While I was at Borders yesterday, looking for an Xmas present for Lings, I happily digressed and walked over to the stationery section, where all the notebooks were. Chew had to remind me very kindly that I wasn't looking for something for myself, but for someone else. I just couldn't help it. It was like, animal magnetism. Some invisible, powerful force pulling me to the notebooks with all their pretty covers and smooth, crisp, lined paper. I need a new notebook/journal/planner for the new year. I WILL use it, I promise I will.

Actually, apart from Resolutions, I think every New Year deserves another big R - Retrospect. So here, I'm gonna muse about how 2004 was to me. Peruse at own peril.

What can I say. New JC, new environment, after 9 years in a convent all the way from Primary 2. Met a fantastic bunch of people. Chewy, Dav, Sam, Bea, Shiwei, Mel, Henry, Cher, Yiffy, Weejin, Xintian, Vin, Thong, Justin, Chunhow, Szewei, Junxu, Andrew etcetc just to name a few many. Some people who crossed my path weren't exactly very desirable, but I've remained civil to these people.

Then of course, who can forget Jeff. Meeting him was the best and worst thing that happened to me. Best -- he made me realise what a dangerous thing naivety is, and how not to trust people that easily. He was a good friend, but everything just fell apart. The worst - of course, he made me a total wreck for a long while. Tore apart my self-confidence and just screwed everything up. It was amazing while our friendship lasted, and it just shows, in just a short span of a month, you can go from inseperable to imbroglio. At least I can say that on my part, I did try to salvage the friendship, but he just wasn't interested and I learnt to pick myself up and let go.

Academics. What a disaster. I really really must start bucking up. Seeing grades I've never seen before in my entire life. Es and Ds. Bah. I've only seen ONE measly A the whole year and that was for a non-A level subject - GP. My linguistic abilities are okay. Not particularly spectacular but can be honed. Art was a letdown, despite the scholarship. I know that I can do much better than I've been doing now, and I just have to spend more time on it. It's something I have such a passion for, and I'm actually sufficiently adept at, but I'm just not making much of an effort. The same goes with Lit. Although the teachers have kinda snuffed my love for it, I still want to push. Literature - it's a beautiful subject, but maybe I'm not meant for it. Math is something I desperately need help in, and I have been making an effort.

All in all, 2004 was a bloody rollercoaster ride, with more downs than ups, but I'm certain that I'm a stronger person after everything that happened. I've grown a lot this year, and the people around me who stood by me through thick and thin have really helped mould me into a better person. Despite all the crap, I still think 2004 was fulfilling, in terms of life's lessons and values, and I'm hoping 05 will be much more, with me helming my own journey of self-discovery.