This is terrible. Saturday morning and you're feeling the lowest of lows you've ever felt. It sucks when you're feeling like shit and someone tells you that he's totally happy and doesn't want to change anything. I want to run away. Perhaps it was the trigger for everything how he was so aloof and so distant despite the fact that I was expecting some semblance of a conversation perhaps I was terribly deluded. Now I don't know what I want so I called weejin and went a bit bonkers so I'm meeting him at cityhall for lunch later I really really want to just run away. I'm not in the right state of mind and I think everything is gonna convulse and then collapse in a messy heap. I want to dissolve and melt into the ground and just disappear from the face of the earth - you think anyone would notice? I want to paint. I don't want just fleeting, ephemeral stuff I want solidity and something sempiternal. Maybe you can promise me that. stop all the selfcenteredness and pay more attention to the people around you. The pain is gonna prolong that's for sure, and I don't ever want to see my artwork again cos it hurts. Tomorrow will be better I think but no no then again I don't think so since everyday is the same old routine wake up mope eat mope study mope sleep. I gotta snap out of this trance and stop living in my own phantasmal world. Find me someone who can understand, someone who can "make my day no matter how screwed up my day has been" - I quoth you. I need a lot of these someones cos my days have always been screwed up it's been like that for ages. I want to cry and bawl like an oversized infant. An amalgamation of everything that's been bugging me is threatening to runneth over and I'm just ranting here like a deranged psycho. Something's really wrong I've never known myself to be like that before and I don't know how to handle it. Help me, I know I have to help myself first I want aromatherapy.