i walked under a bus * i got hit by a train

2007-01-04T01:30:00.000Z

AABSOLUT.NET

Yeah that's the new blog. FINALLY shifted. New year new start.

Plus there's also
SPY
my photoblog.

SO, go give them both a bit of lovin'. still under construction though! This blog has served me well.. but the emotional baggage is insane, so it's time to move on.

2007-01-03T10:31:00.000Z

Oxford was super amazing. Thanks Jishan! Now I'm all psyched up to do my masters there and I AM GONNA STUDY VERY HARD. Photos soon! I'm lazy.

Jish came back with me to London so today we're gonna go to Greenwich and go shopping at Oxford St again! Oh and tomorrow's Hyde Park day, Friday's gonna be Tate Modern and I'm heading to Notts to visit Jinping toooo. Sunday's back to York! Wheeeeeeeeeeee.

2006-12-31T17:32:00.000Z

London!

My suitcase weighed like 25kg and I had to lug it and a handcarry from Heathrow to Canary Wharf and up and down escalators that weren't in operation at like 7am in the morning. FUCK. I really could've died - shows how unfit I am now bleargh.

Having a little NYE countdown thingy at Leon's place! Curry for dinner woohoo. 2007 here I commmmeeeeee. On second thoughts - damn it I hate 2007 I just KNOW it's gonna be the downhill part of my sinecurve.

2006-12-30T08:32:00.000Z

Ugh, my internet connection is a BITCH. It's taking forever to load pages cos of the taiwan earthquake thing. never mind. flying tonight! SQ322 taking off at 2320 from Terminal 2 - which is basically the same details as the time I first flew.

People still owe me photos! Ahh and my camera is repaired so please expect lotsa London photos yeah :) I HAVE to visit the Tate Modern when I'm there this time!

Ahh it's almost 2007. So I've decided to make resolutions this time..

Study. Like REALLY study.
Shop less
Do volunteer work
Be more positive (the glass is half-full, van)
Write in a paper journal every day if possible
Take more photos
Concentrate more on art
Go to the gym. FREQUENTLY.
Smile more
Travel!!

You'll see a new me returning back from York :) Till July 2007! Will miss everyone to bits. xxx

2006-12-26T15:44:00.000Z

Updated schedule: (You know you're really jampacked when you have to start squeezing in people for breakfast and tea)

27th - Lunch+shopping: Zurong. Dinner: TEAM!
28th - Lunch: CPT Aaron. Tea: Angwei, Yeemeng. Dinner: artsfac girls (??)
29th - Breakfast: IJ girls. Lunch+Movie: Howe. Dinner: Airwing officers
30th - Lunch: Family. Dinner: EMPTY (flight is at 2320)

Watched Night at the Museum with Zurong and Yunhui. (With my sister coincidentally also watching the same thing and sitting behind me too) It actually wasn't as bad as I'd expected it to be. At least it had a PLOT. (Unlike some movies like TokyoDrift) Though it was corny at times at least it wasn't predictable. Had me at the edge of my seat actually. Ah and Yunhui can drive, and he's one of the very few people I can sit in a car with and feel really really safe on the roads - like I know that he knows what he's doing.

I promise. Really.

2006-12-25T10:05:00.000Z

Change.

The car changed. BMW 3-series now. Don'tlikeit. Orchard changed. Stupid wisma underpass closed - irritating. People changed. Justin updated me yesterday on so many things about people that totally shocked me. The weather in uk changed. subzero, they say.

I hate change.

I know people who read this blog think that I'm damn lucky. I've got it all. Scholarship, career, opportunity to study in a top university.. but you know if I had the chance I'd rather work for it step by step. Climb the ladder slowly but surely, NO SHORT CUTS. I'd trade it all to be more in touch with myself, to be more sensible and more... human. I don't look for much success in life.. I don't see how being a topgrade careerwoman will ever atone for a lack of character. I just wish I were a better person - I know you do too. I know we both don't like the people we are now and we wish to change for the better. To put the past behind us and to just embrace the present. We'll still be there for each other.

"Shine on, you were meant to."

2006-12-23T16:56:00.000Z

I suppose to some people, it's easier to let their emotions show - but I'm just not like that. I cover everything up. You say I live a lie. I say I just don't wear my heart on my sleeve like a freaking brevet. I don't think covering up my emotions is LYING. I just don't see the point in being moody around people and affecting their moods so I just try my best to bottle it all up. Is that a bad thing? Does that make me a worse person? IS IT WRONG? It's just how I do things, my own prerogative. I choose not to publicly display what I feel deep down because I just don't wanna affect the people around me. I don't open up to people easily - tell me is that WRONG?

Another constellation dies
Do what you want 'cause it's your own sky
Just call me when the phone stops ringing
Thanks for coming by
I'm just glad I'm on your good side
Where it's smoldering or freezing
It's never all that easy to decide

This is the land of a thousand words
But it seems so few are worth the breath to say
Except I'll be looking after my own world
And you just keep on saving the day
I'll try to stay but it's in vain when you're far
I'm on the run to wherever you are

2006-12-22T15:00:00.000Z

I wouldn't want you to want
To be wanted by me
I wouldn't want you to worry
you'd be drowned within my sea

I only wanted to be wonderful
And wonderful is true
And truth I only really wanted
To be wanted by you

So go play with your piano
Write a mediocre song
Out the shell of mediocrity
And pretend there's nothing wrong.

2006-12-22T13:43:00.000Z

Well. We get idealistic even impractical at times. 2006 is drawing to a close - and i just think it's been one big blur. I shant even bother to summarise it because I think I could write a whole bloody novel just on this year itself. I'm in the midst of shifting the blog - it's getting a bit overwhelming having 2 years of intense archives and well I suppose next year is an entirely new start for me. 2007 sounds really intimidating since year by year, it just seems to get exponentially hectic and eventful. I'm a bit scared.

UPDATED SCHEDULE:

23rd - Lunch: Sam & artsfac guys. Dinner: Jish & LTA Peter
24th - Lunch: Family. Dinner: EMPTY. Post dinner: Justin/Szewei/anyone else interested.
25th - Xmas (howe??)
26th - Lunch: Zurong & Yunhui. Dinner: tentatively reserved
27th - Lunch: EMPTY. Dinner: TEAM!
28th - Lunch: EMPTY. Dinner: artsfac girls (??)
29th - Lunch: CPT Aaron. Dinner: tentatively reserved
30th - Lunch: Family. Dinner: EMPTY (flight is at 2320)

2006-12-20T13:13:00.000Z

First day back. Hmm. Cut my hair finally. Wahoo. I like how it looks this time. Now I can go out and face the world.

Ok so far here's the schedule

21st - Lunch: Lings/Huimin. Dinner: Howe
22nd - Lunch/movie/dinner: Howe (?)
23rd - Morning: Gym w howeee. Lunch: Sam & artsfac guys. Dinner: EMPTY
24th - Sentosa? Dinner: xmas thingy w howe's class
25th - Xmas (howe??)
26th - Lunch/movie: Tom. Dinner: EMPTY
27th - Lunch: EMPTY. Dinner: TEAM!
28th - Lunch: EMPTY. Dinner: artsfac girls (??)
29th - EMPTY
30th - Lunch: Family.

hahahaha. limited slots available.. :)

Anyway, town's changed quite a bit. I hate the stupid blocked up Wisma-OrchardMRT underpass. Poop.

2006-12-19T15:11:00.000Z

I'M HOMEEE.

Not jetlagged. Very sleepy nowww. Blah. I called everyone and nobody picked up! Huiying! Leepeng! Mindy! GROWL. :(((

Eh you all better start chope-ing dates ok. My 21st evening, 23rd noon, 27th evening are full. Possibly 24th whole day too. I should be going back on 30th.. FIRST COME FIRST SERVE OGAY :)))))

2006-12-17T23:19:00.000Z

Sam & I outside Ziggys, moments before I dropped my camera :(

Very bad photo of Kate and I and someone's huge xmas hat.

Dan, me, Kate, Charlotte.

Charlotte!

This was at snowball. Kate & Emma

MORE PHOTOS! In case you all forget what I look like heeheeheeeee. Yes I know my hair is very long now I promise I'll cut it when I get back. I loooove how my makeup stays on in the UK weather. Unlike in singapore - it's soooo humid that everything melts off and your face gets sticky and disgusting.

Home tomorrow! Flight's at 2215 UK time - 0615 SG time. Gonna make a trip to Oxford Street for some last minute shopping before I go back. Gonna buy daddy's tea and mom's M&S shirt if it's available. I'm quite scared of big cities now I think I might hyperventilate in sg :(

2006-12-17T00:02:00.000Z

borough market was heaven!!!!! omg i'm sooo making another trip there when i go back in jan. we were walking around trying not to spend money but then we saw them selling FATASS SCALLOPS!! three fat scallops plus bacon & stirfry for FOUR QUID and we relented. aaaah it was so juicy and succulent and just sooo amazing. THEN we stumbled across this jam shop and we were tasting every kind of jam and then we fell in love with the LAVENDER JAM. omg it was the most heavenly, exquisite and special jam i've ever tasted. but the worst thing - only one bottle left :(((( so i bought it, cos leon and wanling live there and the woman would come back anyway.. aahhh that jam. amazing. plus the woman only makes it when lavender is in season - which makes it even more special :)))

Then wandered around.. found ourselves at millenium bridge and to my absolute delight found myself standing outside the legendary TATE MODERN. No time to visit, but will do that next year. Thennnn there was the bankside crafts fair thing and we strolled through that - saw the most beautiful paper-star lamps but didn't buyyyy :( walked to somewhere near leicester square and there was a FUNFAIR wheeeee. Leon tried to win us that huge teddybear with the rifle game (he's a marksman). The card was filled with white stars w red borders and you're supp to hit 3 separate stars without touching the red borders. We spent like 15quid there and there was one where leon hit two smack in the middle but hit the border for the rest, and another where he hit the border by like ONE MILLIMETRE but the man was so rarrgh about it and refused to give us the big brown bear. BOOOOO :(

Thennn wanling went off for dinner with the RJ people. Met Jinfeng Edwin Bertram!! Been ages since I last saw them. aaand leon brought me to some friedchicken place near Holburn. CHERYL - you MUST go. their chicken is real good. it's near the sainsburys we went into to buy your muller corners and it's called cottage chicken. :))

Am having soooo much fun. End of term feels soooo good!

2006-12-16T13:22:00.000Z

am in london! last night leon brought us to some posh chinese restaurant and paid for everything. he's mad! their place is like a freaking palace compared to my room :( We're heading to borough market later - some hugeass food place! am real relieved that term is over - really hyper and bouncy and happy that i'm coming hooome!

rarrgh anyway i'm a CRIME SUSPECT! they're gonna interrogate all of us regarding sam's laptop omg omg so exciting right!

2006-12-14T23:52:00.000Z

SHIT. Last night kate managed to persuade me to go out to usher in my 19th. SOOO. I relented and ended up drinking like nobody's business. Long Island Ice Tea, Lemon Drop shot, Vodka Coke treble & Tia Maria Orange treble at the same time, K2 Orange, 1.5 Vodka lemon lime. AARGH not good. THEN I dropped my camera on Micklegate and the lens is horrendously ruptured. Thank god I'll be able to go home and get it fixed.

Woke up with a terrible hangover and basically just slept my whole 19th birthday away. Thanks to everyone who wished me. Thong and Chit - I did get your msgs thank youuu :) And to the approx 20 people on facebook who left messages on my wall. To my housemates for the cards and the smoothie recipe book!! And the Singsoc people for the mini celebration.

ARGH then came home to drama.. Sam got his laptop nicked from his room and the culprits ripped the whole socket off the wall while sticking their hands in through a gap in the window. The police are arriving soon. gahhh. This sucks.

2006-12-13T17:00:00.000Z

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

Such Great Heights - The Postal Service

2006-12-13T14:31:00.000Z

ASOS dress. 18quid. Lousy camera phone.

I'M BOREDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

2006-12-12T16:27:00.000Z

I'M FINALLY DONE WITH POLITICS!

The exam was shit. utter bollocks - like what the english would say. But I'm sure my answers are worth more than the pass rate of 40% so it should be all right. I answered the most obscure question - "Votes are money, elections the market, parties the businesses - assess the credibility of this statement" and was basically making my own stuff up about how in a market you can get your money back if you're not satisfied with the outcome of your products but votes are irrevocable. hahahhaa oh dear me. but WHATEVER. no more politics!!!!!!

Ahhh anyway snowball last night was ok. Will wait for kate and emma to upload the photos! Was really tired for most of the night though - but the food was amazing. Cream of leek soup, a proper xmas turkey roast with potatoes, some chocolate mousse for dessert. Then they played swing music which was soooo refreshing but I was just so sleepy for some strange reason.

THEN woke up at an ungodly hour of 0845 in anticipation of the painters. Spent the day with kate and emma barricaded in the kitchen watching like 9852858758 OC episodes on emma's computer. My room was in a STATE, but I must say the painters covered my stuff with the sheets really well so everything was immaculate after they were done so wahooooo :) Now I'm self-declaring the end of term even though I still have English lectures but I'm gonna pretend they don't exist.

YAYYY

2006-12-10T16:34:00.000Z

So I just got my year end bonus. It's a massive sum of money that I don't deserve. Plus there was the Comms parade yesterday that I couldn't attend.

You know, I'd rather they not give me my salary. I'm literally getting paid to soak up british culture, enjoy life and attend a smattering of lessons here and there. WHY? I just don't know what I did to deserve the 2LT rank. Don't know what I've done to warrant them paying me so much. I'd rather they take it back. Compared to the men and women (MY 41st WOCC, MY 6306 OCC, MY 6306 AFST) on the parade square, I'm NOTHING. I don't even have the required grades for the scholarship - it makes me think that everything is just a fluke. They braved the elements to get that sword and that rank. They survived a hell lot of trials and tests of character. They stuck it out.

But me? Seems to me that all I've done is BMT, fired a few army weapons that I will never need, had too much admin time for my own good, a short CWC stint, BRUNEI JST.. got firstclass treatment at airbases.. that's all. I know that on paper I'm a scholar so my career path will just skyrocket yadayada but you know what, I don't freaking care about all these practical and material concerns. I just want to EARN whatever I'm getting now. I want to stand on that parade square, sing the songs, march leftrightleftright, hormat senjata and throw my peakcap/strange-ladies-hat. That's all I want. Compared to a CEREMONY with no marching followed by a LUNCH. AAAARGHHHH.

Where's my freaking pride.

2006-12-10T12:39:00.000Z

Photos from PIRATES VS NINJAS. really long ago. This was where I got real tipsy after antibiotics + alcohol. Funny how the alcohol never hits you till you sit down.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

2006-12-07T16:11:00.000Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOOOOO :P

Florence
16:03
normally either you whisk the egg yolk with the sugar or with egg white read your receipe. just by looking at it you can see if its fluffy its kind like thicken cream

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:04
egg white
16:04
w sugar
16:04
i'm trying to make a meringue
16:04
http://www.nigella.com/recipes/recipe.asp?article=210

Florence
16:04
If its meringue than you beat with sugar

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:05
yaa
16:05
i know
16:05
but what do u mean when its stiff

Florence
16:06
for cakes normally you beat eggs yolk with sugar and beat the whites separately than you have to fold in the flour with your hands with upward mixing

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:07
i'm not baking a CAKE technically
16:07
i'm making a MERINGUE
16:07
GRR
16:07
how do u know when it's STIFF

Florence
16:07
i know am telling you i

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:07
haha ur not answering my qn!!!
16:07
hahahah what on earth is upward mixing

Florence
16:09
i told you can see when its stiff it very fluffy and it doesnt drip off from the whisk didnt i tell you that? when you turn the whisk the tip has to form a curl mah

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:09
that is soft peaks!!
16:10
then how does it become stiff??

Florence
16:11
when its stiff the whole mixing bowl would be full dont overbeat

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:11
WHAT?
16:11
the bowl will be full.

Florence
16:11
ya

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:11
means it's stiff??

Florence
16:11
ha nah (OMG this is priceless. HA NAH!!)

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:12
?? what if my bowl is too small
16:12
and it overflows
16:12
??
16:12
then
16:12
wont it be premature stiffness

Florence
16:12
no lah how big is your mixer? as big as my kitchen aid

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:13
no
16:13
i am
16:13
mixing it by hand

Florence
16:13
OMG you have to whisk a very long time till you hand gets tired

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:13
i know hahaha

Florence
16:13
keep on whisking then

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:14
hahahahha

Florence
16:14
you should be studying why are you at the pantry

vanessa (: I HATE POLITICS
16:15
i am not at the pantry!

OMG my MOM cracks me up. This is her maiden MSN experience lol.

EDIT: 3 HOURS LATER.

The meringue didn't turn out as well as I'd have liked it to though.. meringues are supposed to be crispy but well it was crisp on the outside but squishy inside. Pretty strange stodgy texture but yummy nonetheless. Oh well. I shouldn't have gotten tinned raspberries cos they came in juice and were kinda mushy (I dropped one on the floor and it literally SMASHED). I really don't see where I went wrong - followed the recipe perfectly but yet it's still a bit squidgy. Gahhh. At least I didn't kill anyone. Ahh anyway, Chocolate Raspberry Pavlova, everyone.

2006-12-06T16:11:00.000Z

Hi Chris,

I'm the resident of St Lawrence J14 and my room is scheduled to be painted on Thursday 7th December. I would really appreciate it if this could be rescheduled as I have an important politics exam coming up on the 11th and the painting would be of immense disruption to my revision. Furthermore, I have a visitor coming on that day, and I worked his visit around the fact that painting would be done next week instead of this week. Could you please arrange for a rescheduling of the painting? I do hope this is a valid enough reason. Also, could you please explain why painting is being undergone even though the walls are perfectly fine? I do think the funding for this paint job could be better used on other things. Should the paint job be but a yearly routine - would it not be prudent to assess the state of the rooms before deciding if painting is necessary? If it is really necessary then why isn't the painting undertaken during the long summer vacation where all the rooms are properly vacated? I believe a lot of inconvenience can be avoided this way.

Also, I have recently reported that the water coming out from the taps in the sink in my room - especially the cold tap - is chalky. In the whole of House J, only my taps are affected, and it would be nice if someone came to have a look at that.

Thank you for your time!

Regards,
Vanessa Lim

I managed to reschedule it in the end with the writing of this email. Like what my dad says, if you don't ask, you never get lol.

I'm gonna try to bake my pavlova later methinks. I love Nigella Lawson.

2006-12-05T22:40:00.000Z

It's been raining a lot lately and I love how the raindrops tap periodically against my window. It's a therapeutic, rhythmic kinda sound that's nice to study to. I mean I don't like studying for politics but I'd rather study it with the sound of rain that without. ha.

The painters are coming to paint our rooms on Thursday. Which means I have to take off all the stuff from my wall and remove everything from my shelves cos they're gonna varnish the shelves as well. This is really a prime case of shit timing. Firstly, Guofeng's coming up to celebrate my birthday on Thurs and he's gonna see my room in a tip. Secondly, I can't study in a horrendously cluttered room since all my stuff's gonna be piled up. Thirdly, our rooms don't need painting! mmmmffghh.

As usual not much progress on the studying bit. Am becoming a lazy arse. COME ON VAN. STOP WATCHING GREY'S.

2006-12-05T15:15:00.000Z

Snippet of email from my mom:

Dad is contemplating changing his car. We went to test drive quite a number of makes like BMW, Audi and Lexus. Price of audi A4 is the cheapest at $123K. For the bmw the 523i is at $163000 and 323i is at 145000. Lexus IS250 at $145888. Dad have worked out the cost and but we are still unable to decide.

Arrrrgh nooo I love our car! It's old (a honda odyssey 7seater) but I LOVE IT. It's been in the family for 5years already and I've grown very attached to it. Hope they never come to a decision HEH HEH HEH.

Happy birthday Shumin!!!!!!!!

2006-12-04T16:11:00.000Z

I need:

a haircut
a long coat. (ahhh been looking at asos again)
to satisfy my tweed obsession
to start studying
to wake up on time for my tutorials
to do laundry
to paint my nails
flat-soled boots

2006-12-04T02:14:00.000Z

QUIT GOOGLING ME ALREADY!

I think I know what I want. I thinkk. Like Yeemeng said, no second guessing anymore. Have to be decisive for once even if it means being brutal.

All my life and especially for the past 3 years I've been outward-looking. What with canoeing and getting heavily involved in all sorts of stuff. Then came army and scholarship stuff. Tea sessions with important people. Talking to the Chief of Army. Having a sit-down in the Chief of Air Force's office. Being referred to in emails as "an SMS(W) scholar". It's all about me and how the world perceives me.

Maybe it's time to delve deep within myself for these 4 precious years I have before I enter the realm of the SAF again. Search and dig deep and perhaps I'll find something I never knew existed. I've gotta start thinking about myself and myself. Yes, not myself in relation to the people around me. Live my own life, be not selfish but more sensible. Love myself and know that whatever I do, it's because I'm doing it for my own good - not the good of others. A less eventful uni life would be ideal.

Impossible, maybe, but I'm trying to focus.

2006-12-03T16:34:00.000Z

Hmm. Just realised that we've gotta start house-hunting soon. By Feb all the good houses will be gone. I know I'm an international student and I can stay on campus if I wanted to, but the thing is, the courtyards/corridors get REALLY NOISY in the wee hours of the night and I don't really wanna start all over again. My housemates are godsent, really. We know how to have fun but yet we control ourselves and don't make noise at night - unlike the other occupants of St Lawrence. The thing with living off campus is that you get peace and quiet and you won't be woken up by Beyonce playing at 3am in the morning.

I suppose there's good&bad for both options, but I'm seriously considering off-campus. Not because I don't like my fellow Singaporeans - I love them, but just cos I hate the noise. Plus it'd be nice having your own house. It's such a going-out-into-the-real-world kinda thing. Sweet.

2006-12-01T13:53:00.000Z

Sometimes we're faced with too many choices to deal with. When you've got a bevy of options available for you, how do you judge? Is it as easy as weighing the pros and cons? How can everything be classified as pure black or pure white?

For me, I think about others first. I think about how my actions, words, thoughts, feelings might impact the people around me. Life is one big sacrifice for the people you care about cos you don't wanna hurt them. Sometimes this whole benevolence thing drives me crazy. I think about people too much - and I sometimes tend to neglect my OWN inner emotions clawing to break out. Selflessness they call it - so I can go to heaven.

Sometimes it's not as easy as making a list of good&bad and then seeing which is longer. You've got to look far, envision the consequences of your actions and consider how each consequence will impact on whom. It's like a never-ending mindmap. A concatenated spiderweb. I wish life were like a waterfall. You know, just cascading down in freefall, and just going with the flow - with the assurance that there's only ONE way you can go, no turning back. Lie back and just float. But it's not that simple.

Yet we know that despite all the selflessness, sometimes it can be exhausting. Exhausting to pretend that everything is okay when it's not. Life here is not a bed of roses - I can assure you. I'm having fun, but yet I have to keep in mind that everyone here is as smart and more often smarter than I am. I have to juggle so many things. Obligation to do well and maintain a high percentile so I can show off that stellar report card to the scholarship centre back home. Obligation to my family, so they don't have to bear the consequences should I fuck up. It's stressful, and on top of that there's so many other things to worry about. My dad says that there's a rope around his neck and I'm the one holding on to the end. That's just stressful.

So, we have to make our choices and know our priorities. How do we balance these choices? Based on what we WANT? That would be too selfish. Based on how these choices will affect others? That would be too herculean a task. I don't know. For now I'll go with my gut and hope I'll get the right support.

2006-11-30T14:46:00.000Z

Today my alarm didn't ring so I missed the politics lecture with the awesome lecturer!! gahh. Sam and Debs were apparently banging my door down at 9 in the morning and I didn't hear a thing! If I were still a cadet and this were a turnout, I'd have been majorly screwed. wtfff. I'm in a major crisis. Politics exam gahhh. Help me. I really need divine intervention to get at least a second upper. Granted, I've been getting 2.1 for my politics so far (no one got a first) but still it was the essay written at home with lotsa references. SAVE MY ASS.

Ohhhh the muffins were apparently very very heavenly. I'm gonna do the cranberry ones next. :) The only thing that's stopping me from doing more ambitious stuff is the fact that the supermarkets are so farrr away and we have to do online ordering all the time so we can't get ingredients as and when we like. Poop. I wish we had a tescos within walking distance like Warwick does.

2006-11-29T19:50:00.000Z

I look squashed up.

See, this is what politics readings does to you! bleargh. So i decided to make chocolate cherry muffins but i didn't have cherry jam so i used strawberry instead. they're good. really. my double cream went out of date and i didn't have enough chocolate so i just made do without the frosting. oh well they were sinful enough anyway.

I will cook for people when I get back. if you ask very nicely (:

2006-11-29T15:12:00.000Z

I had two fruitful lectures today.

Uno - politics. I know I'm dropping it and all but I have to take the stupid exam so bleargh have to attend the lectures. Well. We walked in and this roundish old guy was perched on top of the table, sitting in a way that lecturers shouldn't sit lol. Then as he proceeded with his lecture, he actually RECLINED ON HIS SIDE on the table. If you do know Edouard Manet's painting "Olympia", you'll get the picture. I was absolutely stunned. Nevertheless it was the best politics lecture of the term - it was structured and I actually had a clue.

Dos - english. We were expecting a lecture on Beckett's "Endgame" but it turned out to be one on Cinematography and film. All the longshot, panning, tilting and different camera angles, plus actual screenings of films were extremely illuminating. I've always been very interested in film and whenever I watch a movie I try to look at how the mise-en-scène is set up. How the camera angles/lighting/sound contribute to the plot as a whole. Ah and even better - there's a film special module that we can choose in term 3 i think. YAY!

Term's drawing to a close. I suppose I can say I settled here very well, I'm doing what I like (or AM GOING to do what I like once I switch to History) and I've met lots of new people. I've learnt how to cook and bake. I'm finding myself in art again - finding myself as in self-discovery. I'm glad I came here to study instead of being a victim of the rigid singapore education system, where tests and exams consume your entire life of academia. It's less competitive here, more laid-back (being in a small city helps) and I actually feel independant and not spoonfed. It's a whole lot tougher, but definitely - the challenge stimulates my mind and I'm sooo thankful I'm not having major exams like how the NUS/NTU people are having bwahaha.

2006-11-28T19:23:00.000Z

I AM OFFICIALLY ACCEPTED INTO THE HISTORY DEPARTMENT! SCORE!

VAN 1 - 0 POLITICKS!!

2006-11-28T14:02:00.000Z

Ah, sorry for the prolonged absence.

Was in warwick over the weekend and I very cleverly left my macbook adaptor there. Guofeng had to post it to me via expressmail and I just got it back. I'm getting more and more stupid i swear.

Anyway we went to warwick as in warwickshire itself. It was soooo pretty :) The castle was exceptionally gorgeous, but my camera batt died so I've gotta wait for Guofeng to send me the photos on his cam. Then we had a nice dinner at an Italian restaurant called ASK. Ambience was perfect. Lasagna was delicately cheesy but not overpowering. Twas a good weekend.

Been listening to this song a lot lately:

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like is was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me dies when I let you go

Blind - Lifehouse

2006-11-24T15:07:00.000Z

hon. i'm glad we talked, really.

i'm just counting the days till i get back. i honestly can't wait anymoreeeeee i'm jumping up and down and SAM YOU LUCKY GIRL. eat lotsa prata for me ok. team outing, nice dinnerS with baby, artsfac get together.. yay i'm so looking forward. i gotta get past the stupid politics exam first though. poop.

ok this is a frivolous post. oh i checked my sitemeter and i realised that most of my uk visitors are from warwick. and uh. i got people from johns hopkins in USA also. and uh the uk people who visit are from york (duh), warwick, cambridge, sheffield, lse, kings, manchester, notts etc. so fun. i don't know anyone from manchester, sheffield though. but the notts person is using windowsxp so it's not jinping.

shit. this is ridiculous haha.

2006-11-23T20:58:00.000Z

blarrghhh day apart from Art. Am doing a selfportrait in oils. Have been trying to do the politics question since monday but am not making progress.

sigh i'm just not in a very good mood despite art and getting our snowball tickets. it's been a really tough day filled with bitterness, helplessness and close shaves.

ahh debs and sam were so hungover. last night debs kept sliding off her chair and under the table. and we were all in the kitchen singing don't stop me now and wonderwall at 2am. then sam did another rendition of jerusalem. we made so much noise that the porter came round and told us to keep it down. but he chose the moment to come in when debs was under the table and luke was sprawled on the floor haha it was bloody hilarious i swear the craziest thing i've seen in a long time. it was literally like - he opened the door, we stopped mid-song, and he just stared at the amazing sight of two incredibly drunk people on the floor.

i love my housemates. i love times when sam and debs come into my room with carrots and singing along to are you gonna be my girl. and me keeping my room door open so debs can prance around the corridor to the beats of usher. kate and her episode with the blender that she had to be sent to hospital. emma from next door who's practically part of our house. dan who makes a hell lot of noise with his guitars and goes through 8 beers BY HIMSELF then getting so drunk that he slops salad cream all over his leg.

it's when i'm not cooped up in the room that i'm happiest.

2006-11-23T14:09:00.000Z

Am frustrated. With everything. You.

The house is dead quiet cos everyone is SUPREMELY hungover. I must stress that of course I'm not hungover. I am sober. Because I know people worry about me a lot and they think I'll get drunk and get my drink spiked etc. I'm more responsible than that. In fact whenever we go out I'm always the most sober of the lot. Always.

Am still insanely frustrated. I hate politics I have a headache and ararrgh. I'm just making noises now. Since I'm not making sense I'll let the photos speak. Accumulated over time.

With Jess

With Amy.
House J!!!

Yet again <3

2006-11-22T15:12:00.000Z

well. got my 2nd english essay back accompanied with nice nice nice comments from Brockbank. Gosh that guy is legend - how he can make my horrible essay look really nice and make me feel good about myself. He said it was "well-illustrated" and that I was "promising and able". Ahh and he added that if I do switch to History he's gonna be sad that I won't be in his seminars next term cos he'll wanna see how I develop my potential. ISNT HE SWEET.

Speaking of sweet, I love how OCS is connected to the internet now!! Which means MSN with baaybeeee on a weekday how cool is that. I think during the 6months of our relationship we've spent more time APART than together and people like his coursemates don't really believe in us.. but we don't care what others think. We're special in our own right and that makes us even more determined. Sure, we're idealistic, but there's really no harm in being optimistic. That doesn't mean we're not aware about the practical situation though - how it's a long-distance relationship and we have to put in more effort than the usual couple. We've discussed this a kazillion times and we're intent to try our darndest. :)

There you go hon, I wrote something nice! -beams-

OH YA today during Politics lecture I kept smelling cigarette smoke and I thought it was coming from me since I went to Toffs last night (great night btw) and I started sniffing myself and my bag! Then I realised it couldn't have been me cos I'd showered already and I wasn't wearing the same stuff as last night (proves again that I'm sober). I got debs to sniff me too and we concluded that it was from the guy behind us. OMG I could have suffocated and D-I-E-D okay it was horrible. That stale, dead smell. gosh. nothing against smokers as people, but just.. HOW! how can you puff that stupid thing and make your lungs tar-ish and pay money to die early! how!

2006-11-21T16:15:00.000Z

Thong: if you're reading this, I dunno if you got my sms all the way from uk, but CONGRATS ON THE SOM. You don't know how proud I am of you, really. Now I can tell people I know someone who got SOM. wahoo! Go ahead and apply for sms and stuff ok. You've cleared the SAS, the SAS(M).. it's like you're left with one more hurdle to clear (even though I still think you'll make a great SAFOS) for the SMS. So ALL THE BEST. Keep me updated, and if all goes well I'll seeya in UK next year!!

If I tell you I'm reticent by nature, will you believe me? I guess not. I'm honestly really shy and it takes me a while to warm up to people, so in initial conversations I'll just clam up until I observe you better and make the decision whether I wanna talk to you or not. Most of the time I'm very nice unless I'm a) drunk (very very rare), b) annoyed or c) averse to your face/antics - but even then I'll still be moderately civil. People just don't get it. They think I'm hostile, scary etc but I'm actually very warm and approachable once you get to know me.

So, does anyone wanna come to York? I am a very good host :)

2006-11-21T11:11:00.000Z

yesterday was a really really good day. emma and i went for life drawing in Bootham School. It's this boarding school in the city centre and it's SO COOL omg I've never been in an English boarding school before! All the students running around and having communal dinners in that huuuge dining hall that served really nice-smelling foooood kinda like ocs la. hahaha. but rarr it was good fun. sketched with charcoal, pencils and painted quick studies of a very good model whose arm kept getting numb cos of her posing - bless her. i'll be going again next week. i'm glad i've started doin art again.

Went to the Chaaaaarrrles after that despite only having an omelette all day. two pints and i was feeling lightheaded already but still pretty much sober - as always. company was good. kate, emma, dan, jamie, matt. nice people, nice busy ambience.. ah i'll be looking forward to mondays from now on.

Singsoc committee meeting tonight. Followed by Toffs perhaps. I really haven't been out in ages. Been cooping myself up haunted by my essays and readings. One last time to really relax before going into full blast muggermode for my politics exam on the 11th. AH oh ya MINDEF already approved my switch to Eng/Hist, now gotta wait for the history department to QUICKLY CONFIRM omg growl can't they see it's killing me. sigh.

2006-11-19T17:35:00.000Z

The S211 is being replaced by the PC-21 as the RSAF training plane (The Straits Times, 13 Nov 2006). Meaning that as long as the cockpit of the PC-21 is SMALLER than that of the S211, I can at least try for pilot. This is very good news - but it takes effect in June 2008, and our airgrading is in 2007. Looks like I'm going back in dec to discuss with cpt aaron about this.

Dav's gone back to Birmingham. Looks like we've both gotta return to reality. Reality to me means another 1800 words to go for my English essay and reading Pope's Rape of the Lock both by tomorrow. I trust I have everyone's goodluck wishes.

PS: I love my new cowlneck jumper from H&M. It's only 10quid.

2006-11-19T12:10:00.000Z

PHOTOOOOOS! Took dav on a walk around my campus. The buildings are totally concrete jungle. So ugly :( But the lake and all the landscaping is really pretty.

me and dav on campus. whee!

MUSHROOM! Reminds me of my ALevel art project.

Carvings on a tree stump. The route I take to school almost every day.

Closeup

GOLD LEAVES!

I love autumn!!

This is called The Quiet Place. Really.

In The Quiet Place. It's absolutely lovely.

Heslington Hall - part of the uni but it's admin so no one goes there :( Pity cos it's so gorgeous.

Seeee told you the uni is full of ducks.

Then we took the bus to the city centre to SHOP :) I spent 109 pounds and I feel very accomplished cos I haven't shopped for almost 3 weeks. (it's a feat okay!) Here's photos of the city centre.

This is a damn nice soap shop called Lush. Handmade stuff that smells heavenly. Apparently they used to have a branch in sg but they shut! boohoo.

I really don't know what this is, but it's lovely

How the shopping district in York looks like.

Sunset off the river.

Again

Yet again. Sorry it was toooo beautiful to resist.

YUP. It was a goooooood day yesterday, not only cos I bought so much stuff but also cos I managed to drag myself out into town after cooping myself up for so long. I promise I'll not buy anything till London on the 15th. I think.

2006-11-18T02:18:00.000Z

it's been six months :) well that was 2h ago. so six months and a day :)

DAV'S HERE! <3

2006-11-16T18:14:00.000Z

Everyone should just get a FACEBOOK account cos it wastes all the time that you should spend doing your English essay and preparing for your Politics seminar the next day.

I just have to get through this week and I'll be ok. SIGH. When all the shit piles up, it PILES UP. 2 essays, a seminar with 963858 readings, plus Pope's Rape of the Lock on Monday. Then it's Life Drawing!!!!! Ahhhhh yay I'm actually going down to some artplace in the city centre with emma to do life drawing omg i'm damn excited! I feel like drawing with charcoal. Like, go back to the basics again.. i miss art so so much.

I'm soooo tired cos I slept at about 5am and got up at 830. Nooooo what's wrong with me.

can you come over nownownow? :(

2006-11-15T16:23:00.000Z

OMG hahah yinkae just told me that one of her friends wrote "Economics Ng" and "Elizabeth Paper 3" on her ALevel cover sheet!!! bwahaahaha. And today I saw a fat white duck with a lollipop in its beak!

My body clock is seriously screwedup. I can't sleep till 4am everyday. So yesterday I managed to complete my stupid politics essay after deleting that excerpt below cos it was a shitty paragraph. 1939 words hurrah. One down one to go. So I must try to finish most of my English essay today before dav comes up for the weekend cos I KNOW we're not gonna do any studyingggg. Right dav? hehe.

This is Muller Corners yogurt. I CANNOT live without my 2x6packs every two weeks. It's freaking comfort food cum guilty pleasures honestly. I don't know what I'm gonna do without it when I come hooome. How do you ship yogurt? Howhowhowhowhow.

Ahh and don't you sometimes have that feeling when you just want only one thing in the world and everything else just doesn't matter? (NOT related to yogurt) If only you had that ONE thing then even if mud splattered on your Manolo Blahniks, even if you lost a limb, it wouldn't matter cos you have that special thing. You'd go all out to get that one thing, you'd give anything..

.. tis a funny thing, this Love character.

2006-11-14T20:15:00.000Z

Oh I could throw you in the lake
Or feed you poisoned birthday cake
I wont deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone
Oh I could bury you alive
But you might crawl out with a knife
And kill me when I'm sleeping
That's why

I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride

Scissor Sisters - I can't decide

HAHAA this song totally makes me laugh. I could think of many people that I wanna dump into a lake and feed poisoned cake to. People like uh.. the eyebrow plucker who lurks outside Tangs at Orchard! Gosh! He compliments me about my hair everytime he wants to pluck my eyebrows for me! Oh and people who don't move to the middle of the MRT carriage especially during rush hour when I'm struggling to get to work. People who stare at me and point blatantly when I'm wearing my No. 3 on the train during aforementioned rush hour.

In that context, politics is also a “collective activity” that involves people who “accept a common membership or at least acknowledge a shared fate.” The peasants involved in the 1911 Revolution obviously had a common cause and grievance that drew them together as a political force. The decisions made by higher authority must “impinge on both the shared and competing interests of the groups’ members”. This shows us that indeed politics is “collective”, and any Robinson Crusoe character would not be able to practice politics. (Hague, R. and Harrop, M. 2004) In the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

-- A current excerpt from my Politics essay that is 1500 words away from target.

2006-11-14T14:59:00.000Z

I had the loveliest English lecture today that was worth waking up for. It was about punctuation! The lecturer gave us Miranda's opening speech from the Tempest without puncts and made us punct it ourselves. (ahh punct is a nice word. it's like, puncture. poof) There was this line that got me a bit stumped:

"...A brave vessel
Who had no doubt some noble creature in her
Dashed all to pieces"

I didn't know whether to put dashes or parentheses in the second line. A brave vessel -/ who had...her -/ dashed all to pieces. OR A brave vessel/(who..her)/..pieces". Ahhh it was so nice and perplexing! I opted for the dashes, but the first original print of the Tempest had it in parentheses. Well at least I didn't just put a comma there. Thought it would be more than that.

But I mean, it's no right or wrong you know. That's why punctuation is so beautiful. I mean, it tells you when you slow down in a passage. It brings you to inflection, gives you cadence, brings MEANING to your text.. ah and I learnt how to take the space as a punctuation too :)

Ahh rewarding, though I slept at 430 the previous night and was bleary eyed the next morning. Liked the lecture muchly.

2006-11-13T20:33:00.000Z

I title this early psychosis

2006-11-13T16:03:00.000Z

Email from the person at the Eng/Hist department after I forwarded him my A Level results:

OK, I'll forward these for the record. I had assumed you had very good
results or you would not have been accepted for a combined degree involving
English.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S CALLED TYCO..

2006-11-13T15:12:00.000Z

You know, it's that feeling that you're really inadequate. Facing the world is a chore, like walking out to the streets is just.. scary for me cos I seem to be surrounded by people who are a ton smarter than I am. People who are more cognitive, more astute, more deserving of a place at this prestigious university.

And I'm thinking of changing from English/Politics to English/History. I just emailed the person in charge of the Eng/Hist course to see if it's too late. If it isn't, the next thing I have to do is call MSC to ask for permission to change my course. The chances are slim, but as long as there's still hope, I'm not giving up. Politics is a SCIENCE. It's dull, dry and nothing happens. In history, stuff goes on, it's dynamic, it's open to interpretation. Politics is just blah to me. Nothing seems to make sense. I suppose it'll get better the next term, but then again I know I won't be doing what I like. Doing something for relevance's sake isn't gonna make me happy and comfortable.

Why must all the shitty things happen at once. This morning when I was all geared up for work, my internet was down. And when Sam, Debs and I managed to get through to Computing Services, the fire alarm went off! So the conversation happened like this:

Sam: Hi I'm calling from St Lawrence court House J, our internet's down. Yep. AH FUCK FIRE ALARM cheers mate.

Oh and I wasn't wearing a coat so I dashed out in the cold wearing only a sleeveless tank. RAAAAARRRGGHH.

2006-11-12T17:10:00.000Z

This was before Ziggggwaaahhhs last Wed night. A very bleargh night out cos I just COULDN'T get high. Everyone was staggering all over the place and I was still amazingly sober. Even the shots didn't help, really.

Ah ante up van.

For all I've been
Blessed with in this life
There was an
Emptiness in me
I was imprisoned by
The power of gold
With one honest touch
You set me free

Let the world
Stop turning
Let the sun
Stop burning
Let them tell me love's
Not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know
Deep in my heart
The only dream that
Mattered had come true
In this life, I was
Loved by you

For every mountain
I have climbed
And every raging
River crossed
You were the treasure
That I longed to find
Without you love
I would be lost

Haiyoh. I'm being sappy againnn.

2006-11-12T11:58:00.000Z

Hais. suddenly just lost a lot of motivation to do my work. tis a chore, this studying thing. I really don't wanna do my essays. it's just so.. growl. I really just wanna come home and go straight to my saf thingy and just skip the whole uni phase altogether. I love it here, really, but it's just consuming me. I know it's like I've an obligation to fulfil after all the faith that the SAF has put in me despite getting that C for math that technically didn't make me eligible for the scholarship. Many people would really like to be in my place, I know, and I should count myself lucky but haiyarr it's easier said than done.

Sigh then nottsgames was ok i suppose but it was real cold and my nose/ears were like dropping off. had just no Mood. no Mood to take photos, no Mood to talk to people. no MOOD. ahhh. But I had a long conversation with yeemeng outside the floorball courts and he made me laugh :) sigh. saw cheryl. was happy to see her. and leon! and JINPING my lifesupportwoman. (i miss you muchly sniff). met daph! as in daph from IJ. ahhh ij rocks la.

shit man i'm damn incoherent today. my ankle is verypainful cos I think i kinda slipped a bit in the shower but it doesnt hurt until i press it or something shiit blahblahblah dav changed her flight so she's flying back e same day as me. FOOD FIGHT mwahahaa.

Honey, It's been a long time coming
And I can't stop now
Such a long time running
And I can't stop now
Do you hear my heart beating
Can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help thinking
And I don't look down

And then I looked up at the sun and I could see
Oh the way that gravity turns for you and me
And then I looked up at the sky and saw the sun
And the way that gravity pulls on everyone, on everyone

Baby, It's been a long time waiting
Such a long, long time
And I can't stop smiling
No I can't stop now
And do you hear my heart beating
And can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help crying
And I won't look down

Embrace - Gravity

2006-11-10T15:04:00.000Z

Last night was good. Shirin, Shaowen and Justicia came over for dinner and we had sweetnsour pork, chicken curry and butter mushrooms. Yes ok, I prepared all that (but Shirin helped a lot). Yayyy :) And I didn't poison anyone too!

Hmm then talked to Jishan over the phone till 4am before crashing to bed. Both of us were like bawling our eyes out. Me cos I miss home like crap and I've just generally been feeling a delayed bout of homesickness. Her cos she's just been through a bad relationship. She sent me photos of Oxford too and I'm real glad I caught up with her yesterday. Everything she told me sounded so familiar, so I was just telling her about how it was with weejin and how similar our situations were - except that mine was more long-drawn. I'm planning to go down to Oxford for a weekend sometime. It looks absolutely gorgeous.

I can't wait for term to end so I can just fly homeee. Between 16-18 I've got nothing to do so Londoners pleaseplease entertain me. I knoooow your term ends much earlier than mine la but sniff don't forget me ok :)) LALALAALALA I'm getting a bit hyper now I woke up at 1.30 pm.

2006-11-09T17:56:00.000Z

I'm damn bored. Can't really focus on that big politics book now cos it's so dry. I know my essay's due next week but bleargh I can't focus.

FO-CUS! LONG-PULL! REACH-OUT!

Ah the dragonboat days! I think me and mich really had lotsa fun being pacers. Like how mr nasiman sat on the drummers seat during training and let huiying cox and while the rest of the boat drank water he made me and mich count together. "one and two and three and four" to get the rhythm. (62 per minute - perfect!) Then after that he made huiying count and the stroke rate was like 68 per min or something. hahahaha. then the whole boat almost died laughing and peishan went "OEI!!" mwahaha.

Another thing I really remember is when at first me and xintian were meant to be k2 partners, Mr Nasiman made all the k2 girls go back to shore, then he put me in the back of my boat, took away my paddle and made me row with a stick to demonstrate a stroke or something. (all this while he was holding the boat so I didn't actually ROW) then I think Nasiman kinda decided to make fun of me and he tilted the boat. Instinctively I tried to use the stick to tap but obviously because of the lack of surface area stick-tapping doesn't really work. mmmpfffgghh.

Ah and then there was the time when I took a T1 to help the juniors and rescue people when they capsize. I was just leaning back and basking and feeling bored when suddenly Wenpan capped. I thought - OH JOY I have something to do!

I took my paddle and enthusiastically did a left stroke. WHAM.

The next thing I knew I was in the water. O_O

Oh and if that's not enough, I self-rescued. Flipped over the boat and climbed in. Thank god Yong didn't see if not i'd be like incredibly dead meat. Vin saw it though. And he was thinking - who's that CLOWN. lol

goooood times :))

2006-11-09T13:40:00.000Z

TODAY I AM A HAPPY GIRL.

EVERYONE! I'M FLYING BACK ON THE 18TH DECEMBER CONFIRMEDDDD!! When I'm going back still depends but I've got a flight on 30th Dec, and there's still a possibility that I can get a later flight back to uk so wheee :)

AND AND AND dav said she'll be coming up to York next weekend like omg!! hahaha i'm freaking happy la. After a sucky night out, this has to be the best start to a day, ever.

:))

2006-11-08T18:30:00.000Z

Chocolate Cloud Cake. I am the Maestro, yo.

Here's to all my detractors. I can cook and bake. Ok help from Debs but still. Cake was perfectly chocolate. 100% fat. (eggs, sugar, butter, double cream and that's all) Ahh heaven. Thank you, Nigella.

2006-11-08T16:00:00.000Z

Who in the right mind searches for "vanessa university of york" on google???

Sigh. Ziggys later tonight for the first time. Hope it's as good as Sam & Debs says it is. Zigwaaaaahhhs they call it. Ziggy's has been described as being as good as Santa Claus. :))

Hais. I'm not feeling too upbeat today. I want to go back. I'll take cadet life over uni life anytime man. Considering I missed out so much on cadet life. Bleargh. I feel like I've cheated on the way of becoming an officer. I wanna go through all the tekaning. I wanna marchmarchmarch like there's no tomorrow. I wanna be commissioned on the parade square and not by some lousy piece of paper. Throw my peakcap. Hug all my platoonmates.

Notice how I'm speaking in army terms here. I didn't say I wanna zoom around in my fighterjet killing everyone in my way raaaaaaaarrr. I want to do live firing. I wanna be a cadet again.

Isn't it nice when we're all fledglings? Nary a care in the world. Like frozen meat.

I baked a cake today. It's cooling on the wire rack. I don't have enough doublecream to make the icing.

2006-11-07T11:46:00.000Z

EDIT: Put up new template but still work in progress. Gotta rushhhh.

Things to bring for Notts Games:

Digital Camera
Film Camera
Film
Food.
Ffffffff

I don't care what Aristotle would have made of the South African Constitution so I am just totally skipping that question. I mean 4/5 isn't bad. I'm sure someone from my seminar group would do that question and then we can combine forces! Phwoarr. This Friday during politics seminar, the South African Constitution will go head on with the Vietnamese Constitution. It's six-six evenly divided and technically it's a battle of the sexes. Our group is all girls but Steve, their group is all guys but Becca. Though I don't know how we're gonna battle Constitutions, I'm looking forward to it cos I love my seminar group! The Eng/Pol people are a hilarious bunch and I always enjoy my seminars.

Ahh long overdue photos of my room. Now you can see why its called the Ghettos of Halifax College right. It's smallll, dingy and bleargh. But livable. DON'T LAUGH AT MY MESS :(

2006-11-06T15:06:00.000Z

Hrmpff. So I'm stuck in my room again trying my darndest to digest the South African Constitution. At first I thought, aiyarr read some Constitution and answer five questions only, no biggie. But on closer scrutiny, the Constitution is long, dull and bleargh. Plus Qn 5 is: "What would Aristotle have made of this Constitution?" meaning that I actually have to READ what Aristotle says on top of the Constitution. SO I dug out my Course Pack and, ok it's only ten pages but stillll.

I dunno why I'm doing politics, honestly. I have absolutely no interest in the subject, but for career's sake I just decided that it would add a rather relevant dimension to what I would be doing in the future. I mean I don't think the SAF would like it much if I did just pure English. I mean look at the rest. Jinping is doing Psychology which is really very relevant in terms of dealing with people - since the SAF is after all a peopleorganisation. Weilynn's doing Political Science (need I say more?) and Wanling's doing.. uh.. some bio thingy I think. Bleargh every one of those subjects seem a bit more grounded and less airyfairy than just pure English. SOO I had no choice but to do Politics as well. I was real tempted to tell Celeste that I want English and History of Art but.. that would be a long shot huh.

I suppose it's not about doing what you like, but liking what you do. Being in the SAF taught me a lot of that. I hated routemarches because I always had bloodfilled blisters, but I had to like it because (a) it's a requirement and (b) there was so much spirit that I felt from the Sierragirls. I hated the slope runs cos of my phobia but I had to learn to like it because I didn't wanna be a coward anymore. I absolutely detest waking up at 0530 every morning and falling in by 0545 to do 5BX but then again I HAD to like it because I was the PT I/C and had to very enthusiastically lead the exercises. So I suppose I could just FORCE myself to love politics now. Or at least approach it with the right attitude.

Ahhh what I'm feeling can just be summed up in a few lines:

We're only taking turns
Holding this world
It's how it's always been
When you're older you will understand

Trust Me -- The Fray

2006-11-05T12:13:00.000Z

I'm like super clumsy.. my parents sent me a whole bottle of oyster sauce.. and I actually fucking dropped the whole thing while I was taking something out of my cupboard. I hadn't even OPENED it yet. sighh. Was really looking forward to stirfry :(

baby got his webcam!! whee :) Seeing him for the first time since I left really really brightens up my day! Rarrr.

Ah and yanye, funny how you should say my entries are interesting. Have you been talking to Justin somehow? Haha. Well Justin was saying that a lot of people read this blog, but I countered that, saying that I intentionally post entries about my dull mundane life to put people off. After all I aint some richkid, I don't have long hair and big eyes. (Will not mention any names here to avoid being googled too much) I keep this blog to uhm express myself, vent when I need to, occasionally marvel at the idiosyncracies of the world, and to keep in touch with my friends. I don't mean for it to become an exhibition piece, neither do I yearn for it to be something I MAKE MONEY from.

If not for the blog, I think I prolly would have totally lost touch from writing after the ALevels. Perhaps my writing is not as meandering or embellished as before, but I think I've already established the reason for that a few months back, and I'll reiterate it here. Now that I'm living a life for myself and not catering to someone else's whims and fancies, I'm not as jaded and troubled as before. (Check archives if you're clueless) When you're not troubled or upset about something, the creative juices tend to stagnate, somehow. Yes this is an example of the idiosyncracies of human nature.

Yeah and I have to read Samson Agonistes. Yesterday at the Charles (a pub) I was talking to this guy called John, who happened to have read the book, and he told me that Samson referred to Samson in the Bible. As in Samson and Delilah. Plus he's in jail because he's captured by the Philistines. SHIIIT how come I didn't know that. Maybe cos I haven't been able to get past the first 5 pages. HAHA.

2006-11-04T13:21:00.000Z

I can't believe I have to do this. Our assignment is to compare two dramas, one of which we're studying this term, and naturally, Titus Andronicus would seem like the best choice. So we've gotta compare 2 of Shakespeare's plays. Problem is, the only other 2 Shakespeare plays I know very very well are Measure for Measure and Julius Caesar. Since M4M is OUT cos it is SO unlike Titus, I have to do Julius Caesar. I really really can't believe I'm digging out the full text of Caesar online, looking at it again. It really strikes a chord - the old IJ days, with Mrs Mag Low completely dramatizing the whole play, the whole of 4/3 entirely silent and furiously scribbling notes..

And it's fond memories like these that keep me going. I'm surprised I can still remember Brutus' soliloquy omg. It's been what - 3 years?? Surprisingly I've come up with a considerable number of points for the 2 tragedies, but developing them well is another thing.

LINGS! hahahaha suddenly thought of you while I was typing this entry :) Don't worry I'm being a very good girl ok? I'm doing my work!

2006-11-03T22:36:00.000Z

I love Fridays.

Although there's a very oddly-placed 4.15 seminar, I get to sleep in. Woke up to his message :)) Had brunch (ham&cheese omelette + tuna on toast) then did some proper work. Just struck me that I have to read Samson Agonistes and think about my English essay for consultation with Brockbank by Monday, and do the Politics 5 questions by Tuesday for our seminargroup discussion. Suddenly after a week of slacking, the work just PILES up.

It's Guy Fawkes season this weekend, so there's gonna be fireworks! Probably gonna head down to watch the 45-min display at the stadium.

Hmm I think I'm not gonna go for rowing after all cos 1)It's just weird rowing with another team. (yes girls, you all are irreplaceable), 2) the seniors are just DIFFERENT, 3) it's cold, 4)it's RETARDED going backwards down the river. So, I might swim again, but the pool's quite mangy so I dunno. I'm definitely gonna run though. Sprints or long-d? Maybe both. We'll see.

Right, I'm gonna do proper work this weekend. :)

2006-11-02T14:11:00.000Z

I got a parcel from my parents today! Seeing all the Singapore stamps plastered all over the box made me veryvery happy. Brown paper makes me happy. I've saved all the brown paper with the stamps on and put it up on my wall.

Yayyy. Was unpacking the parcel, then got hungry and uh forgot to go for my lecture.

Me: I FORGOT TO GO FOR LECTURE!
Guofeng: Then how???
Me: Then I took my yoghurt out of the fridge and ate it.

HAHA whoops.

2006-11-01T16:04:00.000Z

Last night was notmuchfun. It was literally FREEZING as we queued (and queued and queued) to get into Toffs. We queued for SO LONG that by the time I got into Toffs all I wanted to do was sit down. hahaha. My legs were stiff toes were numb neck was aching - the last thing I wanted to do was get squashed up in the crowd. Oh and I didn't drink last night. Was very happy with myself till I realised I FORGOT TO TAKE MY ANTIBIOTICS so it didn't make a difference if I drank or not. GRR. I can't have a fun time to crappymusic (Hello.. they played Barbie Girl forheaven'ssake) unless I'm a little high. :(((

Fell asleep during Politics lecture for a while until the lecturer started talking about China and it's 4 Modernisations. Then my brain started waking up a little. I'm happy cos Guofeng sent me my mascara (finally) and I got my ASOS black dress that's really vv satiny and nicee. -beams-

They're trying to persuade me to go to Ziggy's tonight. RAAAAWRRR. I wanna be a goodgirl tonight. Need some alone time, so probably will be antisocial.

To my teammates - Peishan Michelle Cindy Jasmin Rachie Xintian Shumin Mindy Huiying Leepeng Chiteng I MISS YOU ALL VERY MUCHLY.

2006-10-31T18:53:00.000Z

Hello.

I just can't focus on my worrkkk. How to focus on anything when you can't breathe in one nostril? TELL ME HOW. Happy Halloween. Somehow Shirin and Shaowen managed to persuade me to go out tonight. HAIYOH. Tomorrow I'll fall asleep during lecture I think. NO ALCOHOL tonight. I was thinking of not taking antibiotics and drinking a bit, but on second thoughts the reverse seems many times more sensible considering I wanna eat chocolate again. (And buy asda's cheap b&js on jiayan's recommendation)

I'm going as a retro girly girl tonight complete with vintage yellownblack dress (25pounds, Topshop) a HAIRBAND (onloan, Shirin) and black tights. I will freeze to death if there's a queue at Toffs. Shirin says I look "milder" in a hairband. I think she means I look sweeter. I hate being sweet. I wanna be spunky.

But the hair's getting long and unruly and haircuts here are so ex I'm not gonna pay SGD90 to get parts of myself taken OFF. So don't be surprised if I come back in december (if i get to come back) with a tiny ponytail.

WELCOME BACK BABY :))))))))

2006-10-30T19:30:00.000Z

BAAAABYYYYY :) I'm sooo glad I managed to talk to you today even though the stupid call cost 10 pounds zzz. I'm sorry I can't be at your commsball I really really wanna gooooo sniffsniff. Sigh I'm sorry. Really. Hmm it seems so fast. One more month and you're gonna be an officer. OCS. It's so poignant yeah? It's so nice how everything started. The girls and guys teasing us.. Staff Sathia at his signals lesson.. my move to airwing.. :))) We've been through quite a bit huh dear? loveyouuuuu zzz.

Sorry for the shitty photo quality + lighting. Took this on my phone. It's chicken breast stuffed with brie cheese and butter mushrooms. Best thing? I COOKED IT. Do I ROCK or what. hahahahaa. This is proof of my culinary masterpieces. (Okay, I added too much salt but still it WAS good ok!) I still can't fry nice eggs though. :(((

Right I shall get to work now. Stupid politics thing. Bahhh.

2006-10-29T19:35:00.000Z

Tesco man just came by with our groceries. We bought so much stuff that my first reaction was "SHIT". Somehow I ended up buying 2x3litres of Apple and Blackcurrant Squash. Now the humongous bottles can't even fit in my bloody cupboard. Monster Squash. Plus now we have 2 bloody kgs of carrots. The thing with online shopping is that you never really know what you're gonna get. You just clickclickclick and tadahh damage is done. We also have 8x3 chicken breasts.

Somehow the weekend is gone AGAIN, and AGAIN I have managed to not do any work. Tomorrow's Titus Andronicus seminar. I must say, watching the movie actually helped a lot. All I had to do was gloss through the book and the come up with 3 themes. The convenience was really appreciated especially when I'm hungover.

Oh and I'm sooooo sick. Sigh. I have to clear my nose every like 5 min. I'm sick of rubbing tissues to my nose and sick of sticking my face in the sink to blow my nose. I'm just SICK. Hellpp me I want to go hooommmee.

2006-10-29T16:34:00.000Z

Fuck. Antibiotics with 2 pints of Carlsberg, a double vodka and a Snakebite DO NOT GO. I repeat. THEY DO NOT GO. Not even when they are taken FIVE hours apart. Fuckfuckfuck. The result is inebriety and a headache the size of Jupiter the next morning. At least it wasn't like Debs, who had to have her stomach pumped when she did that the previous time.

Oh as of today, UK is 8 hours behind not 7. Don't ask me why I'm not sober enough to tell you. I think last night in my drunken stupor I COULD have given Weird Adam my number. Shit. And the most amazing thing - I wrote Chinese for Sam. HAHA.

Ok now I'm gonna TRY to read Titus Andronicus.

2006-10-27T21:30:00.000+01:00

HOUSE J + Pat (with me squished up)

Sam (my coursemate & housemate) and I + Pat in the background

Pat & I with Kate in the back!

House J plus Pat again! Yayyy.

Ah yes here are the long overdue photos of my housemates. This was at Viking Raid last Thursday - a pubcrawl ending off at a club (Toffs). Yeah the blue shirt was like our 'ticket'. Goshhh I lovelove my housemates! (and Pat, who's Sam's friend) I like how drinks are so cheap here. I love Snakebite. Wheee. But I'm TOO good at drinking games haha.

Oh I opened my Natwest account today. FUCK HSBC, seriously. They've been giving me sooooo many problems! To all students intending to study in the uk: DO NOT BANK WITH HSBC thank you. I'll post full details on WHY tomorrow. GAH.

2006-10-26T21:53:00.000+01:00

tell your mom to marry us
a candle to carry us
with cans on our bicycle fenders
so sweet and hilarious
and we'll find us a home
built of packaging foam
that will be there 'til after we die

Clementine - The Decemberists

... and how do you know what's right? When you're sucked so deep into a ceaseless whirlpool, a multitude of mixedup emotions, how do you be rational when you're absolutely flailing? Have you ever wondered what it's like to suffocate? I have. Suffocate while you watch the second hand of the clock slowly and cruelly ease its way around the perfect circle. Must be torture.

I suppose that's what officership means. I just told Sam my rank yesterday and he was real impressed. But to me, I realise that I don't really know what I'm gonna face, and I'm apprehensive. Yeah but being an officer means you have to be rational and make split-second decisions even if you're faced with the worst situations you can ever imagine. It's hard, and sometimes the dilemma hurts, but if it hurts, it means that you already know what you've gotta do.

Because truth hurts.

When it hurts, we tend to run away. Escapism, they call it. Cowardice, others might say. One day we'll come to realise that running away and living in denial isn't gonna work anymore. It's like local anaesthetic or morphine - it wears off after a while. It's like marijuana, ecstacy. Temporal alleviation, after which you feel like shit. Living in denial is like a taking drugs. It's so easy to cave in, yet so hard to wean yourself off. So painless to delve straight in, yet so painful to pull straight out.

On a totally unrelated note, when can I talk to you properly again? Baby, it's been a month..

2006-10-26T14:37:00.000+01:00

You know, all that apprehension about that Lowell poem was pretty much for nothing, I'm pleased to say. Had my one-to-one debrief today with Brockbank and he basically told me I needed to have more confidence in myself. In his own words, my "self-confidence is founded" because I "write well". Yay. My essay was "subtle and rewarding" especially when dealing with such an "elusive" poem. WHEEEE. That really makes me feel better about myself. OH and the biggest compliment was when he said I'm "bright, intelligent and sharp" omg hahahhaa. I'm like bouncing all over the place cos I'm really really happyyyy.

Ah but there were some bad stuff too. For two years, people like Dio, Suhaili, Champagne, Mr Chia.. have been telling me that I can be more succinct when it comes to writing. Now Brockbank says I'm too long winded ha. So now my new motto is "CONCISE AND PRECISE". Seems like I've not kicked that habit since A Level :( Oh and I had no idea I was using so many "also"s in my essay! Brockbank pointed out like 15 "also"s! Gasp.

Oh and regarding my flight back.. I haven't mentioned anything cos it's not confirmed yet. There's this tiny problem that I can fly to singapore but I don't have a flight BACK TO YORK. We're still on waitlist and the deadline's 4th Dec so let's all keep our fingers crossed yep? If everything works out I'll be coming back on 18th Dec and flying back on 6th Jan.

Cross your fingers and toes and eyes and whatever can be crossed!

2006-10-23T00:10:00.000+01:00

HAIYARRR the weekend is gone.

English seminar. My tutor's a nice guy I suppose but it's again that biting apprehension of handing in my essay and having another discussion with those smart people about the Early Modern Ballads. Shit.

Ahh on a more positive note - NEWSFLASH - I CAN COOK. Was in Warwick over the weekend and I made them CHILLI CON CARNE okay! Yeemeng and Guofeng can testify to how goooooood it was. Plus I made them turkey+potatoes+omelette! I am a natural natural chef I think. I'm gonna try to make salsa soon.. and erm erm steak or something. Lasagna. mmmmhmm.

Oh ya and I'm joining rowing. Went for my first session last wednesday and it's nothing like canoeing/dragonboat :( Rowing goes BACKWARDS but canoe/db goes forward. Severe psychomotor problem man. When it comes to turning the boat all the telemarking is the OPPOSITE and I keep forgetting that I'm not supposed to be seeing where I'm going in the boat. Nevertheless it was good fun to hit the water again, to feel the boat whoosh with every single pull, to catch the water properly, to feel the wind rushing against your cheek.

I miss the canoeing times :(

2006-10-16T22:22:00.000+01:00

I think I'm PMS-ing. :(

Rahh I had my first seminar today. It was a nice lesson I suppose, but everyone is like SO SMART. We were discussing Beowulf, and I could barely get a word in edgewise cos everyone was just jabbering away really quickly. That got me into a bit of a panic, really, cos even though I knew exactly what was going on in class I kinda felt mute and nervous cos I didn't really have a chance to contribute some of my points (which were very good points okay). But my tutor picked my point to discuss which made me feel a bit better. :)

Sigh then Skyped with my mom and my sisters. I really miss home a lot. My family especially. Sighsighsigh I have no idea why I'm so emo todayyyyyyy it must be pms it must be.

Ahh and I've actually got an essay to do on Robert Lowell's "For the Union Dead". First day and I've got to write an essay. Crud I haven't written an essay in like 10 months. I'm looking at the poem and I'm so scared to start analysing it cos I feel like I'm not up to it. I mean, it feels as if everything that I've learnt in the 2 years in JC has just.. disappeared. I kinda need my Purple Bible (as in the lit PC book not the actual Bible) but I dunno where it is at home so I can't tell my mom to ship it over. Sigh and Sam's invited me to discuss the poem along with Ralf or whatshisname but Ralf is like this big brainy brit and I'm so scared. :((((

Maybe I will email Mr Dio. Looks like I'm gonna use up my phone-a-friend lifeline :(

2006-10-14T16:15:00.000+01:00

Rachie just showed me this link last night. (or rather it was 3am in the morning but ohwells) AEP 2005 GRAD SHOW. I realise I've never posted a finalfinal picture of my artwork here before so go seeee. I'm number ELEVEN :) Go have a look at the rest of the works too. I miss my AEPians.

I'm happy here. I really truly am. I like the responsibility. I like learning how to use the oven. I like the 15 min walks to campus with Sam and Debs in the mornings. I like going on pubcrawls and reaching home at 3am only to sleep through 915am lectures the next morning. I like the mist that hangs over the soccer fields, the ducks that poop all over our pathways. I like being happy.

But don't get me wrong - I do miss everyone. Maybe I don't miss the country as much, but I miss the people. My family, my team, my.. everyone. Then again it's good that I'm pretty much settled here and I've been able to blend in so well cos I've got fantastic housemates. After all even though I'm away from home.. it's only 11000km away (thanks to Sam's encarta).

And that's not very far.. is it? I love you all muchly.

2006-10-13T18:14:00.000+01:00

Hello! As promised - the motherload of photos :)

Dome of the British Museum
HEHEHE Meet GINGER, everyone. Yes that's what this thing's called.. It's real btw

Very nice glass building.

Guofeng & I

Tower Bridge on a very gloomy day.Tower of London. People got beheaded here.

Trafalgar Square. Pigeons galore.

Mummy and I at Trafalgar Square

I really can't remember where this is O_O

The London Eye

Near the Thames

Big Ben

Why Hello, Mr Blair

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Gates of Buckingham Palace

Changing of guard at Buckingham Palace

B-B-Buckingham Palace in its full glory

Bicester Village factory outlet where I found many a bargain :)Picadilly Circus

HARRODS! (Ridiculously exorbitant)
Coffee.
Harrods Food Hall.
Tea at Harrods Food Hall

AHH now we're movin on to York proper. THIS is why I fell in love with the city almost immediately.

Isn't it just absolutely GORGEOUS? My university's quite far from the city centre though - gotta take a bus down. Ahhh but everything's so antiquarian here in York. The streets have names like "Cherry Hill Lane" and the houses are called "Keeper's Cottage" and stuff like that, lending the city an almost timeless quality to it. Feels like I've somewhat just stepped into a fairy tale :)

Heh ok I'll post photos of my housemates once Sam's send them to me. Gotta go read Beowulf before Monday's seminar!

2006-10-10T16:19:00.000+01:00

BOO. So term has officially started and so far it's been a whole lotta fun. My housemates are excellent, apart from the 4 people on the top floor who we don't see much of. My college has like the best college spirit, I swear. People say St Lawrence Court is like the "ghetto of Halifax College" but we don't really mind. Fine, the room's bloody old and depressing, but it's pretty much okay, really.

So far in the first four days since I've moved in, we've had the neighbouring House O turn their kitchen into a rave complete with strobe lights, House G has set off the fire alarm at 10am in the morning (causing me to jab my eye with my eyeshadow brush), I've sneaked into college events without a wristband, and had my name struck off the English department. Apparently, they heard that I wasn't coming to uni, and when I showed up in the office, the lady proclaimed very loudly "OH LOOK VANESSA'S HERE!!!!!!". Shit. So now they all know who I am. O_O Not only that, they've put my name like handwritten on the list on the noticeboard, so EVERYONE will know I'm the poor forgotten girl. It's a conspiracy, I swear.

Ahh and the campus is simply LOVELY. There's a humongous lake in the middle complete with ducks, swans and coots and god knows what other species there are. Apparently, if you kill a duck in the uni you get expelled and you're never allowed to study there again. I've got about a 10-15min walk to the main campus every morning but at least I've got company since Sam's taking the same course. OH and I have about errrm NINE hours of lessons per week only. Thursday's my busiest with 3 lectures, Wednesday's 2 lectures, and Monday and Tuesday - I'm free from 1015 onwards. Friday's FREEE. Sweet.

AHH I'm gonna put the photos separately in another post so watch this space :) Gonna go decorate my room now. It's a mess - as usual. CYA :D

2006-10-05T17:40:00.000+01:00

HELLO FROM BIRMINGHAM!

I've finally managed to get internet after all the touring. STUPID HOLIDAY INN. They charged 15pounds for 24h of internet access and I was like.. -_- So to the people who've missed me, I'm sorrryyy :(

Well, things are lovely here. The weather's pretty gloomy but it's a fresh change from the heat in Singapore. I've been touring London, visiting museums etc. (I SAW VAN GOGH'S SUNFLOWERS AND RENOIR'S UMBRELLAS PAINTING!!!!) Then popped by York for a bit and absolutely fell head over heels in love with the city. And right now I'm in Birmingham in Davina's supergorgeous room (that makes mine look like a slum). Tomorrow's Coventry then Saturday's back to York to settle down for good before term starts on monday :)

Yeah in a nutshell that's what I've been up to. Everything's pretty good here, and PHOTOS soon, I promise! Lovelovelove :)

2006-09-25T11:03:00.000+01:00

Ok I'm off to the airport now for the team's farewell. Thanks to all who msged and called to send their regards. Thong, Yanye, Yif, Huimin, Keni, Chewy.. and for the rest who're gonna be at the airport, thankssss :) Love you all and I'll cya in december k? When I get net access there I'll post, promise.

DON'T MISS ME TOO MUCH.

Oh, here's the photo you wanted, baby :) Take care in Armour. I'm darn proud of you - and darn proud of US too. Loveya.

BYEEEEEEEEE. FOR NOW.

2006-09-24T14:39:00.000+01:00

Today was a very emotional day. OUR last day together before I fly and.. I cried buckets. It didn't help that he dragged his mom down to the florist in the morning to buy me the most GINORMOUS bouquet of flowers and totally surprised me when I went over to his place. TULIPS AND LILIES my two favourite flowers ohmygod..

Sigh darlingyy I know you'll only get to read this like two weeks later but I really appreciate everything these 4 months (and counting). I'm really so overwhelmed everytime I see and smell the flowers.. knowing that I can't look forward to weekends anymore cos you won't be around. Then two weeks later you'll be jetting over to Taiwan.. which really SUCKSBIGTIME sigh. I wanted to take photos today but my eyes were all puffy and red and I just looked a total mess so.. no photos. I'll always remember that last final hug outside your place (with your mom and your maid looking on haha) and it'll always be etched in my mind as I head over there. Really, no words can express. Loveyoulots.

Ah and this song couldn't be more apt, really.

All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go (EH FAR FROM READY LAR)
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin'
This early mornin'
The taxi's waitin'
He's blowin' his horn -- THIS WAS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TODAY.
Already I'm so lonesome I could cry

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
~~Don't know when I'll be back again~~ (DECEMBER)
Oh babe I hate to go

And then there's THIS VERSE:

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back
I'll wear your wedding ring

In four years time yes? Being a bit idealistic here.. but oh well :)

Thanks too to IJ 4/3 people for that little farewell lunch yesterday. Appreciate it lots. Love all of you.

2006-09-22T17:56:00.000+01:00

Ah, something totally unrelated to my flight and leaving, but matters to me as much if not more.

Firstly, there's the person who's been standing by me the past few months, being crappy, sharing my love for macs and good music. Been spending a lot of time with him and I'm really getting to know him better now. We have so much in common it's scary.. we even have the same house phone and use the same ringtone. O_O. Thanks, GUOFENG.

Then it's these people - who bring back a whole buncha IJ memories. AEP times, canteen times, meeting outside 4/3 classroom before every breaktime so we could troop to the canteen together.. gosh. I can just imagine all of us in that ubiquitous blue uniform again. Here's to SHIYIN, KENI, GINA, HUIMIN.

Next up it's what's left of the NJ Artsfac people. Need I say more? CHER, DAV, YIF, CHEW in these photos plus SAM, BEA, MEL, SHIWEI, VIN, AMANDA, HENRY.

2006-09-22T16:53:00.000+01:00

Date: Monday, 25th Sept
Flight No: SQ 322
Departure Time: 2320
Gate: Not confirmed
Terminal: 2
Destination: London - Heathrow
Duration: 13h 30 min
Arrival time: 0550 (1250 Singapore time)

For people who're intending to go to the airport, I think here's all the information you need yes? I will be at the check-in rows at about 9, then probably going in at 1030 latest. Please expect a crowd - apparently many Warwick people are flying at the same time too. Anything just give me a call. I'll also be keeping my Singapore line so you guys can still text me though I won't reply as often - but there's always WebSMS, Skype and the like. By the way, IT IS CHEAPER FOR YOU TO CALL ME THAN FOR ME TO CALL YOU, ESP WHEN YOU WANNA CALL MY UK NUMBER!!!

If you wanna send me snail mail or parcels (SEND ME FOOD!) you can mail it to this address:

The University of York, Halifax College, House J, SL/J14
St Lawrence Court , West Moor Lane, Heslington, York YO10 5ES

I've got a temporary UK mobile number but I'm prob gonna cancel it once I'm settled there cos the pay-as-you-talk from Vodafone is apparently very expensive. I'll post my CONFIRMED number here asap.

Ahh it's monday. Too soon. Just sent Cher off today - and like Chew said, she's gone.. just like that. Then tomorrow's Dav. Sunday Shirin. Monday - Guofeng, Yeemeng, Ben, Kaiwei, myself. It's just happening too fast.

2006-09-21T13:58:00.000+01:00

I've been having problems sleeping lately. Last night I slept at a magnificent of time of 5am after watching Liverpool play Newcastle. I think I'm an insomniac or something. Hope tonight I'll be sleeping effortlessly.

Ahh anyway the game was ok. Not their best, but they won so I'm not really complaining. I like the look of this XI - with the exception of Agger being prefered over Hyypia - and Riise is really being missed. I think they were real lucky to get away with some dubious refereeing especially on Agger's part. His discipline is terrible, and there was one point that the commentator actually said something about "AGGER management" and "prevent any AGGERavation". WAHAHAHHAAHA.

Oh and of course there were the 2 goals which were sheer magic crafted by Alonso. He takes FULL credit for the fantastic goal from his own half that totally killed Newcastle's custodian, but I'm miffed about how everyone's going on and on about Alonso for the first goal. I mean, Steve Finnan has to be lauded too for launching a run all the way down the flanks and delivering that perfect cross. That's the thing about Finnan - NO ONE ever notices him despite how consistent and tough he is in the defence. Unsung hero indeed. He's my favourite player - if you haven't realised by now.

Ahh and there's that STUPID article in the Sunday Times that all IJ girls and alumni must deal with at this moment. Although it was tongue-in-cheek it was totally unecessary to besmirch the name of the school like that. For a paper that's read by so many Singaporeans (and not to mention IMF delegates) it was nothing but insensitive, distasteful, and a hopeless attempt at being funny. I'm NOT impressed. "Easy with the opposite sex"?? That is the most insulting thing I've heard anyone say about IJ girls. EASY - can you imagine the connotations? The IJ board is sueing, and I say well done. It's disappointing, considering that the Straits Times had done wonderful coverage on ex-IJ girl Elizabeth Choy. What an insult to her memory.

2006-09-20T16:04:00.000+01:00

PLUSH PLUSH
PLUSH
PLUSH
PLUSH
PLUSH
PLUSH

It's sorely lacking in content for now, and if you want access to the Private personal folder just ask me for the password. My email's there, just holler.

Today was a very fun day :) Went to the ZOO hoho. I've decided that sea lions and otters are the CUTEST creatures alive. I want a sea lion for my birthday. Warthogs are ugly.

2006-09-19T18:50:00.000+01:00

I'm going to the zoo later.

And as the days slip by I'm getting more and more insomniac. The night is disarmingly beautiful. Right now the sky is like a greyishpink velvet blanket.

stop it, van, it's 2am. ah oh well I have the compulsion to stay up and watch night unfurl into day, taking photos of the process. I think I am artistically deprived. I need to buy film for my Holga. and M&Ms. Shall do all that tomorrow.

Tomorrow - Zoo.
Thursday - (Early) Lunch/Soupquest with Guofeng. Crashing NTU. Then Kino with Yining and Yinks.
Friday - Lunch with Cpt Aaron at CMPB. Dinner with Shiyin, Gina, Keni, Huimin
Saturday - Lunch with IJ 4/3 people. York Singsoc dinner
Sunday - Whole day with howe. Our last day together.

I need to activate my iCal. Pepper it with many coloured boxes. and amidst all this I need to pack my stuff. Ack.

2006-09-19T16:47:00.000+01:00

Woke up today feeling very awful. Had cramps so curled up in bed with a big rubber hotwaterbottle :( Cancelled my facial. Gah. Maybe I'll go another day or something.

Packing is a real pain in the ass. It's not a matter of not enough space or baggage limit - I have 120kg since my parents are flying with me and we each can get upgraded to 40kg - but it's the problem of how to bloody carry everything. Plus we're gonna be touring London first and I don't wanna bring too many things I suppose. After all, I'm coming back in december. Then there's my MOM who buys like 2958963896 types of foodstuff for me to bring there I'm like wtffffff like there's no food in UK? grrtjsffsspfffbt.

Then there's the stupid thing called INSURANCE. Yes everyone's going on and on about how important it is... rainyday blahblah but honestly.. asking me to decide which company and which policies when I'm at a very nascent age of 18 comes up with nothing but a big fat blur. HOW am I supposed to make a decision when right now my biggest concern is getting firstclass or secondupper? Yeah - narrow-minded, I know, but honestly, it seems as if I'm being asked to grow up too fast and I'm not sure if I'm prepared for it.

I'm stressed :(

2006-09-18T17:09:00.000+01:00

Ah yes changed my template. It's so much simpler now and I really like the colours :)

Oh let me give you lyrics to the song I used in the headings.

Live for today, we'll dream tomorrow.
We've got big plans in site.
We'll take this city, and by nightfall
the bright lights are calling.
Everything is going our way,
everything is just as we planned.
This is our future for what we've heard,
and its still got your hand.

And it feels like, we could last forever,
and im not doing this alone.

When memories fade, we've got eachother,
when time and confusion collide, singing
"I hold it all when I hold you." When friends
walk other ways, we've got eachother.
"I hold it all when I hold, I hold it all when I hold you."

We've fell on hard times. This isn't the ideal,
we're miles from home doing the best that we can.
I wont do this without you, wont do this without you so
take heart. Cause you know that you have mine.

Anberlin - Time and Confusion

Oh I got my visa done. One more week........ zz.

2006-09-17T15:40:00.000+01:00

You know, watching Liverpool's games will cause me to lose a lot of hair, or suffer a major coronary. JUST WHAT IS IT?? A CURSE? How can they have 10+ shots yet AGAIN and not score a single freaking G-O-A-L?? You know how frustrating it is when you try and try only to fluff it up at the very last nanosecond? That's the Anfield Story of late. Especially today at Chelsea. I was very very impressed at their fluidity, the team's ability to gel (particularly the strikepair of Bellamy-Kuyt) but no - there were no results!

Ah, and the Drogba goal. Chelsea fans and the commentators would probably gush "WHAT SKILL!!!", but as a Liverpool fan and a personal Drogba-hater, I would take the liberty to tweak that exclamation a little and say

WHAT SKILL??????

Come on lar, that goal screamed fluke. ANYONE can just whack the ball like that, it's a matter of whether it goes into the net or not - and that depends a whole lot on Lady Luck (who seems to have deserted Anfield lately). Ask Drogba to take another 100 shots in that fashion and if ANY of these 100 shots go into the net again I'll break my bond.

And the Gerrard/Lampard tussle - hello, even Abramovich and his dog can tell that's a bloody penalty. AH but just as you guys think I'm seriously anti-Chelsea and just being sour grapes, I'll like to clarify that I thought that Ballack's red card was seriously ludicrous. "Violent Conduct"???? Where? Cos he almost tripped over Sissoko and in the process accidentally stamped on his thigh? Referees really need to do their jobs properly..

HMM it's our FOUR MONTH today :))))) We watched The Banquet which was a real visual treat :)

To the person who can make my day, who makes me feel like the most fortunate girl in the world. Amidst all the bustle that the New Life beckons, despite frequent anxiety attacks, somehow I know that solace is just an SMS or phone call away. You're AMAZING. :)

2006-09-16T16:42:00.000+01:00

HAIYARRR. Bobby Rubino's renovated and the standard of food seems to have been kinda compromised too. There isn't that OOMPH that I used to get when I was there previously on two or three other occasions with the family. Maybe it was because they took bakedbeans off the sidedishes list :(

Ahh but heck bobbyrubinos. AEP CLASS OF 2003! WHEE. It's really been 98393294728 years since we got together and amazingly the turnout was better than expected! YAY. Laughed till my sides ached - reliving IJ times, catching up, updating one another about who's-been-doing-what.. everything somehow seems so recent. Where did the 3 years go?

Then it was to the airport to send Jinping (my lifesupport) off to London. I'm really gonna miss seeing her everyday, going to "work" - as she puts it - together.. making fun of people together, grumbling/whining/complaining/getting bored together.. gosh MS NAH. I'm really really gonna miss you. Thanks for the photocollage and the letter :) The Angwei thing got me in stitches, seriously. loveya.

Today saw me going for a major pampering session. Manicure + Pedicure. Decided on a whim to paint my nails an alarmingly shocking shade of NEON PINK that I think Leepeng would be incredibly proud of. It contrasts nicely with my black macbook too. HAHA.

You see where it's chipped? Was doing up Davina's early birthday present. The food at her place was great, and it was a nice night with Howe too. Gosh. Imagine I'm leaving everything behind in a week. I kinda shudder at the thought.

2006-09-14T15:25:00.000+01:00

You never looked so good
As you did lastnight
Underneath the city lights
There walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through me
But I'm still livin' with your goodbye
And you're just goin' on with your life

How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

Faith Hill & Tim Mcgraw - Like We Never Loved At All

Sniff this song is just terribly saaaaad. Makes me sniffle. Ahhh I was totally sleepy at work today. Kept zonking out. Must be the effects of the antibiotics. Tried to do Advanced Sudoku. It's SO HARD!!!!! Nearly shredded my brain.

OH I GOT A CREEPY CALL TODAY WTFWTF. Ask me about it if you wanna know I can't bear to type it here cos I'm soooo freaked out! Called Guofeng immediately to tell him about it and we were so.. disgusted. OH MY GOD I'm gonna carry a weapon wherever I go now. I WISH I HAD MY PISTOL (but then again I can't shoot a pistol properly so pahh). OKAY I WISH I HAD MY SAR21. Or my bayonet!

You, I hear you're doin' fine
Seems like you're doin' well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is
To letting go, letting go like you did, like you did

I love country!

2006-09-13T16:15:00.000+01:00

We celebrated my sister's birthday yesterday and my dear mom forgot how old she was (16) so she only got 14 (!!) candles. HAHAH. So my genius dad decided to slice the candles in half and carve away the wax to get to the wick in order to get six dwarf candles. SUPER CUTE RIGHT.

The hobbitcandles vs the gandalfcandle.

..and let there be light!

Ah and today at Acid Bar with Dav I took photos of the tealights. We bought our books today. At Kino's Lit Section we were pondering over Chaucer's "The Parliament of Birds" and this UBERCUTE guy looked at us and said in an awfully disarming (Brit?) accent - "You girls read Chaucer?? I've never been able to get through Chaucer!" ARRGH I was totally mesmerised. Apparently, so was Dav, cos as we turned to go off she went "and YOU'RE reading Homer! I've never been able to get through Homer!". Silly little flirtatious girl. BUT GAH he was so sexy. We really like guys who know their classics but not pretend to know them. I mean, Chaucer's all Middle English soooo it's hardd. SEXY WHEE.

Enough gushing and more photos :

No internet tomorrow cos the broadband's getting upgraded. -dies-

2006-09-12T11:38:00.000+01:00

I'm SICK :( Been having a shitty flu and my lungs have been clogged up with phlegm that I'm paranoid that I'll choke. Ahh anyway after doctor's visit today I went to buy my stationery with mom and Alyssa. For some reason I kept grabbing all the pretty multicoloured files, pens and the like and I racked up a bill of $131.80. Oh someone help me. Got my debit statement recently and here's how it reads:

26 Aug: Hog's Breath Cafe -- $56.50
27 Aug: Breko Cafe -- $97.50
06 Sept: Sun With Moon -- $42
07 Sept: Secret Recipe -- $32.5

Which idiot spends $228.55 on FOOD in a span of 11 days? Granted, I got my money back on some of them since I paid for a whole group of people, but STILL. Here's me with my super long stationery receipt:

HAHA. I love my shirt :) Can't wait for my MP3 one to be shipped. All hail THREADLESS :)

2006-09-09T15:17:00.000+01:00

This is so embarrassing.

I really wish I could say welcome back Carra and Riise, but NO I can't. Firstly, they lost - with a horrendously humiliating scoreline of 3-0. Secondly, they lost a MERSEYSIDE DERBY. Thirdly, Riise got stretchered off again when Rafa used up all his subs so Pool played the last 15 mins with 10 men. Fourthly, Carra was solely to blame for Everton's 2nd goal.

I didn't catch the first half cos was at my sister's birthday dinner, but when I came home and saw the scoreline, I KNEW something must be wrong. Sure enough, their passing was uncontrolled and the players seemed sluggish. It was extremely telling cos at the end of the 1st half, they had TEN shots off target. They've always had the problem of creating chances but not finishing well, and I thought that's why they procured Kuyt from Feyenoord, but why oh why does Rafa leave him on the bench? Indeed, when Kuyt came on for Crouch (and why not sub Fowler, Rafa?) the game came alive. It's perplexing you know? Liverpool had ten corners but not a single one was converted to count in the score. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???

Ah and don't get me started on Reina's horrific howler on the 90+4 min. What was he thinking when he caught the ball and literally THREW it to Andy Johnson for him to knock into goal? As I watched every replay, I was just stunned because everything seemed too ludicrous to be true. ARRGHH I'm still really sore about the result. They've gotta be more consistent!

Besides the match, MEL take care in Chicago okay! lovelove. Two more weeks! :) Yay! I'm damn excited. But oh well today is a moody day and the match did nothing to improve my already very grouchymood. Gah. Tomorrow will be better - I hope.

2006-09-07T14:36:00.000+01:00

Today was nice. Met up with Tom since like, forever. Dinner at Secret Recipe (my treat). The poor boy apparently felt very guilty about letting me treat him and he actually wanted to go to the FOODCOURT. Haha. Well, we've always got along pretty well but somehow, circumstances sorta forced us apart and I was incredibly sore about it. It amazes me, on retrospect, how much I've learnt to let go of things in my past, not bear grudges etcetc. Makes me a better person, I think.

Then there was a nice lunch before that, but shall not elaborate. NEXT WEEK IS MY LAST WEEK OF WORK! I've got 98928599285 outings and gatherings planned before I go abroad. I'm going crazy trying to fit everyone in. raaaargh.

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Shit this song is like, bloody haunting. Snow Patrol is so.. simplistic yet elegant. I think I go for lyrics, not melody, when it comes to songs. Haha.

2006-09-04T15:54:00.000+01:00

If you scrolled through all that properly, thank you very much I'm very touched. This is a result of boredom. The last photo shows what I really want to start reading but I can't seem to cos it's heavy and serious material. Gah.

2006-09-04T13:06:00.000+01:00

HELLO LOVERS. I've changed my flight. Instead of 24th Sept, I'll be zooming off on 25th SEPT instead. It's a eleven-plus-at-night flight, so I'll prob be at the airport nine-ish. DO come and send me off okay! I wanna give everybody a beeeeg huggg. (: Gah I know it's a school night and all but hey I'm sure van is 8749697286836 times more important than your lectures and tutorials right? -beams-

Anyway, the weekend with him was painfully short, but oh well I guess we've just gotta make do. Our 4th month is coming up and I think we've really gotta plan something nice this time round cos we're gonna be so.. estranged sigh. There's this part of me that just can't leave everything behind, but yet there's another (tinier) part that's just itching to get on board the plane and start a New Life.

Oh yeah, RIP Crocodile Hunter :(

2006-09-02T15:52:00.000+01:00

Was at the PSC seminar today helping out at the Mindef booth. This girl pissed me off, totally. If I weren't in uniform I'd have lashed out at her. SLUT. With arrogance like that and you wanna be a scholar? Go take your high and mighty nose and stuff it in the toilet thankyou.

Then met up with the aep people at Muthu's Curry to celebrate Lingee's birthday and for my "farewell" thingy. WAH haven't seen them in a gazillion years. It made me really miss art.. hearing how almost all of them are either in LaSalle or in NTU's ADM course, while I'm doing English and Politics.. well it feels really odd :( Suddenly, English and Politics sounds so pompous and so.. boring. I wanna do modules. ART MODULES. Printmaking, fine art, photog.. garrghhh.

I bought a new set of pencils and a sketchbook that day. Time to get down to work.

2006-08-31T13:25:00.000+01:00

I just finished updating my September calender at the sidebar, and it suddenly dawns on me that I only have slightly over three weeks before I leave. Which means I'll see him at best six more times each weekend. It's only 25 days away.

I have yet to do my visa cos they don't accept faxed acceptance letters. Accommodation is in the midst of settling. Orientation is not settled either. Packing, buying stuff.. FUCK it's all un-done. I can't believe I was still living in denial. Helpppp. Fine, I'm damn slow okay - I only just realised that I'm so unprepared.

Today I stopped by NJ after work to pass Mr Low my donation to the team. Ended up having a chat with Mr Yong in the 2ndfloor staffroom. His desk - omg his freaking desk. It is the EPITOME of messy, I swear. The only workspace he has is *just* sufficient for his laptop. CAN YOU IMAGINE?? Doing your work in a laptop-sized area of table? I asked him what if he doesn't need his laptop, he replied as if it was damn obvious "I just close the laptop and use it as a backing, lor!" Shit. You guys should see the desk man. It has knolls and mountains of paper paper and more paper, and he even claimed that he had just thrown a lot of stuff away. Oh and this is classic - "I don't know why you know! The paper just keeps accumulating and I don't know what to do!!!" O_O Mr Yong is the last person I'd expect to have a messy (and that is an understatement) desk. After that, he sent me a msg wishing me all the best in my studies.

Wah, how bloody unexpected..

2006-08-30T14:42:00.000+01:00

Today marks the most miserable day I've had in a long long time. Work today was painfully mundane. Converting Microsoft Access databases to Openoffice format. Took me and Maj Lim really long to figure out how openoffice(base) works. It's damn torturous cos you can't seem to be able to copy and paste the databases, so I had to painstakingly type in every single cell one by one.

Then took 171 from Gombak and changed to 151 at NJ. It seems ages since I was last at that bus stop. Sigh. It's silly, but somehow NJ memories seem so fresh even though it was so long ago. Perhaps it was because the people there made more of an impact? My team, the artsfac clique, AEP people. NJ 2004-05 was perhaps the most eventful 2 years in my life, and I think in these 2 years I somehow grew up.. a lot. Was rather pensive today as I watched the rain get heavier and heavier, watched the curtains of water cascade down the driver's windshield - only to get brusquely swept away by one slick motion of the wiper. swoosh-woosh-oosh. The excruciatingly sharp squeal of the wipers skating across smooth glass invaded my entire being as I just stared and Thought meaningless Thoughts. Just like how some things, some people are so pervasive that they completely infiltrate and enshroud you.

Then as the bus ride went on, the celestial dams somehow burst open with such astounding magnitude that I stared out of the window and didn't know where my stop was. (ah, the unfamiliar route from NJ to home, which two years ago was my yellowbrickroad) Impulsively, I got off (at the correct stop) and began trudging through the rain - umbrellaless. Zipping up my new adidas jacket, I put one foot forward, and didn't look back.

The heavens welcomed me, like a deity gamely accepting his offerings.

Bitterly but confidently striding amidst the coldshowers, my feet squished and squelched in my increasingly slippery courtshoes, but I barely seemed to notice. The wind seemed to cruelly slice through layers of clothing and permeate every single pore of my skin. I was defeated.

Then without warning, saline and freshwater fused into one, and I was unable to tell the difference.

2006-08-29T15:39:00.000+01:00

Rarrr this was when we went insane and blew over 60 bucks at TCC. They've got such great food. Hope he's doing ok in fieldcamp.

The next 3 days are gonna be torturous. Guofeng's on leave for his course, Jinping's stopped work already. So I'm the ONLY person at Gombak from Wed-Fri. Shit. Plus all the nice sirs are involved in Exercise Marlin so they can't have lunch with meeeeeeeee i'm gonna be Lonely.

2006-08-28T14:53:00.000+01:00

The weekend was veryvery busy, which explains my lack of entries here. Saturday saw me spending a whopping 300+ on my long-coveted Adidas jacket, a bolero from Zara and a pair of Levis. BUT I had a $250 Isetan shopping voucher sooo effectively I only paid abou 60 bucks for that stash. Good deal huh? Then it was down to Chijmes to watch Liverpool trounce West Ham 2-1. Dirk Kuyt seems pretty at home at Anfield, though I do hope Carra and Riise return soon cos the defence seems kinda shaky.

Ahh then sunday was the team outing like yayyy (: We were at Settlers then decided to move to Breko! Hooray. I treated them to the mains which were happily shared all around - yeah, food tastes better when shared :) Total bill was less than 100. Too bad it wasn't a fullteam this time round so I can't type FULLTEAM cos xt couldn't make it sighsigh. Photos another time. I'm really really tired and Photobucket's really laggy tonight. Ah then Guofeng was in the area so he offered to drive me home, but we detoured to Kent Ridge and I'm glad we did cos it's so pretty at night.

Baby's at fieldcamp this week :( Hope he doesn't get tortured as platoon commander. I'm proud of you baby. Rise to the challenge of leading your peers and I'm sure you'll do great :) -squish-

2006-08-25T17:47:00.000+01:00

been pretty messedup these few days. only you would know what i'm talking about. sigh.

it's already 0042. whywhywhy isn't he back from navex? sometimes i do feel terribly silly for waiting up for him cos the people at sungeigedong really torture the trainees like crazy. so much for 7hours of sleep huh? BULLSHIT. but i know that eventually when he makes it onto that parade square, when his parents affix the epaulette, when the command is bellowed for him to remove his peakcap and place it over his heart, when he finally hurls the cap into the air and runs around the parade square.. he'll be proud. somewhere in york, i'll be proud too. i wish i could attend his commissioning parade, really. i know he wants me to be there, but i can't.

i'm sorry baby. we're just victims of circumstances. even now, with less than a month before i fly off, the time we talk to each other every day just gets shorter and shorter. you're right, maybe i should be focusing on what we CAN do and not what we CAN'T. but still, it's easy to say all that fluff but it's david vs goliath to actually DO it. it's painful.

eventually, when we make it we'll show everyone why we're different from other couples.