when time and confusion collide

the name is vanessa but everybody calls me van. estranged ex-NJCanoeist of 2004/05 K2-500m. I'm a WSO (FIGHTER) trainee and I'm doing my BA(Hons) English and Politics in the University of York. I like fast cars, literature, art and tulips. I cannot cook. When I was younger I wanted to be an astronaut. I am hopeless at math or anything remotely related to formulae. I detest parsley. I love the colour burgundy. My Macbook is my bestfriend and I've played with Macs since I was 15 so no, I didn't jump on the bandwagon. I have lofty dreams but I'm often afraid to chase them. I don't get angry I get disappointed. I intend to learn Spanish and German. Oh, and I think Liverpool kicksmajorass - I am not a fair-weathered fan. I think ambiguity is beautiful.

DECEMBRE/DECIEMBRE/DECEMBRO
02 -- Thong's bday
05 -- Shumin's bday
07 -- Howeeeeee's bday
08 -- Daddy's bday
09 -- Commsparade!
11 -- Politics exam, snowball
14 -- MY bday!!
15 -- End of term!!!!!!!! To London.
17 -- 07
18 -- Flying home!
19 -- Touchdown 1855 SQ321
30 -- Back to London

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Just saw the training plan for tomorrow, and I'm at canoe polo. Sigh. I desperately need to train in my K1. Look how much mileage I've missed already. I owe a fucking Standard Chartered in running to make up for the rowing I've missed. 42km, and counting, since I'm gonna miss all of Mondays and Fridays. How I'm gonna cover everything is a mystery to me. Something tells me that I'm gonna be lagging big time, given how much Huiying and Chit are improving. I'm glad I have Rach in the same boat (PUN NOT INTENDED!) so I have someone to talk to when things are really going wrong. Sigh.

I've been feeling weak. Very very very weak. I don't know if it's just a mental barrier, but I hope whatever it is that's holding me back, I'll be able to overcome it. I haven't trained for a week but it feels like a month. It's slipping away from me. Every single thing that I built up.. gone, just because my lessons clash with training. My pull ups. I can still manage 10, but it falls short. I don't know what I can do anymore.. I'm just gonna suck.

Oh, was at Queensway today and saw these absolutely SEXY pair of New Balance Racers. $145.95. They're red and black and totally mind-blowing. I think I might try very hard to persuade my dad to get it for me. I rarely see anything that I want so badly. Argh. I WANT THOSE SHOES!