when time and confusion collide

the name is vanessa but everybody calls me van. estranged ex-NJCanoeist of 2004/05 K2-500m. I'm a WSO (FIGHTER) trainee and I'm doing my BA(Hons) English and Politics in the University of York. I like fast cars, literature, art and tulips. I cannot cook. When I was younger I wanted to be an astronaut. I am hopeless at math or anything remotely related to formulae. I detest parsley. I love the colour burgundy. My Macbook is my bestfriend and I've played with Macs since I was 15 so no, I didn't jump on the bandwagon. I have lofty dreams but I'm often afraid to chase them. I don't get angry I get disappointed. I intend to learn Spanish and German. Oh, and I think Liverpool kicksmajorass - I am not a fair-weathered fan. I think ambiguity is beautiful.

DECEMBRE/DECIEMBRE/DECEMBRO
02 -- Thong's bday
05 -- Shumin's bday
07 -- Howeeeeee's bday
08 -- Daddy's bday
09 -- Commsparade!
11 -- Politics exam, snowball
14 -- MY bday!!
15 -- End of term!!!!!!!! To London.
17 -- 07
18 -- Flying home!
19 -- Touchdown 1855 SQ321
30 -- Back to London

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Lyrics by: The Fray

Here I go, scream my lungs out, trying to get to you.

I hate being so dependant. I hate doing things against my will, doing things that I know aren't right but yet I'm so subconsciously CHAINED and bound. You're just so unfathomable, you know? So bloody unpredictable. Why do things just suddenly change when you least expect it? Why is everything always falling apart? I'm still trying to figure you out. You're just like that Rubix Cube you've got. Twist twist twist but I can never get it the way it should be. Funny how I'm doing all the twisting but yet you do not accomodate nor do you respond.

Why do you build me up, buttercup baby just to let me down, mess me around.

Damn it I'm so pathetic. So clingy. Just cannot let go of things that I should be free from. It's damaging me, I know, but yet I just let myself be damaged like that, do a Freud and let my subconscious being take full control. I'm outside, watching myself get destroyed. I really wish I can get to know you better but YOU are the impediment. You just have to make yourself so impervious that I can't get through to you. I hate trying but reaping no results, but yet I can't give up. Why? Because I thrive on it. I live on trying to connect to you. Without that motivation, I'm hopelessly asphyxiated. So fucking pathetic.

I guess our song is over, as we begin to sing.