K1 500 and T2 1000. AAAAAAAAAAAARGH. It's gonna be a challenge, yes, but I'm honestly a little apprehensive. T2. Eep. The thing I'm most concerned about is direction. Shits. Perhaps I should start hard left/right-ing in my K1 instead of using the rudder.

I honestly hate being so bloody trapped. It's like I find myself catering to your whims. It's agonising. I tell myself that I really shouldn't be subjecting myself to so much crap but yet it's this unconsciousness or subconsciousness that compels me to do things against my own wishes. I just want everything to stop, for there to be a calm.. a period of time where there are no storms to cause the sea unrest. Blaming myself won't get me anywhere, that I realise. Perhaps you should look at yourself in the mirror and see your faults reflected in you before chucking all the negativity on me. Is this justified? I don't know. I don't see anyone as indespensible, but yet it's this urge that forces me to keep going and going despite reaping little results. Little promised results, if I might add.

Sometimes I really wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Maybe words are just empty, maybe promises and vows were just made to be broken. Sugar-coat all your empty rhetoric, and make me believe it in all my naivety. Your actions contradict your words, and you're confusing me. I want to find the answers but somehow it's eluding me. Fate is evil. Driving you in circles, frustrating you, trying to break you down.

For now the decision is open again.