Somehow get this inexplicable surge of feeling that has been on my conscience for a longlongtime. Been brooding over this for quite a long time and I know that I can't reverse the sands of time so why the heck is this still persisting i really don't know. things have so obviously and irrevocably changed and the past has coalesced into nothing but an overlarge dustbunny hidden in the crevices of an old chest of drawers. So there's no point with ambivalence and sitting on the fence. The axiom goes that things can never be altered. There are times when you're sure like spitfire but nononono it's not all the time. Time to lead an ascetic life but is that what I want. Sure, the events mean something the person means much more but why did you do something you know you would regret? Deep down despite you saying overover you know it's not so why put on your garish accoutrement and try to bluff your way down the runway of life. Sanctimonious talk about nonbetrayal but oh, look what you've done! Horror of horrors but the realisation came too late. Acrimonious feelings all evaporated and flushed down the Pacific Ocean for that's where the sewage goes doesn't it? When you were content you chose to relinquish contentment for what on the surface seemed utopian. Ignoring the warning bells and the superficiality of it all you went ahead and left a trail of hurt and desolation. Turning a deaf ear to pleas and cajoles and trinkets and mementos choosing instead lies and misery and a taste of your own medicine. maybe it all stemmed from that day a ghost of the past come back to poke and pry into your misconceived perfectlife. How deluded, van. Maybe this is all a farce and the true calling lies elsewhere but who can take everything away. A new beginning is what we all need. Renewal and regeneration calls out but we cannot grasp the nettle firmly and we take the path with the promise of rainbow at the end only to find out we've been duped by fate. Perhaps you're ready but you're afraid cos you don't know what on earth is gonna happen to you. if only sense had caught up with you plus there's no point self-reproaching reaching the plateau of stagnation instead of the apogee of progress. The true progress I want cannot be achieved and it's confirmed straight from the horse's mouth and ouchhh hurt bigtime. Always apotheosis, but i am the penultimate.