Crunchtime, van.

So yeah this is it. My future, my career is gonna be determined come 315pm today. I can bomb it, I can leave them grappling with indecision.. or I can ace it. It's scary to think that your entire LIFE is gonna be in the hands of a merciless 18-member panel who dictates whether you eventually turn out a high flyer or a.. plebeian - to put it crudely. Nevertheless, I think I'll just go in with the mentality that scholar or not, I'm gonna make a difference, spend my remaining time in the force fruitfully. That way, I know I'll certainly have nothing to lose.

To come so far only to get shot down would be an immense blow - I'm not denying that. But to even have reached this level, I think my own expectations of myself have been surpassed. Back in NJ, getting this close to a prestigious scholarship was to me unfathomable, but I'm not saying that "this close" is enough for me. If given more opportunities, I'd rather grasp the stinging nettle firmly and not shy away from lofty targets and ideals.

I think I've changed in these 6 months. Less frivolous, less airyfairy, but more rooted to what's important, and most importantly, more mature. Being in the SAF has allowed me to see things differently from most people, realising the importance of the things in life that we take for granted. Most crucial would probably be the fact that I've learnt to be more independent, more in tune with my thoughts and emotions.

I don't know why I'm suddenly in such a reflective mood, but I guess it's necessary to precede every interview with self-reflection. Wish me luck, but I'll just prepare myself for the worst - so I won't take it too hard when it happens.