... and how do you know what's right? When you're sucked so deep into a ceaseless whirlpool, a multitude of mixedup emotions, how do you be rational when you're absolutely flailing? Have you ever wondered what it's like to suffocate? I have. Suffocate while you watch the second hand of the clock slowly and cruelly ease its way around the perfect circle. Must be torture.

I suppose that's what officership means. I just told Sam my rank yesterday and he was real impressed. But to me, I realise that I don't really know what I'm gonna face, and I'm apprehensive. Yeah but being an officer means you have to be rational and make split-second decisions even if you're faced with the worst situations you can ever imagine. It's hard, and sometimes the dilemma hurts, but if it hurts, it means that you already know what you've gotta do.

Because truth hurts.

When it hurts, we tend to run away. Escapism, they call it. Cowardice, others might say. One day we'll come to realise that running away and living in denial isn't gonna work anymore. It's like local anaesthetic or morphine - it wears off after a while. It's like marijuana, ecstacy. Temporal alleviation, after which you feel like shit. Living in denial is like a taking drugs. It's so easy to cave in, yet so hard to wean yourself off. So painless to delve straight in, yet so painful to pull straight out.

On a totally unrelated note, when can I talk to you properly again? Baby, it's been a month..