So I just got my year end bonus. It's a massive sum of money that I don't deserve. Plus there was the Comms parade yesterday that I couldn't attend.

You know, I'd rather they not give me my salary. I'm literally getting paid to soak up british culture, enjoy life and attend a smattering of lessons here and there. WHY? I just don't know what I did to deserve the 2LT rank. Don't know what I've done to warrant them paying me so much. I'd rather they take it back. Compared to the men and women (MY 41st WOCC, MY 6306 OCC, MY 6306 AFST) on the parade square, I'm NOTHING. I don't even have the required grades for the scholarship - it makes me think that everything is just a fluke. They braved the elements to get that sword and that rank. They survived a hell lot of trials and tests of character. They stuck it out.

But me? Seems to me that all I've done is BMT, fired a few army weapons that I will never need, had too much admin time for my own good, a short CWC stint, BRUNEI JST.. got firstclass treatment at airbases.. that's all. I know that on paper I'm a scholar so my career path will just skyrocket yadayada but you know what, I don't freaking care about all these practical and material concerns. I just want to EARN whatever I'm getting now. I want to stand on that parade square, sing the songs, march leftrightleftright, hormat senjata and throw my peakcap/strange-ladies-hat. That's all I want. Compared to a CEREMONY with no marching followed by a LUNCH. AAAARGHHHH.

Where's my freaking pride.