresh everyone's memory, you can't win unless you score goals, and you can't score goals without strikers. Granted, Gerrard's back, but he's an attacking mid, not a natural striker, and you CAN'T play Steve Finnan in front! He started as a fucking rightback dammit. Josemi's out too, and Hamann's out for the last Champions League match. Can anyone say crisis majora?

It's been a whirlwind of a weekend, with Regatta and stuff. It wasn't really up to expectations, but I just hope this would be a wake up call for the entire team - especially the guys. Oh well, at least the girls reached the finals, and I can say that I truly rowed my hearts out. After every race it was just sheer fatigue, exhaustion and breathlessness. The adrenaline rush after that though, was priceless.

Watched Umizaru today. Was hoping to catch Bridget Jones or The Incredibles but Thong and Justin wanted to watch Umizaru, so I went ahead with it. No regrets though, the movie was certainly one of the most inspiring ones I've seen lately. Plus the fact that there was major eye candy in the form of the guy who played Mishima. I know Thong disagrees - he prefers the lead guy. But I don't go for the chiseled type, prefer the guys with softer features I guess?

Does anyone have the song "God-Shaped Hole" by Plumb? I've been searching all over for it but I can't seem to download it.

Everything's fine with the team, and that's good. I know there will be more of such storms, turbulence, but no matter what, we'll weather all odds. I firmly believe that the team has come out stronger and more gelled after this incident, and we can only get closer.

I'm rather down right now. Milan Baros is out for three weeks. Now tell me what is Liverpool going to do with Neil Mellor and Florent Sinama-Pongolle as their strikeforce? Do me a favour, Benitez. Play Pongolle and Garcia up front. Kewell, Hamann, Alonso, Riise in midfield. Hyypia, Traore, Finnan and Josemi in defence. Kirkland at goal. Cisse, Gerrard, Baros, Smicer. God, we need these people back. I hope Benitez manages to snag Morientes from Real Madrid. He'd be doing Real a favour, ridding it of ONE superstar.

Since we're on the topic of soccer, I'm just appalled at Wayne Rooney. His temperament is just.. unacceptable. So what if he's the youngest player to score for both England and in the League? Does that warrant such behaviour? The fact that the black armband he threw on the ground was in commemoration of late Liverpool great Emlyn Hughes makes me even more infuriated. What right does he have? I can't believe Owen defended him, saying that he didn't mean to show disrespect to Hughes. The fact is that he is taking advantage and riding on his status, thinking that it's ok for him to lose his cool as an when he likes. People like him will meet his fall one day - when the success gets to his head.

I really don't know what to do.

So many things have been going on with the team, my family, my health.. everything. Life is one big, hazy blur. Somehow I manage to feel so amazingly picayune during training. Not able to do things that the rest can, and then being criticised for it. The world somehow manages to inverse itself upon me. Honestly don't know why life throws you so many curveballs - and you're unable to duck? In the end all of us get hit right smack in the abdomen, in the heart, right where it hurts. Big time. Utopia seems so far away - so inconceivable.

Thank you to everyone who's shown me concern, and offered me their encouragement and support. Ben, Chewy, Justin, Malcolm, Thong, Daryl, Leepeng, Michelle, Rachel etc etc. When times are rough, we'll just stick together to the end. Despite the unreasonable circumstances, the team somehow WILL pull through.

PW's over. I had a compelling urge to just delete everything to do with PW2004 from my PC and my thumbdrive, but I felt this inexcplicable pang. I mean, this is something I've worked at for the entire year and, ZAP, it's just gonna go? Well, I honestly don't know. Maybe I'll keep the file around for a while more, until I get really sick of it.

Right now everyone's gonna think I'm insane.

Anyways, it's confirmed. K1 500m along with Leepeng, while Mich and Rach are gonna take the 1000 event. Xintian's in a K2 with Huiying, taking the 500m. I'm really looking forward to training with Leepeng especially. I just know we're gonna make it together. With SDBA in March, that'll be the time when everything should fall into place, I hope. The girls team may not seem to have much potential to others, but I guess eventually we'll prove all those who doubt us wrong. We work hard, and we're just ready to accept whatever challenges hurled at us. We may be scorned, doubted, slighted, in whatever way imaginable, but who gives a flying fuck what others think? It's our team, and we're gonna do it OUR way.

My ankle. Yes. It's not gonna heal. Ever. I'm positive. It's been what - 2 months? I don't know, but warning bells are ringing. I think it's time for an xray, or a scan or whatever. My mom says "I HAVE NO MONEY. YOU GOTTA WAIT FOR DADDY TO GET BACK." and I'm like, GOD, you don't even have the cash to send your daughter for an xray for something that's practically malignant??!! Sometimes, I don't understand her. It's not like I can't go to the hospital myself, not like I have no one to go WITH me even if she doesn't want to. I don't even think she realises the seriousness of the situation. It's just so, so frustrating.

My dad left for Frankfurt, Germany 10 minutes ago. He's so lucky, I wanna go there too. One day, if I ever get the cash, I wanna travel the world. Milan, Paris, Prague, Istanbul, Egypt. Shanghai, Liverpool, Trafalgar Square.. the list just goes on and on. I want to go to museums, see the Mona Lisa. Buy a Van Gogh. Go fossil digging. Buy an Aston Martin. Have my own personal Burberry boutique.

Yeah, I sure do have a truckload of dreams.

Went down to Kallang today to train. Was an informal training though. Covered quite a lot of mileage as compared to previous trainings. I think about 7-8 km. I'm extremely proud of people like Xintian, Rachel, Mindy, Cindy for improving so much in such a short period of time, and I'm just glad that I could be of help. The greatest gift to me is to see them progress, be it massive or minute, it still means a lot to me. Of course, it is largely their own effort that they could be where they are, but I feel somewhat heartened by the fact that I could be there for them, offering them encouragement.

Had a rather longlonglong conversation with Justin over sms today. Talked about.. life in general. Sometimes I feel like I'm so alienated from the world. Like I'm a martian yet to be oriented into this planet. It's like I'm observing everything around me through a different pair of eyes, not my own.. like I'm separated from my physical self, and the world just vibrates around me. Odd. Freaky. "The world's a rollercoaster and I'm not strapped in" There are weird periods of time when I just find myself asking about my existence, and whether I really DO exist in the first place.

Anyways, I'm just surprised that Justin understands. I mean, not that I doubt him, but he just doesn't seem the type to -- to put it crudely -- give a shit? I mean I knew he could be deep if he wants to but to actually comprehend me is quite a big feat. Nv really met anyone who could FULLY understand. Most people would just nod and go "mmhmm, that's nice. yeah. cool.", saying they understand when they actually think I need psychological help. But he actually offered his own two cents to counter my own eccentric musings. Impressive. Thanks for listening =)

I've fallen sick. All thanks to my stupid sister who sneezed into my face this afternoon. On top of that, my ankle has reached new limits of pain after today's 9.6km run and yesterday's 8km one. Yesterday was still manageable, but today, my ankle gave out after 4km or so. I had told myself that I wasn't gonna stop no matter what, but my teammates eventually convinced me to pull out as I was limping really badly. Cindy jogged the rest of the distance with me at uber slow pace (the rest of the team lapped me thrice). To have been able to make it through the whole distance is all thanks to her encouragement. I've never felt this weak and useless before, with me being one of the faster runners in the team, now having to bow out and not being able to keep up. Michelle's exempting me from running.. and that honestly sucks, knowing that my fitness will drop for sure.

It really irks me to see everyone's OP over and done with, but I still have to struggle with mine. -insert emo rant here-