Well, despite the fact that my grades don't meet the scholarship requirement, the board decided to let me continue on as a provisional SMS scholar for the rest of service term. They could have chopped me off, but they didn't, based on my interview, military performance, but most importantly, thanks to the people who put in a good word for me. Wing Comd, the Army people.. really I couldn't be more fortunate. Anyway, I think in lieu of what Maj Jasper told me, I think there's gonna be zero hesitation. I'm choosing Army as my service, and the vocation probably would be Armour, Infantry, Artillery in that order of preference.

Anyways, yesterday, after the interview, the 6 of us went over to Northpoint to slack and wait for the Artillery visit at Khatib camp. We were in SMART FOUR on the trains. Good grief. Everyone was staring at us. Ladies in armygreen with the Singapura epaulette. Hoho. Must have been a unique sight. Later, Cpt Sylvester told us that we CANNOT sleep in our Smart Four! Damn. We didn't know that. Haha. Anyway I don't think I'll be wearing Smart4 out anytime soon..

Today was good tooooo. Girls team came over to bake an Oreo cheesecake for Mich's birthday. My mom was so amused by them cos they were making such a huge commotion in the kitchen and Ps was sooo exasperated. We were like little kids asking so many questions. Huiying and Leepeng were fighting (as usual) over the grinder and who to pound the oreos. In the end Huiying won. (As USUAL) Funfunfun. Then over to Glutton's Bay at the Esplanade for lots of sinful hawker fare and a short chitchat/sparkler wielding session at Clarke Quay, reminiscent of Regatta 2004. I love the girls. Really. GIRLS, DO YOU HEAR ME. I LOVE YOUUUUU ALL. :) Cya on 8th April!!

Anyways.. I'm beginning to think about some stuff. I glad we really talked today.. clarified some stuff.. and I'm heartened to know that I got things off my chest and told you what I've always wanted to say. :)

They say that when you go into the army, you lose a lot of yourself.

I recently renovated my bathroom, and installed a shower cubicle with glass panels. I love taking hot showers, so the glass walls get fogged up. Taking a shower, to me, is a time for me to think, to self-evaluate. So I write all my thoughts on the foggy glass panel and happily watch them get clouded up again, as the mist slowly envelops my finger-scrawled letters, smothering my words till they fade away. Somehow, that asphyxiated feeling as you watch the steam eating away your thoughts gives me a sick thrill. Hoho.

I remember there was this entry some time ago where I was musing about betrayal and how it smells like. Now I finally have the answer. Betrayal doesn't smell like anything. It's odourless, for it has a cunning way of just slithering up to you, wrapping itself around your throat and squeezing tightly till your lungs feel like they're gonna erupt. The best thing, it glides up to you, and stays there for an unspecified period of time, until you're caught off guard, and then, it strikes. Yes, I'm doing a snake analogy here, and it couldn't be more apt.

They say in the army, there are lots and lots of snakes.

I tried to find myself again today.

After lunch at fishnco with Joanne & Wanling, stopped by town for a while before training. Did happysnappy shopping. Walked to the MAC counter and got blusher + lipstick. Goodbye $61. Next stop, Kinokuniya. Browsed through art books!! Fashion, photography, graphic design.. it was total HEAVEN. Bought this book - Creative Sparks. Just reading the stuff inside makes me want to get out my pen and doodle. Goodbye $45!

I want a polaroid camera. I love polaroids. They've got this kind of honesty and simplicity to them. If polaroids were a novel, they'd be Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. Okay, totally irrelevent, but I like stuff like that. Personal, raw, gritty. Kinda like, the first bits of snowfall on a chilly winter's day - pristine, fresh. Polaroid film is bloody expensive though, which would probably restrict my triggerhappy tendencies, but OHWELL. I want! *beams

There's something screwy with my modem, and the internet connection of my Powerbook can't work for some reason. This coupled with the fact that Singnet's hotline is CONSTANTLY engaged, and when my dad finally got through, the guy said he'll call back after checking the problem out. They take more than 24h to call back, and when they did, we weren't at home, so they told us to call THEM back. Now, how am I supposed to do that when I can't get through??? Lunatics.

So I'm really missing my Powerbook with its Steve Finnan wallpaper :( Have to switch back to the PC again, and it feels sooooo weird.

Somehow, I kinda feel like I'm losing touch with myself. Now that I've got my block leave, I find myself whiling away time, doing nothing, and it feels WEIRD, as if there's no purpose. Not that there's anything wrong with slacking for once, but just that.. I feel as if I'm existing for the sake of existing. It's that kinda inexplicable feeling where your inner soul seems detached from the outer shell.

And I wanna do art again. :(

DAV! Thanks for last night girl :) Went over to Katong Mall to find Dav at Awfully Chocolate after stupid chewypoo cancelled on me last minute when I'd already left house. She gave me free ice cream, we ordered delivery from this Western place opposite and just spent time catching up. She bitching about her quirky customers and me filling her in about the past three months. Gosh, it's really been a while, but till 19th, there's gonna be plenty of time to meet up again. In fact, I've got so much time on my hands that I'm really at a loss. It feels so surreal.. no water parades, no 0530, no 5bx (no more 5bxxxxxx, no more soc!!), NO BATHING WITH COLD WATER - at least till 19th :)

Yeah I'm just a happy camper today. Especially since Dav's coming over to bake later, and I can officially renounce my status as kitchen hazard! All hail my amazing housewifey transformation!

Choose an artiste and answer the questions using the lyrics of their songs.

Artiste chosen: Everclear

Are you female or male:
There is a bridge where I hate to go
That is where I first saw her
High on the bridge
I seen her red hair shining
There is a girl I never knew

Describe yourself:
She is perfect in that fucked up way
That all the magazines seem to want to glorify these days
She looks like a teenage anthem
She looks like she used to be happy
With the girl inside

How do some people feel about you:
Met her at a party and I took her home
She is the saddest girl that I have ever known
She wakes me up in the middle of the night
Just to tell me everything will be alright

How do you feel about yourself:
You say what they say
You try to be everything to everyone
You know all the right people
You play all the right games
You always try to be
Everything to everyone

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:
You seem to make the same mistakes all the time
Sometimes it’s not too hard to understand why
You say you hate the things you have done
Yeah, you have been running with your back to the sun
You want to find a place where you don’t have to hide
You say you’re just happy to be alive

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:
N/A

Describe what you want to be:
I just want to be where the sun shines down
I just want to be where the sun shines down
I just want to be with you

Describe how you love:
Yeah, we never talk about the future
We never talk about the past anymore
We never ask ourselves the questions
To the answers that nobody even wants to know

Describe how you live:
I don’t want you to make me
Do not need you to break me
Of all my childish ways
I’m still the same you know
Dumb, rock hard and good to go

Share a few words of wisdom:
Promises mean everything
When you’re little and the world so big
I just don’t understand
how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes
and tell me everything is wonderful now

Today was emotional. First there was POC in the morning.. marching in with weapons high port, signifying the end of our course.. it was a damn proud moment for 41st WOCC. I guess it eventually hit home that from today onwards, we won't be known as 41st WOCC anymore.. SIGH. Plus Joyce won't be joining us for our Leadership term.. it's damn saddening. I'm gonna miss these girls like hell after Leadership term.

Then of course, results. I must say I wasn't even thinking about it since yesterday we had a 24-km route march, and all that was on my mind was how to survive w/o getting blisters. Then afer that, I think all 10 of us in camp were practically the only A Level students round the country who had no problems getting to sleep the night before results, cos we were so bloody shagged. Plus, we had to wake up at 6am the next day to rehearse for our parade. SO results were the last thing on my mind.

Must say I'm quite upset with my Math grade, after all the effort I put in. Got a very average C, so.. was really pissed that it marred the otherwise perfect results slip. GP too was a disappointment, but History S was a very pleasant surprise, what with that Distinction that appeared outta nowhere, compelling me to give Ms Suhaili a HUUUUGE hug after that. Despite everything, I'm ok about it, I'm not gonna whine and complain that I didn't do as well as I expected because I really didn't expect anything stellar. Just knowing that I did put in my all is enough.

So now, the real world is beckoning.