been pretty messedup these few days. only you would know what i'm talking about. sigh.

it's already 0042. whywhywhy isn't he back from navex? sometimes i do feel terribly silly for waiting up for him cos the people at sungeigedong really torture the trainees like crazy. so much for 7hours of sleep huh? BULLSHIT. but i know that eventually when he makes it onto that parade square, when his parents affix the epaulette, when the command is bellowed for him to remove his peakcap and place it over his heart, when he finally hurls the cap into the air and runs around the parade square.. he'll be proud. somewhere in york, i'll be proud too. i wish i could attend his commissioning parade, really. i know he wants me to be there, but i can't.

i'm sorry baby. we're just victims of circumstances. even now, with less than a month before i fly off, the time we talk to each other every day just gets shorter and shorter. you're right, maybe i should be focusing on what we CAN do and not what we CAN'T. but still, it's easy to say all that fluff but it's david vs goliath to actually DO it. it's painful.

eventually, when we make it we'll show everyone why we're different from other couples.