I'm awake again. Even after rowing four races today. It must be the adrenaline.

I'm glad I know now how you really feel. I don't see how you can deny that things are taking a turn. Honestly, I don't know how much longer I can stand this. Although now we talk about the future as if it's nothing but a technicoloured sea breeze. Like it's something pretty, something of spun silk. Golden threads of nostalgia draped over misty gazebos. But everything pretty has to end, and things of beauty have this annoying tendency to be fleeting and transitory.

Nothing is certain. I don't know if things will change tomorrow. Or in the next hour. Perhaps one day that dreaded message will arrive. "1 New Message", and the contents would be bitter. Then I'll take my phone and hurl it out the window. One day, maybe, the compromise would be (unwillingly) struck, and everything will just cease to exist.. nothing but a faded illusion of the not-so-distant past. One day, you might just change your mind and realise that you've made the biggest mistake of your life. Maybe you'll end up hurting someone you thought you cared about. Wait - maybe you never cared about her, but you coerced and hypnotised yourself into believing that you cared about her. Maybe it was all just a masquerade. "IcareIcareIcare" If you say that enough times, you might just start believing in it.

From the way things are now, it's nothing but flux. Give me something that I can fall back on. Something that solidifies, and doesn't just linger.. then disappear in wisps of smoke. When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring. This is so.. unnerving. Fuck, just be a little nicer will you? I'm really trying to find your sincerity here. Digging a hole in the soil, but never finding your buried treasure.

I just pressed the SHIFT key five times without realising. Stickykeys gets turned on. That's so cool.