Okay.. so based totally on a complete WHIM, I decided to message ms ting and tell her I wanna apply for a US-university. Previously I was all against going abroad because I didn't wanna get off my lazy ass and apply/start a new life and leave everything behind. But then I realised.. I'm actually not leaving anything behind apart from my family, and it's not as if I'm severing ties with them. Perhaps I've been too parochial and it's high time for me to see the world. I'm not saying that I WILL go, it depends on my scholarship apps too, but I guess if all goes well, I'll be with the SAF. Seriously. As for which institutions, I'm kinda inclined to Chicago. It's another whimsical thing, but hey, I'm probably applying just to keep my options open.. no guarantees just yet. Based on my BBBO results slip.. I honestly don't know where my standards lie. I don't know how the predicted grades are gonna be like, but.. it's nice to have a purpose.. for once.

Anyway, on another note, perhaps it's just me, pensively asking myself what I want to get out of this life. I was talking about a complete overhaul, and I think applying to US or even going there for real would be THE total and ultimate subversion for me. I used to think that I would be throwing away all my comforts and heading down to somewhere totally foreign and strange (OKAY OKAY, I'm a bit xenophobic!) but then again.. what incentives are there for me to stay here? There's only canoeing, I suppose. One measly little reason.

I think it's come to a point where I'm sick and tired of being in this position. Sick of being told what to do by you, and really really pissed off with you trying to control my life and treating me like your dog. I don't want to obey the "GO AWAY"s or the "For god's sake do your damn work"s anymore. I mean, who are you to speak to me like that? You know, I tried today only to get totally brushed aside. I tried. Perhaps that brushoff partially influenced my decision to apply abroad. No wait, this sounds like I'm running away from home, but I have to say that today's events made me realise how narrow my perspectives have been and how I shouldn't just give up opportunities because of little insignificant things. Truthfully, I do want to get away and really start things afresh. Wish me luck.