OMG, I'm terribly bruised and battered from today's canoe polo. Suddenly, Yong decided to let Leepeng rest and made me the only senior at canoe polo today. My elbows, hips, and my NECK hurts. The junior guys are super rough. Caleb and Wenpan both looked like they wanted to murder me. Someone rammed into my waist with his boat and knocked the wind out of me. Got whacked by the paddle a million times. PLUS I'm super rusty, and I missed an open goal. Damn.

On top of that, I have a disgusting splitting headache which has lasted for the whole damn day. The panadol didn't help, neither did Yiffy's suggestion of drinking chrysanthemum tea. My brain feels like it weighs a ton and is about to drop out through my chin. Guess maybe I'm gonna do a bit of art and pop the aspirin and have a very early night.

Sometimes it feels like things are going pretty fine, but then again, maybe it isn't. I hate flux. You can be so immensely mercurial sometimes and that really confuses me. Things are so unpredictable now, and I hate to think how it would be like in the future cos it really freaks me out.

Someone was nice to me today, but it made me wonder if it were just a facade. Don't force conversation out of me. I hate that. It's kinda hard to believe that you're sincere when all you've been so far is but a technicoloured lie. "How are you going home?" Like as if you genuinely give a shit? I seriously doubt it. What's with the sudden about-turn? I don't accept the schizophrenia. Maybe I'm being queen bitch, but I'm sick and tired of being Little Miss Vulnerable. Don't expect me to be nice and warm like how it was in the past cos it's NOT the past. That was then, this is now. I totally stabbed myself in the foot with my congenial outlook, and I'm definitely not gonna let you catch me off guard again. Call me bitter, jaded, whatever, but there's absolutely no chance that anything can be salvaged, and I don't WANT to salvage anything. I can't be bothered.