Today was just lousy. Someone said something (albeit not about me) which I overheard and made me really upset. It's not really the content of what was said that bothered me, but it's my own unwitting reaction to those cutting words that really caught me off guard. The point is that I really shouldn't be feeling this way at all.. nothing warrants this, unless what I feared right from the beginning is starting to take shape. Suddenly, everything seems hazy, nothing is ever clear anymore. Ambivalence, that's what it is.
It didn't really help that someone else did something that really irked me. All the promises to change just go down the drain. All the SUGAR-COATING. The lies, the fallacies. How do you expect me to believe you if you keep going back on what you so steadfastly and firmly promised?
Dav, I'm really glad we talked. I've not told any girl about what's really going on, so I haven't had a more sensitive outlook on things.. I guess it kinda helped me put things into perspective a little, though I'm still hopelessly clueless. As for what I'm going to do, I can only see those intimidating question marks revolving around my head. The last thing I need now is a dilemma, especially at this stage when I'm floundering and lagging in studies, but I still find myself stuck in quicksand. The more you struggle, the deeper you sink, and that's what's happening to me now. The more I try to extricate myself from this imbroglio, it seems that I'm plunging deeper into the crevice. I just don't know anymore..
Vanessa Lim 2:39 p. m.
