I hope tomorrow will be a better day. But considering that it's College Day and all that fuckshit, I doubt it. I'm in no condition to go. Honestly. I don't want to wear the bloody red tie and sit in the hall watching performances. (No offence to Yif, Cher, Sam, Shiwei etc who are performing though) I'm just not in the mood to be cooped up when I could be sleeping at home. I don't want to look all beatified and prim and proper in front of VIPs. Neither do I want to be around people.
I wonder what it feels like to be a recluse, to be living by myself in a cave, like Jean-Baptiste Grenouille in "Perfume" by Patrick Suskind. To immerse yourself in nothingness. Perhaps only then can I figure out what I really want, who I really am. I know I shouldn't be spending all my effort thinking and musing, but I can't help it. I guess I'm falling victim to this deadly disease called.. gosh I don't even know nomenclature. Wonderful.
You DON'T need me. It's all laid out before our eyes, plain and crystal clear. Stop living in delusion. Your aim - to hurt. Your aim, achieved. Happy now? I hope you are. You could even bear to avoid me, after all the embellished words. Words. Get it? They're just WORDS. You're just like everyone else. A blind carbon copy. I can't believe I was naive enough to think you were different. Van's gullibility strikes again. What is truth? I don't know. You were honest, an open book. But now you're shut away. Gone. Dejavu. I'm so bloody stupid.
Vanessa Lim 2:41 p. m.
